To be upset when people use personal crises as excuses for poor behaviour?

[TalkNerdyToMe]

I often see people using personal crises or challenges as excuses for rude and inconsiderate behaviour. While I understand that everyone has tough times, I feel it shouldn’t be a blanket excuse for treating others poorly. AIBU to think that personal issues shouldn’t justify bad behaviour?

I agree it irks me when people use stuff from long ago, particularly common place stuff eg my teenaged boyfriend always said it wasn't his fault he struggled with commitment cos his dad had walked out when he was a kid, but I think recent trauma can affect reactions and behaviour. Maybe it shouldn't but again there are degrees of trauma and people have different levels of coping

I think struggles make me kinder because who knows what the other person is going through?

However, it depends what you mean by poor behaviour. Some people have a very low bar for poor behaviour. If not stopping and talking because I need space is poor behaviour, I've been guilty.

Completely depends on the context. If someone is saying I know I've treated you like shite (or am acting badly, or am about to do something horrible), but it's fine because my dad died, that's not OK. But if someone is acknowledging that they've treated you badly and/or that they're generally on edge or snappish right now, and giving some context of why - "sorry I snapped at you; I've been sleeping really badly as my dad just died and my whole family's in chaos over it", I'd try to be understanding and maybe not judge the bad behaviour for a little bit.

@twistingmymelons My profuse apologies! I am sincerely sorry. I had no idea that my post was supposed to be representative of your personal experience as such I wasn't aware that when applied to your story it would be unfitting. I'm so sorry - the context I was referencing though didn't write about explicitly i.e. when I lost my baby, was of course going sound idiotic in comparison to yours - I remember retreating into myself and not wanting to converse with anyone but you're right! That's just silly, I should have been more direct with the doctors, perhaps if I had I wouldn't have lost my baby. Next time what I'll do is send you a message before I post on any thread and ask if it is applicable specifically to you and if it isn't I'll refrain from posting. I wish Mumsent sent a notification of some sort that explicitly stated that we all need to cross-reference with your experiences first!

When I was sorting out the utilities after DH died I called our internet provider to notify them of his death, the person on the other end of the phone took all the details then tried to sell me a new package. I didn't swear at him but I was very blunt when I told him it was completely inappropriate, in easier times I wouldn't have been so blunt. There are only so many times you can say "My husband is dead..." before it breaks you especially when lots of big organisations don't listen well.

I do think personal crisis can be a reason for poor behaviour, but never an excuse. I'm guessing that's what you're getting at OP. There is no excuse for treating people poorly. A person who is struggling could cause unnecessary stress to another who is suffering too.