To not want to do this?

[HappyAsIAm4now]

First, some background: my relationship ended 3 years ago, not my decision, he hurt me a lot, after which I attended a counsellor, which helped me get over things, although it took a long time. I'm in a good place now, have no interest - at the moment anyway - in dating or getting into a relationship and I'm enjoying single life, am content. I took up a new hobby after breakup and this keeps me busy, along with seeing family and friends.

A friend contacted me to say that a friend of her boyfriend - whom I've never met - is keen to meet someone and they immediately thought of me and would I be interested in meeting this guy sometime but with them also in attendance. Just to say they're friends with my ex also, but we never discuss him.

My gut reaction is no, I don't want to go on this date, I'm happy with my life now, and definitely not on a double date! It's not that I'm stil pining over my ex, I'd never go back there, but I've just no interest at the moment and I don't want to even meet if my heart's not in it. They're a lovely couple and I feel bad saying no. I haven't given an answer yet.

IABU - go on the date, even though I've no interest
IANBU - decline, say I'm happy with my life now, I just don't want to be in a relationship with anyone

You've got no interest in dating because you are happy and fulfilled. I wouldn't risk that because some random fancies their chances. Shame on your 'friend' for not taking no for an answer.

I'm glad the support on this thread has helped.

Women aren't here to prop up and service men - we actually exist in our own right and our own needs, wants and fulfilment matter.

Sounds like she's trying to railroad you into it now. My guess is she's probably told him she can set up a date with you and now has egg on her face so it trying to guilt you into doing it. Just tell her to p,ease stop. You made yourself clear and won't discus it again.

I'm also happily single and if a friend tried to pursue something like this with me after not taking no for an answer initially, I would be really quite angry.
I think you need to be very firm that if she raises it again you're going to fall out. The last thing you want is her trying to set you up "accidentally" by inviting you both to the same party or whatever.

I think you are right. She is already not respecting ops boundaries by keeping on about it. Next she will accidentally invite him without telling her. Her persistence leads me to suspect she's already got her bf to tell him she will set a date up for him.

I agree that she probably doesn't believe that you can actually be genuinely happy on your own.

But also, if and when you do want to date again, you might prefer for it not to be someone closely connected to a friend of yours because that can bring various complications too.

I'd be annoyed now that she's not prepared to drop the subject.

You told her you were happy as you were and declined. She's rude to be pushing it. Who cares whether her opinion is 'you should give it a go'. You've said you aren't interested.

I'd be firmly telling her 'You and I will fall out if you bring this up again. I'm annoyed that you can't respect my boundaries and my decisions'.

That's exactly how I feel re the close connection. If I ever do feel like dating again, I wouldn't want it to be a situation like this.

I'd respond to her comment as @Desmodici has suggested perhaps by starting the response like:
"Hi friend, Not being interested and not being ready are two different things. I currently have no interest in pursuing a romantic relationship. Thanks for thinking of me but perhaps one of your other friends may be in a position to pursue something with this other person? Anyway, I'm too busy leading my best single life that I'm going to say I want to be selfish and enjoy that for a while. Talk to you again soon"

Can I ask you, @HappyAsIAm4now, if this person that is trying her best to be the next Cilla Black, knows your ex, what did they think of him?
Did they like him? Were they aware of how much hurt he caused you and were they there for you or for him or neither when you were separating?

I'd be wondering if they are really a good judge of character and why they are repeatedly pushing you to start a relationship with this other man.

If they keep pushing, I'd be firm in my responses (having previously been polite) and I'd say "I don't need a man in my life to feel fulfilled so I'd really appreciate if we can drop this now. It is making me uncomfortable that you feel you can't spend time with me without bringing this person up and trying to match make. I'm not interested so let's drop it."

I don't think being in a relationship with another person is necessarily best started from a place of wanting. If you love someone, you're much better doing it because it comes naturally and makes your brilliant life even better. As opposed to feeling like something is missing and experiencing negative emotions about being single. I wonder if you're partially reluctant to date again because it feels difficult to become that vulnerable. If so, that fear is unlikely to go away. You have shown yourself you can do it. You can build a fulfilling life on your own and you do indeed have nothing to lose my going on a date, anymore than you have from meeting up with the friend of a friend who might become your friend. So much in life is about timing. You're not sure that you'll ever want to be in a relationship but you're also not sure that you'll never want to be. I wouldn't leave it until you're wanting to be in a relationship. It cuts down the exposure time you have and shrinks the dating pool for you. There are so many people on dating sites who feel 'ready' and have done so for the last five years. Feeling ready has turned into insecurity and loneliness. It makes it harder to date them. I feel like a lot of these people might be happily married by now if they had been open to significant connections before they decided it was time to get themselves a partner. They would have had more options and been more attractive back then.

Yes, they know my ex and although they knew he really hurt me in the end, I didn't go into much detail because of the fact they know him and didn't want to bad-mouth him too much. It's for this reason also I wish she wouldn't get involved in my love life and leave me be.

She’s overstepping your boundaries OP and that’s really not ok.
You just need to keep being firm and telling her no

I do wonder if she’s told this guy she’s got a friend she will fix him up with and doesn’t want to look silly by telling him you’re not interested.

Im long term single (5 years) and I have friends who find it impossible to believe that anyone can be happy unless they’re in a relationship. I just smile politely when they try to get me to chat to random men and carry on with what I want to do.

Being single is absolutely the right choice for you. Dont feel pressured to change that unless you want to.

Definitely not. Even if you did want to consider dating, she is way too close to it. What would happen if you went and said thanks but nah, don't won't to see him again? Sounds like she would pressure you and question it. And if you say yes to this date then its a slippery slope to her organising more.
I'd focus more on the 'blind dates are awful' and less on the 'not ready' part ad it's really none of her business.
Also- why would she do that to the poor man? He is actively wanting to meet someone, presumably for a real relationship if he is involving his friends, why would she push him to meet someone who is 90% unlikely to want to have a relationship, seems needlessly demoralising.

I would worry about how she’d be about it if you did date. If she’s this intense at you declining to be set up, imagine how she’d be after your first date…or say you went on a few and then decided not to see him any more?!
Some people just can’t wrap their head around others being happy single but that’s her problem, not your’s.