Mug?

[endofcornetto]

Some how managed to find myself and DP minding our two nephews one day every weekend. It was supposed to be occasional and shared across a few different relatives so SIL and partner could work extra to pay higher mortgage costs.

The shared thing doesn't seem to be happening.

They are off on an expensive holiday in a few weeks and found out today that last week's "work" was a day of socialising.

AIBU to feel like a bit of a mug subsidising their lifestyle?

Total mugs. Just let them know that you can't commit to a regular thing.

You have to laugh at the cheek of them. Of course you're being taken for a mug.

A bit of a mug? I’d say you were a lot of a mug. I’d send a nice chirpy message right now and say ‘Hey Amy, just to let you I can’t have the boys the next couple of weekends as we have a lot on. Great to see you yesterday, the boys were on good form’.

Then if she asks again I would say the same ‘Sorry can’t do that, we are seeing Pete and Jane for lunch and the next weekend we’ve got XY and Z on.’

Mug!

You need to nip this in the bud NOW. The longer it goes on the more difficult it will become.

It's certainly not fair on you to be having them every weekend. You are not a mug , it just hasn't worked out the way it was planned , shared care. If you are not happy with it the only way round it is to be honest. You love having them and helping out but can't do it every weekend and remind them it was supposed to be shared!!!

Sadly, are not being unreasonable to feel like a bit of a mug.
Now you need to discuss with your DH how you are going to stop it completely! They are taking you both for a ride and the other family members have happily let you shoulder the burden, but the main villain here is your SiL.
They are having a giraffe!

Thank you!! 🙌🙌

Will be rapidly de-mugging!

Can't believe I was so stupid AND that someone can be so manipulative to take advantage like that but live and learn...hopefully!

Put a stop to it now and preferably before they go off on their expensive holiday so that they know on their return they cannot depend on you and your DP.

Say something like “Sil - it’s no longer going to be possible for us to look after Adam and Steve, so you’ll have to find alternative childcare for when you return from Outer Mongolia.”

If she keeps asking say “Look, I don’t want to fall out over this so it’s best if you just accept that our names are not going on the childcare rota from X date.”

She’ll probably get other family members to plead her case with you (they’ll be her flying monkeys, and probably they don’t like or appreciate being roped in to a regular routine either) and you keep saying (don’t give any more details than this) “It no longer works for DP and me to do this”.

Stay strong and firm in your resolve. She has a brass neck. You’re just establishing a good boundary now and no longer have “door mat” stamped across your face.

it was supposed to be occasional and shared across a few different relatives so SIL and partner could work extra to pay higher mortgage costs.

Then remind them of this and tell them you don't want to do it anymore because this is not what you signed up for.
Literally the truth.

If dp wants to go ahead let him. Go out and have a great time without him!

Complete mug! I would be changing the arrangements immediately. If you have to take up other people's weekends to earn money you don't get to go on holiday at all.

Yeah, no drama, but they’re definitely taking the piss! Just a simple “Hi there, hope you had a fab holiday- just to let you know that our weekend schedules have changed so we won’t be able to take Ben and Jake at the weekends anymore. Catch up soon!”

If they start quizzing you about what/ when, just say “Oh various things, TBH each weekend is so packed I’m not going to know if I’m coming or going.” Be very vague. But very very busy.

What a lovely thing to do Op to help them out when you thought they were struggling and they have taken advantage and manipulated you and your dp

I would be busy next time they want you to have your nephews and it would make me doubt things they say in future as they blatantly lied to you. I am sure you and other family members would have still helped out if they had been honest- would you mind babysitting we have been invited out for the day. Would you mind babysitting so we can do overtime as we are saving up to take the kids to x for a holiday of a lifetime