Crisis of confidence

[Glitterposter]

I've recently agreed to go on a short break with some people I don't know massively well. It was arranged on a night out and seemed like a good idea, it's something I will enjoy and I like the people I am going with. The problem is that it seems to have created a huge crisis of confidence in me!! I'm laying awake worrying about them not finding me fun enough, not knowing what clothes I should wear and basically feeling that I'm not good enough, fun enough, pretty enough, thin enough etc.. Would I be unreasonable not to go?? I'm never full of confidence but usually tick along fine so this has hit me hard. For info - I'm in my 40's, married, 2 kids

That sounds very peri menopause to me, the doubting yourself and not wanting to go. Don’t let it win!

If people only like you if you are " fun", because of the clothes you wear, and if you are thin/ pretty then they are incredibly shallow, judgemental people.

If you really think that's what they are like then why do you want to go away with them, or spend any time with them at all? Why would you enjoy being with them?

If you really think them liking you, disliking you depends on those reasons I would tell them you have had a rethink and politely withdraw from the break with them.

I immediately thought peri menopause. I was really troubled with thoughts like these in my 40s.

I did a short stint of counselling and that helped a bit. But oh my goodness - the relief when I went on HRT. I wish someone had suggested it to me in my 40s as I now realise how the drop in oestrogen really impacts on anxiety levels.

I'm sure you cd also get results from some different strategies (meditation, exercise, counselling) but a chat with a well informed GP about perimenopause wd b worthwhile. All the best x

Thank you. I think you may be right with the peri-menopause suggestions. I know I'm being irrational but I can't help thinking these thoughts!

I meant to say, as long as you don’t feel at risk of becoming a hermit, saying no to things you don’t want to do is a great luxury in life. If you’re going to worry about this for weeks, give yourself the relief of backing out if that’s what you want to do. Alternatively, you could confide in one of the group about your anxiety and you will almost certainly feel better - and possibly able to go.

Either way, do what is right for you and not what you think you shd do.

Whenever the thoughts enter your head, put up a huge STOP sign, in your head, with your mind, silence that shit Immediately! A big stop ✋️ 🫸 🫷 ✋️ enough.

Do it every single time. Get good at it.

Replace it with "I am fun enough (replace with each or whatever word the crisis is about)

Nobody would invite someone on a holiday that they don't like or have issues with.

You wouldn't have said yes either if you didn't think you would all get along.