Have you lost the weight yet?

[NewbornMum243]

Is what my dad asked me. I'm 4 weeks post partum (his first grandson) and I was video calling him to wish him happy birthday on his 60th birthday.

He knows i spent the last 4 months of my pregnancy essentially bed bound. Yes, I've gone from a size 8 to a plump size 14 now. But wtf. I just had a C section 4 weeks ago!

I know I'm not unreasonable. I just need to vent, why has this made me feel so awful? This was 24 hours ago and it's still playing on my mind.

DH said he would have responded with "are you dead yet" but I had no witty response, I was shocked.

My parents are otherwise lovely but obsessed with weight. They're due to come visit in 2 weeks and now I'm dreading it. I live in a hot country so will have to be in shorts and dresses. Wtf is he going to come up with then?

That’s awful. Nip it in the bud now. Message him or call him to say what he said was body shaming and you are giving one more chance not to make such awful comments again.

Are they staying with you? Tell them to book a hotel.

I’d message him

dad, I was hurt by you fat shaming me the other night on the phone. This has made me apprehensive for your upcoming visit in 2 weeks to see your brand new grandchild. I don’t need to justify why I’m the shape or size I am, if you can’t work out for yourself I’ve had major surgery etc, then that is a really shame you’re behaving in a thoughtless & somewhat shallow manner. I do hope when you visit there will not be any further remarks & we can enjoy each other’s company & our new family member.

I can't send them to a hotel, the reason they're coming is for my mum to help me while DH has to travel on a work trip. We live 6,000 miles away with no support and she is coming to help. They really are lovely otherwise and my mum is a superwoman, but they come as a package unfortunately. So I do have to put up with him. He's been like this my whole life tbh.

i would reframe this, and think (or say if you feel brave) how shallow must you be that this is what you feel is most important to focus on, rather than your new grandchild or the major surgery I have just had. Being like this with other people must make you very disliked.

Whatever you say , don't be afraid to stand up for yourself, your body has been through a lot and you don't need to justify what it looks like. I'd stop the comments on people's appearance not just for the hurt they caused you but for your child in the future.

Easier said than done, but you could pretend it was a factual question with no pressure attached to it.

"No. Not yet. Post natal medical team recommend a very gradual weight loss to maintain energy and milk flow for the baby. They suggest aiming to be at a comfortable weight - maybe half a stone heavier than before the birth due to hormonal body changes, within a year of birth so that is what I am aiming at.

And if that doesn't work, try sharing his concerns right back at him. How about you? How is your pre-diabetic belly fat, dad? Have you lost any of that? How about your bald patch? Are you getting the doctor to look at it? Have you thought about hair grafts? When are you getting your teeth bleached? You don't want to end up with old-man harlequin brown teeth.

@Autumnweddingguest I did actually say something along those lines, how it took 9 months to make this baby, I've had surgery, breastfeeding and sleeping 90 minutes at a time so I'm not going to lose the weight for a while. He accepted it and moved on but it's made feel so shit. I think about it every time I reach for food now.