To expect my child to remember instructions?

[sidsparrownew]

Ever since DD was a toddler my instructions have been consistent. For example, rubbish goes in the bin and not on the floor. Put our shoes off on the shelf. Close the front door behind you. Put your pjs away and don't leave them on the floor. When she was a toddler I always showed big appreciation for doing these things. I started off slow, didn't expect too much as we were still learning. DD is 6 and a half, and still, shoes are thrown about, rubbish thrown on the floor, door left wide open, Pjs on the floor. I have to remind her every single time, and when she then does these things, I say thank you, again I show appreciation for her doing her bit. Am I expecting too much? At what point will she remember these habits? I feel like after 5 years she should remember these things... No?

I have to remind my ds10 to brush his teeth every fucking day!! It's exhausting!

5 days a week we do the same thing every morning to get to school, why is it such a fucking surprise every morning that you need to get ready for school??

Most infuriating but I kinda think it's normal.

Mine are 24.

I reminded my DD yesterday to put her plate in the dishwasher.

(More seriously if you keep reinforcing they will do it most of the time)

Incentives!

Marble in the jar for following the instruction .

3 marbles in the jar for doing the thing WITHOUT being reminded.

Then a big reward when the marble jar is full of course!

It might be an unpopular opinion but I find consequences for not 'remembering' help.

Reward charts.

I still have to remind my nearly 12 year old to do things like this, every day. School shoes are currently still in the middle of the living room and will stay there until I remind her again to put them on the shoe rack.

It is absolutely normal Any child who were to carry out instructions like that without being reminded would be very unusual!.My children would tidy up a bit aged about 5 but that just involved throwing toy's into toy basket They only did it with me helping which is the most realistic expectation .
Can remember a friend who had an immaculate house and her children were bloody terrified of being messy .

DP still needs reminding to lock the back door, shut the windows and that humans need food before they pass out from starvation, not only after their legs go wobbly.

Still not got through to him that used teabags go directly into either the perfectly adequate bin or the completely unnecessary carrier bag draped over a drawer handle two foot further away from the kettle than the bin, rather than being carefully walked across to the other side of the kitchen altogether and then placed upon the chopping board to soak the bottom of the unwrapped loaf of bread busy going stale. And the day it sinks in that buying a second item means it is opened after the previous item is finished, rather than opening up the new one and leaving the other one to go off, I'll throw a ticker tape parade.

You have described my husband who is over 60 😩

DS has been doing all that since age 2 without reminders. In, shut door, shoes off, hang hat, hang coat, wash hands, then he starts whatever is up next. Not perfect at all; we have different issues like wanting to be fed when he's tired despite being 6 now, he just happens to be tidy by nature. His chores are all tidying because that's what he likes. They all get to every stage eventually if you're consistent enough and doing the same thing yourself. Are you consistent enough? Do you have the same routine?

My DD is 12 and still does this things... its bloody annoying especially saying it everyday 😂

Otherwise polite, academic and nice girl. Think she's just naturally abit scruffy and has 101 things on her mind.

My 18 year old still needs reminders to do basic things. Sorry that probably doesn't help, OP 🤣

Stop nagging!

(I hate that word but that's how it's received)

I now say for example - what do you need to do once you've finished breakfast? (Clear my bowl) Where does it need to go? (The dishwasher) What needs to happen once we've finished breakfast? (Brush my teeth)

And it actually helps. They start thinking for themselves, I'm not actually telling them, so it's less frustrating for me. My eldest hates it but it works way better than a direct order.

Also visual checklists for stuff that happens every day.

My 9 year old DS and my 7 year old SDD are utterly useless at this!
My 11 year old has been a champ for years! At 5 he would try hard to make sure he tidied after himself. He's still the same. The other 2... well.... 😬😬😬😬😬.

I sometimes have to remind our nine year old to breathe, so yeah.