To ask how you get sh*t done?

[Bloomsburygirl]

Approaching the big 5 zero and having a bit of a freak out! There is so much I want to do with my remaining time on earth but I never seem to make much progress. For example, I would love to learn another language, move towards a career as a novelist (I am already a professional freelance copywriter and have no plans to stop working), read more books, learn to paint, travel more, and exercise regularly (not just go for one run every three months).

For context, I have two DS who are 11 (nearly 12) and 13, and they are relatively independent (in fact, I don't really see them much unless they want food 😂) so I can't use them as an excuse. Work is busy, but if I focus, I can get what I need to be done in six hours a day. I have normal daily chores, cleaning, cooking, school runs, but work from home on my own schedule and have a fantastic DH who does 50/50. I have travelled, read lots, make a decent living, have good friends etc...but there is so much more I want to achieve/experience and the days just seem to end as quickly as they begin! I do remember being able to get on with so much more when I was younger and the days seemed to last longer. And it didn't seem so pressurised back then; if I wanted to re-read a book or watch a movie, I did, without feeling I should be doing something more productive.

How do you manage to have a career, hobbies, exercise regularly, and keep your home clean enough that you're not thrown into a panic when an unexpected visitor pops around? I keep reading about people who get up at 5 a.m. or go to bed at 2 a.m. to create a side hustle, do hobbies, exercise, etc. I have tried this but end up getting exhausted and impossible to live with! I must confess that I procrastinate on my phone a lot (mainly reading about everyone on Mumsnet who exercises, reads, does creative writing, and has hobbies etc).

Does anyone else feel like this? Does anyone have any (gentle) tips? Or am I asking too much of myself?

Thanks for reading xx

I recommend reading a book called 'Tiny Habits'. It is about exactly this - how you can achieve your aspirations by making tiny changes and incorporating them into your life. For example, since reading this, I starting going to the gym while my DD is at gymnastics. It's an hour session which I used to spend doing nothing, but there's a gym in the same building so now I go there. It's meant I also have incorporated things like pelvic floor exercises, meal planning and making lunches to take into work into my routine. (I also delegate a lot and have a cleaner, gardener and get groceries delivered).

Also, I blocked mumsnet on my phone to reduce procrastination!

I have a different book recommendation- Four Thousand Weeks by Oliver Burkeman, or his new one Meditations for Mortals.

His basic premise is that you need to accept that you’re a finite human and react accordingly.

Small steps. It’s the things you do daily or consistently every week that matter.
Languages - don’t knock Duolingo, it can be good if you keep to it every day. If you are serious about a particular language then commit to a weekly evening class - this can open up a whole new world.
Reading - maybe commit to a certain number of books a year (lots of threads on here), break that down (like a book a month) and then make sure you have time daily - morning coffee/ last thing at night? Find a local or online book group/ chat. There are loads on Instagram and Substack.
Anything you want can be done in small increments as long as it’s consistent.

Thanks so much for your replies! xx

How's that working out? 😆

I'm not too far behind you and feel the same. Freak out at the thought of it all!!

You can try planning a short activity that's easily slotted in and kills two birds with one stone.

I'm suggesting exercise and books. Get an Audible subscription and take 30 minutes, maybe on the way back from the school run, to listen to it whilst you exercise. If you're already in workout clothing (running shoes, socks, leggings, hair tied back, technical t-shirt and a second layer for weather), then jog/run back or stop off at a nice park on the drive home. To avoid overtraining, switch the run out with 30 mins just walking through the park on alternate days.

You'll then have a routine that should quickly improve your fitness (and mental health/mood from the exercise, the escapism and the daylight/fresh air) to make it more likely you're in a good place for doing something at the weekend.

When you get back, you're awake, alert, happy, so you're good for either work or getting a small burst of house stuff under your belt before (or after) a shower.

No need to have one of those ridiculous 3am routines that way, as you've already achieved far more in time where you'd already be spending it travelling back home (or searching for running kit/thinking I should really get off the sofa now).

Bet if you get fitter, feeling more alert/content/post exercise glow/slight sense of smug success in doing it, you'll find more 'time' for yourself outside that slot as well.

And then you can start writing all about how to find more time...

Wow, you could be me, I turn 50 in January and there's so much I want to do, so many places I want to go to etc. My kids are slightly older than yours 17 and 14, but they are very independent, especially the 17 year old. I try and be as organised as I possibly can with domestic stuff to allow time to go out and socialise etc. Agree about the tiny habits. Every morning I do a 10 minute work out, I alternate between Jessica Cooke and Get Fit with Rick. I'm not a gym bunny by any means, but this has really helped me mentally and I've been consistently doing this since April.

I've also just started Duolingo to learn German, well 30 days ago and do a lesson every morning, 5 minutes tops. I'm really enjoying it, never thought languages were my thing. I'm also really trying to plan what I want to do and make things happen, ie seeing friends who live a bit further away, planning weekend breaks.

Last but not least, you do need to allow yourself some downtime to go on Mumsnet etc otherwise its easy just to feel burnt out.

Best of luck, it sounds like you've got some great plans.

Something that I try and remember around New Year in particular is there was a Boots marketing campaign a few years ago called “Change One Thing” - it acknowledged that after Christmas, people tend to make a long list of resolutions and think I want to quit smoking, lost two stone, run three times a week, save money etc and because they are overwhelming themselves with pressure, all of their resolutions tended to fail. This campaign as you can imagine from the name was focused on changing one thing and I think if you’re in a place where you want to do lots of things, focus on one first to build a habit and then move onto the next when you have established that habit.

I turned 50 2 years ago and decided to celebrate for the year. I went to Amsterdam with my teenage daughter. Then went to zante with her too. Went to butlins on an 80s weekend. Went on a cruise around the adriatic. Qent.to Rome and was surpsingly asked to get married! Threw a fancy dress party. Adopted a dog from Croatia. Got a tattoo. Bought a guitar to learn (harder than I thought). Cut my hair off. Bought new books. Went to 2 concerts...amongst other things. Was great to feel freeeee for a year! Still haven't worked out how to exercise and keep the house tidy for visitors but I enjoyed getting here.

And yet here you are.

Duolingo. It is a free app. Do one lesson a day - takes five minutes. Learn a new language: tick.

OMG...you're my new hero! What a brilliant idea xx

Thank you! So glad others feel the same way at this particular milestone...I thought I was a freak!