Permission letter

[Stressed2death]

Today the kids Dad has demanded I write a letter stating I give permission for the kids to go on holiday with him.
He knows I am fine with them going on the holiday, but I’ve asked for dates and where they are going which he refuses to provide.
I’ve asked him to write the letter and include the dates they are away and where they are going but he says I need to write the letter?
Because I have asked him to write the letter he is now refusing to take the kids to any of their activities (we normally take it in turns to take one and then the other parent has the opportunity of some 1:1 time with the other etc) and I’ve since also received a barrage of abuse.
My question is am I being unreasonable to not write a letter of agreement, when I have no details of the holiday to agree to? Shouldn’t Dad be providing this letter and then I keep a copy and co-sign?

I guess if you provide that information to the father when you go away with the kids, you would hope the father would reciprocate.

Would you be happy to write the letter if he tells you the dates? If so tell him that. You're not refusing to write the letter, you're waiting for him to provide the info so you can write it.

You should write the letter, you have said yourself you are fine with him taking them on holiday.

But he is acting like a dick by punishing your children to get whey he wants from you.

All a bit children and neither one of you has put the children first.

So he won’t tell you when and where he’s taking your children on holiday? If so, i definitely wouldn’t be writing any letter and would not be happy with them going if I didn’t know where in the world they where!

When I've taken the kids on holiday I've written a letter on behalf of my ex with all the details (dates, location) and got him to sign it.

Well you can't write that you give permission for something without saying what you are giving permission for. Stand your ground, you can give permission when you know the full details.

I’m fairly new to Mum’s net and not sure how to reply individually but to clarify:
Dad has not sent me details of where he is going, I will not be sending any letter or agreeing to any holiday until I have these details. Although I am fine for them to go I will be needing to know where they are going and for how long etc etc.
To be completely honest don’t see why I should provide the letter when I am not taking the kids away? Surely this is Dad’s responsibility to do so?
Likewise it would be my responsibility if I am taking the kids somewhere?
I honestly don’t see how it’s childish of me in this scenario.

He is being ridiculous. What reason does he give for not sharing information?

Does he have a new girlfriend he is taking?
Presuming you are in the Uk, is he from a different country and a risk of not returning?

If they are travelling in different names or dad is solo (rightly or wrongly) they need a permission letter. I always had to travel with kids birth certs, marriage cert etc. Especially in Germany and Netherlands.

He hasn’t given me a reason he has just asked me to write the letter, I’ve asked for the details, he hasn’t given them to me but said I need to write the letter.
when I’ve suggested he can write the letter with the details, I’ve been met with a barrage of abuse and he hasn’t turned up to take our daughter to her activity.
He is from the uk as am I, as far as I would know he has every intention of returning and this is a holiday.
he has a new partner who is also from the UK and is going with them I am not sure if she is not keen on sharing the details of the holiday? although I wouldn’t know why? She will not and has never spoken to me. I have no idea why.

From the government website:

You might be asked for the letter at a UK or foreign border, or if there’s a dispute about taking a child abroad. The letter should include the other person’s contact details and details about the trip.

https://www.gov.uk/permission-take-child-abroad

Clearly whilst arguing who actually provides the letter is probably a bit petty - without the details it is pointless!

And to refuse to take his daughter to an activity is petty beyond belief. Taking anything out on the kids is just plain nasty.

If I had the details I would consider producing a letter. But I won’t be threatened and have any co-parenting responsibilities withdrawn until I agree with his demands, I’d rather struggle.
Plus there is the matter of the details required to produce said letter in the first place. The kids aren’t going away when I have no details of the holiday that’s just not going to happen ever.
If I was taking the kids away I would produce the letter, just because I am Mum doesn’t mean he has no responsibility for providing this sort of information for
his holiday. I am not his carer, he has no additional needs and is able to read and write.

My concern would be if you sign a letter giving dad blanketpermission to take them on holiday - if he takes them in term time - you are agreeing to this and could be responsible for a fine from school or educational authority if not authorised.

Thanks you are right. I have previously informed Dad I have no intention of providing permission for a holiday in term time.

You are of course completely justified in a) not giving permission unless you know where and when it is, and b) expecting him to write the letter himself and getting you to sign it. He's being ridiculous.

My ex writes the letter, I sign it. His holiday so he can deal with it. But I don't make a big deal about dates etc.