Concerns about Elderly Neighbour

[BooksAndFootie]

DN is in 80s and recently widowed. I have been her next door neighbour for 11 years.

I have no evidence but from what she's told me and from what I've seen of the people coming and going from the house since her husband passed away it seems like she is being victimised by having things stolen. She's said cash (a considerable amount), booze and keys had gone missing, and other bits and pieces.

The other night she called the police as she thought someone was in the house at 4am.

Her D (who does not live with her but visits since DNs husband died last December) told me DN is 'losing her mind' and 'accusing family members of all sorts'.

I tend to believe my DN over the D.

Do I keep my nose out even though I suspect my DN is being targeted by her own family? They were not on the scene at all for the 10 years before DNs husband died, even though the family all live within walking distance.
Or, do I contact our local police who came out to her and voice my concerns to the authorities?

I would just hate for my DN to be treated like this and do nothing to try and help.

AIBU to raise concerns, or AINBU and I should absolutely flag this?

The only thing I can think of is to phone adult safeguarding and tell them that you think she's vulnerable and people are stealing from her.

I wouldn't put anything past people. When my neighbour died, her son's van screeched to a halt outside and he cleared out her flat.

Was always just a catch-up over the garden wall. When her DH passed away I went round into her house for a chat and to offer support, and then again in April. Both times she expressed these concerns to me about things going missing. I don't see her outside so much any more, and the D or GD are often 'around' - I get the impression they would not appreciate me popping round more. Maybe I should risk it?

This can be a symptom of dementia I believe. But it's every scrap as scary if it's imagined - the loss of feeling safe is the same.

Might a ring doorbell be worth a try?

Go on your council website and raise a safe guarding concern it's a straight forward form. They can look into it and decide what best

We know each other. Chatted in the street many times since her FIL passed away. She is overly familiar with me, gushingly nice, and has always declined my offers of help with shopping, popping round etc. Thanks me for offering but says they're fine.

I feel like she's manipulating me into believing DN is mentally declining and that the family are coping and helping her.

Don't know how to get past the barrier of the D

My elderly relative got like this, fearful that she was being stolen from, fearful that people were in the house, fearful people hadn’t turned up for appointments, fearful that she’d upset people. She was otherwise fairly lucid and if you didn’t know her, would have believed all she said. For example she could discuss current news or old stories perfectly, but sometimes the stories would be about me when it was actually my mother or sometimes complete fiction.
Specious is the perfect description - plausible but wrong.
It was nearly impossible to get anyone who only knew her in passing or didn’t see her very often to believe she wasn’t 100%.
Talk to SS or her GP but I’d keep in mind this may well be cognitive decline thats worsened since the death of her husband. Often a death of a spouse exposes things that had been hidden between a couple.

Adult safeguarding call, 100%.

My mother has dementia and has declined in the last month or so. She tells anyone who comes near her that we are holding her hostage. That she isn't allowed out. That we never visit her and she has nothing left we took it all.

We are on a waiting list for an emergency risk assessment. The woman who takes Homy communion to mum on Sundays told me
What mum says.

Thank god she knows us and knows that as well as carers 5 times per day one
Of us is there for at least an hour daily.

You are her neighbour. Go to the door with a bun and visit once per week. Malle sure it's true before you make assumptions. The daughter is likely stressed to her eye teeth with this. I am offered help by well meaning neighbours regularly but I have no idea what to ask for.

Think of something you can do and offer that or just go visit.

Please call adult safeguarding and talk to them about your concerns. My DH's grandma was suffering with dementia in her last couple of years and FIL arranged for a string of carers to go in and do stuff for her. She told him they were stealing from her and he didn't believe her. After her death we discovered that they had stolen everything of value from her home including her engagement ring and all her jewellery. All that was left was a few bits of obvious costume jewellery and her silver crucifix. She may not have been 'all there', but she knew she was being robbed.

You could call social services and/or try to get to know the family.

I think this is my concern - that yes there is most probably cognitive decline at play, but I see clearly the people coming and going and there are people the D associates with who are known addicts at the house on occasion! It's not just DNs word, there are independent signs that she's being taken advantage of too.

From your last update yes definitely intervene.

This may be mental health related but may not. Depressingly, elder financial abuse is really common, I work in a field where I see this very regularly. “Nice” families who feel quite entitled to help themselves to their “inheritance” ahead of time - why wait?? It will be very clear to SWD when they check out the bank statements. The difficulty is in proving it is coercive or expressly against the wishes of the old person. I’ve seen hundreds lifted daily from the accounts of cheeseparing old savers, gym memberships Xbox Live expenses, direct debits for expenses clearly not for the benefit of the old person. (pensioners are not generally shopping in All Saints). At least if they look at finances it can frighten the thieves off.

Well, yes then OP. Try and get authorities interested - local druggies hanging about is not ideal. But perfectly possible that they are taking advantage of an elderly person with early signs of dementia.

Sorry - yes I know that's very significant. We live in a small town so everyone knows 'who's who' and although we're in a lovely street, D and her circle are definitely of the more undesirable population of town. Their increasing presence at DN's home is very noticeable, especially when D has a friend with her...

I will do what I can to raise my concerns with the authorities.

WTF, that’s a hell of a dripfeed. You need to report this to everyone you possibly can. I’d go adult safeguarding AND police.

This is so sad, but alarms bells are ringing that something like this is going on here. I did not ever see any of DNs family for 10 years, and now they are at the house daily. I don't think they are round so much because they are such caring people. There must be an incentive for them to suddenly be so interested in DN.

Either go talk and check for yourself or ring the non emergency police line. Tell them all your concerns so they can do a welfare check. And notify whatever safeguarding teams needs be. Better safe than sorry!!

Phone ss and ask them to do a welfare check.