To wonder if this is normal for 5 or is my DD ND. I’m struggling

[FruitMedleyy]

1. Gets really really upset when she she’s not able to do something. For example, climb up somewhere high or go somewhere she’s not allowed to go but it results in tears and screaming that I can’t seem to calm her down. She’s forever climbing on things

1. Unable to sit still for long. When we go out for meals she’s always standing up and trying to leave the table

Blanks me out when I’m trying to speak to her and when she’s fixated on something

Always speaking to herself and making noises

Emotional outbursts and meltdowns, including hitting and kicking

Gets upset if her food is not cut up ‘right’ or one food is touching the other. If it is, she won’t eat it

Only has a couple of friends but doesn’t branch out

Hates loud noises such as hair dryer and hand driers, will hide or cover her ears

Has no fear at all. Will run off from me and try and go out of sight

Struggles with sleep and says she doesn’t like it when it’s silent at night time.

All of these things I’ve spoke. To her about and tried to follow tips how to help her but nothing is helping.

She also struggles with change

Also, she will mimic and copy her friends, she won’t ever make decisions for herself, she will do what her friends are doing and try to fit in

Hi OP that does sound typical from five year olds I know yes. I'm sure she will grow out of the behaviours but I wouldn't be concerned about any of that to be honest.

I follow theotbutterfly on Instagram who has loads of advice around how sensory input needs can affect kids behaviour. Sorry I can’t answer the ND question but she might have some tips to help you manage the behaviour a bit easier

Hi OP!! Sorry to hear you're struggling. It's a super tricky one because she is still so young. It could be just that she's still learning to regulate her emotions and she's frustrated at not being able to do what she wants. It could also be that she's ADHD and/or autistic. My DS1 was very much the same and he was diagnosed with adhd at 7. I also suspect he's autistic and we're currently going through the process of a diagnosis. My DS2 is 5 and can often show very similar traits as you're explaining but we are 100% sure that he is NT, he's just young. Is she in school? Have you spoken to a teacher? If you're really concerned about ND then approach your gp and ask for a referral to a children's centre or the equivalent.

This could be typical or it could be neurodiversity, it’s hard to tell. Have you spoken to school to try and work out what they think?

Thanks everyone. She started school last year and it seems to have got worse since then. School have no concerns and have said she is quiet whilst at school but have said it is possible she is masking so have asked for a phone call about her triggers. I am just struggling as its everyday that she will be having a meltdown about something and I am being hit in the face when trying to calmy speak to her and help her

Sounds like my son who is ND, but they wont diagnose ADHD til age 6 because its normal for kids to have many of these behaviours before 6.

have you tried white noise at bedtime?

Sounds like my (soon to be) 7 year old. We have an autism assessment this week actually, so we'll soon see. I really can't decide if she is autistic like the school SENCO suspects, or if she's just emotionally immature. She was delayed in talking and slow to learn to read - so maybe she's just behind. I really don't know.

She’s learning to mask.

Does she like to go barefoot a lot?
I did and still do (diagnosed at 64) and I notice my granddaughter is the same (not yet diagnosed).

Likes situations to play out as she has anticipated and is stressed if they don’t.

Rocks without being aware.
Lots of stimming (foot twitching, hair twiddling, in my case).

Girls are very under diagnosed and it's much more common for them to mask, but of course noone will be able to diagnose her online. Does she behave this way only for you of for lots of familiar adults?

She sounds a lot like my autistic child, but I’ve never really been around a NT five year old so I don’t have the best frame of reference!

She sounds very much like my 5 year old bar one of two of your observations. We did become concerned earlier this year that she was quick to upset and it took a very very long time for her to calm down compared to her peers. However, we are have seen a big improvement in that regard without any real intervention, and as that was our main concern, we are not considering ND at the moment.

Watch and wait.
I don't think it's typical for 5 years old, no, and you're listing some behaviours that also show in kids who are ND.
But that could settle with maturity so see how it goes. Take any advice from school that is offered.

My 5 year old (year 1) can have some epic meltdowns and dislike loud noises like hand dryers. However these feelings have began to calm down marginally over the last six months. She definitely isn't ND just to reassure you that these can be normal behaviours.

If school think she might be masking then it's definitely worth going down the route of assessment. Worst case scenario they don't think she has any ND and you can work on the behaviours.