AIBU to be annoyed by people who refuse to take accountability for their actions but constantly blame external factors?

[ThirdEyeStyle]

I often come across people who refuse to take responsibility for their actions and instead blame external factors or other people. It’s frustrating and feels like they’re avoiding accountability. AIBU to be annoyed by this and think they need to own up to their own behaviour?

Depends what it is?

Difficult to say without examples

Sounds like my teenage son tbh. 😜

Do you by any chance have a particular example or examples in mind, OP????

Sounds like a woman I work with.

Always someone else's fault.

Always blame the system/spreadsheet/database.

Has suggested that we check 100% of her work so that if something she has done is wrong and no-one else picked it up when checking it, then it can't possibly be her fault.

I know a couple of arseholes like this

YANBU

My mother was like this. Disliked aspects of her life but didn’t do anything about it. If something went missing or got broken by her, it was always my dad’s fault or mine. Tiresome sulking and tantrums.

I have a family member who everything seems to go wrong for yet it's never their fault.

History of completely irresponsible behaviour but fails to link any of that with the issues they're having.

Self employed and can't get work locally because of a reputation of being unreliable. Not their fault, companies just want cheap workers and they're too good to lower themselves to that. Instead they'll do a 140 mile round trip every day.

Parking ticket after leaving their car in a restricted bay because they'd got so drunk they ended up injured and in hospital. Not their fault they couldn't move the car, what with being in hospital and all.

Couple of examples and there are many more serious issues deeply rooted in their lack of self awareness and inability to take responsibility.

I know alot of people like that.

I think there are instances where we can all do it on some level. I've got a real thing about it because I know people who have never once taken accountability for really bad behaviour. It's unpleasant and unsettling being around it. I think so highly of anyone who says ' I really made a mistake there's or ' I didn't handle that in a good way and I'm really sorry for that ' . No buts no excuses.
I don't really know many like this. I take ownership because I'm so traumatized by people who don't do this. I imagine I also didn't know how to and thought it was weak to apologize or own something.

There are some things we are in control of and can/should take responsibilty for. There are also many factors we have little control over. So it depends.

I agree. One of our suppliers at work is very quick to blame others.

So are they responsible for you being annoyed or is being annoyed your fault?

@ThirdEyeStyle so you’ve met some of my family then!

I find it super annoying. Everything just happened to them! No thought ever given to the fact that not paying into a pension, not getting legal advice when buying someone out of a property or getting married at 17 most likely will come back to roost at some point

Some people always try to blame others for any misfortune they suffer. Suppose it’s just part of the “victim mentality”. 🤷‍♀️

Context is everything

It’s about personal accountability. While I can’t control how others behave, I can feel frustrated when they consistently deflect blame. It’s not about them making me annoyed, but rather how their lack of accountability affects the environment around us.

Can you outline an example for us OP?

kinda depends what it is.... if i'm late for work because of traffic.. i think its fair to say i am not at fault? there was traffic it made me late? i did not know there would be traffic... should i leave for work earlier just in case there is traffic???

Yes we just had an employee we suggested would like to leave due to this type of behaviour. Nothing ever her fault was always someone else's, it was an absolute relief for is when she left, the whole atmosphere in our company lifted and everyone is relaxed and happy again.

Depends if you are late for traffic one day a year or a day a week

I once looked at joining the prison service. During the application process we had video scenarios that we had to say how we would handle them. It was then that I realised that prisons are full of people that take no accountability for their own actions

This was a lesson I taught my son when he was around 7. Your own actions are in your power! Your control. Own your power!

I agree. Although I think it’s very common. It doesn’t make it less annoying.

My job involves a lot of this; it’s too painful for some people to admit that they have done anything wrong and much easier psychologically to blame others. It can be hard to feel that shame; especially if you generally feel shit about yourself then a defence mechanism becomes to deflect to protect your fragile ego

A bad workman blames his tools.

YANBU at all. I used to work with someone like this - actually a really lovely woman generally, but any time she cocked up there was another excuse. Just own it and move on - we all make mistakes but never admitting when it’s your fault just makes it worse IMO.