to be terrified this is long term

[mumof4kids1dog]

my DD is 2 years old, she will not physically let us brush her teeth, we have to pin her down ( we’ve tried EVERYTHING you can possibly think of ) the dentist gave us this advice. She kicks punches and screams until she can’t breathe. she can say mum, dad nan, baby and most common words they can say. Can do all animal sounds and knows most colours but not much more speach other then things about a tv show she’s obsessed with, She calls for her favourite tv show character all day especially when she’s overwhelmed.she cannot be in social situations without melt downs and in all honesty she doesn’t understand basic instruction's which makes life very hard. she isn’t able to verbalise what she needs and will just scream and cry until she figure it out.
i love this girl but im exhausted and drained every single day. Im so scared that if she is autistic that this is how she will be forever, I can’t cope. does this sound like a typical 2 year old?

I meant until WE figure it out, sorry

It’s possible it’s typical 2 year old behaviour, it’s also possible that she’s autistic. It doesn’t sound entirely beyond the realm of normal in my opinion, 2 year olds can try the patience of a saint.
When you say 2 is she closer to her 2nd or 3rd birthday? That makes a difference I think.

Thank you! She turned 2 around 3 weeks ago

Does she go to nursery? If so what do they think? I have an autistic child (with no learning disabilities as they wrote on his diagnosis) and some things are definitely harder but it's definitely not all exhausting. I think exhausting is typical 2 year old time. Low demand parenting works pretty well for me - there is pretty good about it

Please don't pin her down to brush her teeth. Stressful for you all. Just allow her to chew the brush with toothpaste on it. Let her watch you. Don't make it a big deal. The only thing she can control is to refuse...everything. it doesn't get called the terrible twos for nothing.

Then honestly (and very kindly, because we’ve all been there!), I’d say don’t panic. There’s a reason this stage gets referred to as the terrible twos, but she’s still very little, and in the majority of cases “this too shall pass”.
Having said that, if they don’t pass, she might be autistic, but I don’t think anyone will be able to say based on those very normal, just turned 2 years old behaviours, at this point in time.
By the way, my son is autistic and he’s great. If she does turn out to be, you’ll love her still, because she’s yours and she’s amazing.
Good luck for the months ahead!

PS on the teeth brushing, have you tried different flavours of toothpaste? Having her watch her favourite show whilst you’re brushing them? Doing yours at the same time and having a competition to see who can get the shiniest, whitest smile (it’s always her 🤣), letting her brush to start with and you just do a quick finish off? It’s all about distraction and making her feel in control at this age.

She sounds like every 2 year old. Of course they don't listen to instructions. Neither do 3, 4, 5 year olds.....

Distraction worked a lot at that age...watching something very engrossing whilst doing teeth and clipping nails.
Choosing her own toothbrush and toothpaste etc.
brushing is non negotiable, even if it's hard work, so continued exposure in different forms is good.

Watching shows about teeth brushing /featuring it
Using those kiddy chew brushes
Rubbing teeth with clean cloth
'Searching' for colourful germs worked when DD was 2.5/3
Brushing whilst distracted
Brushing purposefully

I remember feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, frazzled etc when my DD was a toddler. At the time, we didn't have a diagnosis, but I knew it was something (later diagnosed with Autism). I remember crying to my therapist, saying "when will this get better" and she said "never, you just have to change the way you view the situation". At the time, I was devastated, thinking my child was ALWAYS going to be and act how she was. She got older, she grew up, she began therapy etc, etc. Gradually, the situation improved and it will for you too. I know it sucks, trust me, I know. But it gets easier. Hang in there.

IDK if this helps but my DS was referred to a children's sedation clinic for dental work. Its worth looking in to, they used gas and air. Distraction worked for things like vaccines but never the dentist.

Mine was like that at 2. I used

• U shaped bite brushes
• Light up brushes
• Screens
• Songs
• Different toothpastes
• Sticker charts and praise

Rotating these regularly got us through, but what actually finally worked was him getting older and a sonic toothbrush. It was quieter and he liked the feel of it in his mouth. When he's tired still, I wrap him in a towel with his arms by his side and do it for him. He seems to find that soothing now.

My now 3 year old granddaughter caught sight of my 'black teeth' (amalgam fillings) about 6 months ago and has been a lot more compliant about her teeth cleaning since then.
Your DD might be a little young to grasp the concept yet but you might need to scout round for an elderly relative to traumatise her into encourage her to clean her teeth properly.

She might be autistic. But honestly she sounds a lot like my twins who had speech delay. They also were not able to verbalise well at that age, so things were quite challenging. They ended up in a SALT primary school (in a class of ten) and then transitioned to mainstream by Y4. They're Y11 and fine (although dyslexic!). Not autistic, and tbh aside from the speech I don't think anything you've described screams autism, it screams 2 year old.

Has she had her two year check yet? If you can, get a referral to speech and language ASAP and also a hearing test - one of mine had persistent glue ear which didn't help.

@mumof4kids1dog Just tagging you coz I think you need to read my post!

I can't see how it helps by continuing to make it a traumatic event. 🤨

My DS (11 now) is autistic, he hated having his teeth brushed and we quite often had to resort to wrapping him in a towel.

Funnily enough I was just telling him about it this evening as he went off to brush his teeth before bed (I said go brush your teeth and his response to that was "no, you" - because he is a cheeky git, and I told him no thanks I'd had enough of that when he was little and told him about the towel, which he thought was hilarious).

He also spoke quite late, although once he decided to speak it turned out he knew all the words and had some very impressive meltdowns.

Your DC is very little at the moment, and could well just be being a 2 year old!

But if they did end up having ASD it doesn't necessarily mean learning difficulties and it's not the end of the world. DS is the absolute light of my life, he makes me laugh every day, he is witty and perfectly himself. He rarely has meltdowns now and if you ask him how he is his usual answer is "content" which he tells me means he is calm and happy. He has his specific needs but in many ways he is much easier going than his NT dsis was at the same age. I know this is not everyone's experience but I wanted to share it because I think it's important to know that a child at 2, with ASD or not doesn't necessarily reflect how things will be forever.

She sounds like any other 2 year old to me