To just give up

[Threelittleduck]

I can't take my family anymore. DH is constantly grumpy and short tempered. DDs, I feel I can't say anything. For example I woke 18 year old up a little while ago and said you need to reset your body clock it you'll struggle when you get a job (she asked me to start waking her around 9:40/9:45). She said I was being unsupportive and why couldn't I be nicer.
I still can't work out what I said wrong ( perhaps I shouldn't have mentioned work).
DH told me to shut up this morning when I wasn't even speaking to him.
Feels like the only person who likes me a bit is DS.
I just feel done and think I'm clearly not making anyone happy, must be an awful wife and mum for them to speak to me like they do. Absolutely hate being a SAHM but can't change it because DS has high level of additional needs.
I honestly sometimes think I should walk away and everyone would be much happier, they probably wouldn't even notice until teatime
No friends, no family nearby. Just had enough really.
Should I just walk away?

You need to find an outlet for you.
Are there any groups in your area that empower women?
We have a Women's Centre akin to Men Shed.
There are lots of free courses to build your confidence .
I think you need to detach a little, get out more and leave your 18 year old (adult) daughter to fend for herself.
Equally let your husband see you have a life outside of being chief cook and bottle washer.
Discover yourself and your self worth.
Good luck.

She's trying to get an apprenticeship in childcare, she has been applying for all different jobs though with no success.
DS is 4 but only doing 90 minutes at school, DH works full time (sometimes evenings and weekends) meaning I can't actually get a job because nothing will fit in with family needs.
If I just had to worry about me I could get whatever job I wanted.

No the 90 minutes is because of his complex additional needs. He is doing okay on this but he's nowhere near ready for the full school day, and his teachers have confirmed this.
No qualifications but she is doing voluntary work in primary school.
I'm just sick of everything being down to me, everyone thinking they can talk to me like shit, being blamed for anything that goes wrong.
I can't sleep at night, I'm in horrendous pain with my back and no-one actually cares. Anytime I dare to ask for help I get told it's your job, you're the SAHP.

Don't walk away, but stop being nice. When your husband is grumpy, don't absorb it - tell him to fuck off. When your daughter is whining at you, tell her to fuck off. Tell them you are finished being nice because they didn't appreciate it, and now they can all take care of their own shit and leave you alone. They may think you have lost your mind but you know what? They can fuck off.

You can't really apply this to the son with SN, but at least he has some excuse.

No advice but just sending a big hug! You're in the middle of 2 people both doing their own thing and using you as a virtual punchbag. Do you feel up to sitting your daughter down and having the 'being 18 and an adult comes with responsibilities' conversation? Perhaps work out a timeline for how her next year is going to pan out....? Big hug x

Stop accepting this. They are treating you like this because you allow it.
When your daughter says things like that challenge her. Tell her she can start gaining experience for childcare by helping with ds. She can free up a couple of hours a day for you.
When DH speaks to you like that. Ask him who he thinks he is speaking to. Tell him it's not acceptable and if he wants to treat you like that he knows where the door is.

Maybe start studying something you enjoy so you have a distraction? As far as I know my local library had courses you could study for free. Also, I'd leave DD to her own devices, if she doesn't appreciate help, don't give it.

You need something for you. Is there a local community center near by...I know near me there are several running craft etc for an hour ..if you can get one at same time as da in school that gives you somewhere outside the house. Re dd she needs to apply for college to get a childcare course

College told her it's best to do a level 2 apprenticeship rather than studying at college which is why she's trying this route but I will talk to her again.
Sometimes it's okay but DH talk's to me so badly a lot of the time but if I say anything I'm too sensitive.
I really feel like I'm invisible like I don't matter. I'm tired of being so lonely and trying to make everyone happy when they don't return the favour
And I'm really pissed off, that DH keeps saying why haven't you done this, why haven't you done that when you're sat at home on your ass all day.
I'd love to do something for myself but I don't think there's much in our area unfortunately

Where I live, there are LOADS of childcare jobs around. Lots of nurseries and preschools. She would have no trouble finding a job if she lived here.

How hard has she actually looked?

I would start being tougher with her and your fucking horrible husband. They are treating you like crap. 💐

I’m sure she could do some kind of extra qualification, too, if she just got a job in a nursery as a first step.

She hasn't been looking long tbf. Only since August, she was at college last year. She has had interviews the last week and had one this week so I don't think it's unreasonable that she might get something.