To not want another child because of a custody battle?

[Vampiree]

I have two children and divorced from their dad, I would love to get married again and have another child, but the past few years was rough and I went through a long custody battle with my ex and he took our kids abroad without my consent. I fear that if I have another child with a man I will go through the same again.

I never thought my ex would do the things he’s done, and that’s the thing you never know. I just don’t want to fight over my child again with another man and there’s no guarantee I won’t.

Does anyone feel the same? Has that stopped you from having children with your new partner?

someone I knew came from overseas but was forced to stay here because of her daughter being born here. She used a sperm donor and had her second baby on her own for this reason, so that once her daughter was grown up she could move back to her home country without any issues.

I wouldn’t. Not just because of potential split but because your existing children need stability, especially after you’ve gone through a difficult divorce.

They don’t need a man moving into their home, or moving in with one. They don’t need siblings who get to stay with you all the time when they don’t. They need you, and a peaceful calm home.

Edit - what I am arguing in favour of is what I have done. I’m not one of those pie in the sky “if I ever got divorced I wouldn’t want to marry again” people - you don’t know if you’re not divorced!

Perfectly said

Oh phew - I was a bit worried I would get a lot of angry responses!

Why do you need more children 🤷🏻‍♀️

I had 1 child - 8 year custody battle; in and out of courts etc
Said never anymore children

Met someone else; had another child; he left when I was pregnant never to be heard from again; except when child support got in contact with him; said child is now 4 and never heard from him again - so I doubt we never will again.
Shame for my child but easier life for me and that child compared to the custody battle & child of the custody battle

You're brave, but I just can't.

I'm so upset about everything he put me through, he dragged it out, didn't respond to solicitors and kept my children away from me. I just have a hard time forgiving him and moving on. I'm angry for the way he made me feel, and for the trust issues I now have.

I'm so worn out and I just couldn't have another child with a new partner, I'd be worried we'd split up and end up in court fighting over the child.

Do you have your kids with you now?

If you do I wouldn't have more kids because they've been though a lot and need stability.

@Vampiree - after my second one I am definitely not having anymore; ever.

The trauma of being left pregnant and doing it alone combined with the mental load a custody battle brought & the upset and upheaval of my child with that - it really isn't something I would ever be prepared to do again. So I don't think you'd be unreasonable to not have anymore kids - you can always be with someone and have a life with someone else; they might not even want their own kids so it wouldn't even be a thing so to speak