I just hid from a kid and her grandma, but I think they saw me

[Ohleavemealone]

At the back of our house, across the road is the grandma of a girl from my DD’s (6) school.
She comes to stay with her grandma midweek and Sundays. My Dd generally ends up upset after playing with her as this girl can say mean things and is quite bratty.
Dd still wants to play with her as she’s just very sociable, but if she goes round, her grandma often keeps her there for ages-eg when I WhatsApp or go round to get her, she’ll say ‘Oh but they just started playing such and such’ or ‘She can join us for lunch/dinmer, is that ok?’ She often gets my Dd gifts too. I appreciate it all and it’s kind, but also a bit much? Dd also has a pal two doors down who nips in and out and she goes there, mum very chilled, she gets on brilliantly with this boy etc and I much prefer this situation.
We often have this girl over for hours on a Sunday and there’s often rows and Dd getting upset. The last time she went over, this girl had been mean to her and she was so upset that night, I vowed to back away from it all.
So today, Dh has taken her out to meet friends at the playground, I’m trying to enjoy a rare afternoon to myself when I hear her shouting over the back fence, so I closed the patio. Next thing they’re driving to the front of the house, my dog started barking, I peeked around the curtain to see who it was and it’s them shouting out of the car for her 😫 I’m in my pjs, so I just backed away hoping they hadn’t seen me and they go to the end of the road, turn around and stop outside again calling out her name,
I know I should have got dressed and gone out to tell them she’s out, but it likely would have involved the grandma making arrangements to drop her granddaughter to us later and I just can’t be doing with it, I also find the grandma buying presents and dropping off happy meals and so on, quite odd? Is it, or am I just miserable?
When the kids come to play here, I provide snacks and drinks and sometimes offer bbq or dinner if they’re here at that time, but I don’t buy presents or go to get them drive thru Mcds, when the child isn’t even with us.
This girl is quite spoiled and mean and will say she’s more beautiful than Dd or has better toys etc, Dd hasn’t encountered that kind of talk yet and has no issues with her other friends, so she gets quite angry/upset by it,
Sorry, long post! The main point of my post was-I think they saw me peek out, what would you do?? Should I send a message saying, sorry Dd is out with her dad and I’m sick so couldn’t come out?

No, just leave it. They may not have seen and apologising makes sure they know you hid. Apologising looks weird, even weirder than hiding from them. And if they did see you, they'll have got the message that you didn't want DD to play.

Boundaries! If the girl is saying mean things to your DD surely you say something to her about that. If the Grandma says something about her staying for dinner and you don't want that to happen you just say, no thank you she needs to come home now. You need to stop being so passive about this - just because they want something to happen that doesn't mean you have to agree to it

Excuse me! They were shouting out of the car to your house?! Didn’t bother getting out to knock?! Rude! I would have ignored completely!! And if they did see you maybe they will take a hint!!

The girl was leaning out of the car window, shouting DD’s name, it is rude.
She did this a couple of weeks ago, with a present for Dd, not her birthday or anything. Of course Dd goes running out and begs for her to come and play, which puts me in an awkward situation and then the girl stayed for hours. She does invite her back and I can never get Dd home, I need to be firmer now with saying no to staying for lunch/dinner etc, didn’t want to be rude at first, but now it’s annoying me!

I wouldn’t do anything. They should understand that maybe you were busy.

Nah, don’t apologise, just style it out now and if they do it again, ignore them again. You never know, they might get the message and leave you be.

Do nothing.
Are you a good call for the grandparent to have some support in looking after the GD - ship her off to yours for a few hours?

I would stop the play visits or reduce the length of time (a shorter time may help, np mesls, leave on a high!). And inform both children at the start of a play date, any nastiness from either and GD goes home.

Though I'd have a chat and see if DD wants to continue with play dates. I think it is fine to say to the grandparent "I am so sorry but DD and your GD just aren't getting on that well. Spoke to DD and we think a break from.playing together is needed".

Honestly I'd message the nan and say please stop buying gifts and happy meals for DD, she won't be available for any playdates going forward with your GD either.
Sounds like she's trying to buy a friendship and guilt you into access to your DD, nip it in the bud you don't want her to influence your own child with her behaviour.

I think they are trying to buy you favours with thier "presents". I would be very wary of this.

You need to woman up! They sound weird and rude.

Don't say anything about hiding from them.

Just put boundaries in place from now on.

Sounds as if you need to stop your daughter seeing her for a while-including running out to the car!

I originally read the title that you had hidden a kid from her Grandma!

They didn't come to the door-no need to go chasing out after them.

@diddl 😂

Thanks all, so grandma sent a WhatsApp saying they came round before 🙄
I said that Dh had taken Dd out to her friends because I’m ill so couldn’t get to the door-I had to say it really
She responded with loads of voice notes from the Gd that don’t make sense, I’ve not bothered to let Dd listen today, otherwise she’ll be wanting to call to her over the fence. I still don’t get what the point of driving two seconds round the block to call to her was? I’m assuming to drop her Gd at ours?? What a cheek

Message the gran back with the old "the girls don't seem to be getting along at the minute" type message so you think it's best you give them some space. She's clearly not going to take the hint.

Honestly I wouldn't worry about offending them, they might feck off then!

You need to speak firmly to your daughter about this child not being nice and you do not want her coming in and you don't want to hear any more about her.
She needs to learn to accept what you say.
No asking for her to come into your house, in front of her.
Tell the grandmother the girls are not getting on, your daughter was upset and they need space until further notice.
Ignore any futher texts completely.
Pushy, rude, entitled people.
Be firm with all of them.

What I find quite weird is the happy meal thing,
A few weeks ago, we were inside and the Gd called over the fence to my Dd. She ran out to chat to her in the garden over the fence (all our patios open etc, can’t help but hear her)
Dd ran back in and said the Gd was calling her because they were going to Mcds drive thru and did she want a happy meal. Dd was really excited and it put me in the situation of looking like I’d spoiled the fun. I’m not that fussed about McDonald’s occasionally, so said yes, but it’s not really the point, it’s not as though they were both at their house and asked if she wanted one.
The other week they drove to the front of the house again and this time had a present of a purse and a necklace for Dd, Gd then ran in to play most of the day. I mean, it was a sweet gift but it seems a lot

Also, the other week the Gd came to us for a couple of hours in the morning, the grandma then invited Dd to hers. I texted a couple of times, the grandma asked if she could stay for lunch, I said yes abd thank you. Twice I messaged that I’d come to get her and she’d say ‘Oh they haven’t been for a swim yet’ with a sad face or ‘Oh they’re playing nicely’ with a photo of them playing.
I appreciate the break and with Dd being an only child, I was grateful the grandma lived nearby…at first, now it just feels a bit weird?!

Presumably the granddaughter is easier to entertain with a friend there. That's not your problem though.

They know GD is a brat and/or being nasty. The presents are to smooth things over and make it difficult to say no.

They find it easier for their gd to have someone to play with, otherwise she'll have to play with her, herself! Just explain that they haven't been getting along lately, so they're having a break from each other.

I'd leave it. If they ask say you had no pants on so couldn't come to the door

Absolutely this 👆

Absolutely! Spot on!

@mummytrex Yes I think you’re right

It might be as entertainment for their Gd, but she has her over Sunday afternoon and Wednesday after school for a few hours, hardly a lot of time to be with her, herself.
It might get easier when it starts to go darker earlier, it’s awful though as no escape. I’ve started making sure we’re out for the afternoon on a Sunday, sometimes I just want to chill in my house though, it’s too much now. I’ll have to start saying no, even if we’re in a few times and hopefully it will sink in