Am I wrong for choosing a SEN secondary school for academically able daughter ?

[Hellothere25]

we just completed the paperwork and listed our 2 preferences for daughters year 7 transition for the LA ( EHCP )
we listed the 2 Sen schools which are local that provide GCSEs
daughter has in my opinion complex needs and her attendance has unfortunately been impacted however with EHCP she has progressed beautifully at her primary school ( mainstream ) and academically very able.
the LA are happy with our choices and have said they will not send her EHCP to any mainstream settings or any with units. However in a group discussion when discussing with “ friends “ where the kids were going, they were mortified that 1 I would hold her back because even if Sen schools do GCSE they are rarely the same opportunities as mainstream ?
also were confused why I would take a place away from someone who isn’t academy able. I was feeling confident with my choices but now worried I’m holding her back ?

SEND doesn't mean low academic ability. Your friends are clueless, if your DD wasn't suited to the environment she wouldn't have been given a place.

I work in a SEN secondary dept (it is a through school but lots of students join in Y7)

You chose what you felt was the most appropriate setting for your child and as the parent, you know her best.

I have worked in mainstream too and the difference is astounding. Children with SEND can struggle massively to fit in - not just socially with friends but also the rigid rules (wearing specific clothing that irritates kids with sensory issues / having to work in large noisy crowded environments / being told off for lacking focus etc / having to use toilets at break) whereas at our school it is very student led - they can take movement breaks when they need / if they are struggling they can go out or put in headphones etc which can often avoid them feeling disregulated whereas in mainstream they would have to put up and shut up with only minor changes being made.

And lastly, what is to say that children at SEND settings are not academic and can't take their GCSEs? We have several who have achieved 8s and 9s

SEN schools vary a lot but if it offers gcses I can't see what opportunities she is missing. I also can't see an LA supporting this unless they felt it was a suitable option.

You have been very sensible.
Your DC will thrive academically only if their more fundemental needs are met (emotional, social, physical, sensory… whatever the issues are for your DD), and that may well be harder to achieve in a mainstream. You’ve done the right thing.

Just get her into plenty of social groups and opportunities outside school, so she is well-rounded.

You are doing what you feel is best for your DD.

My DS started at a SEN school in year 9. Had he stayed in mainstream he would not have achieved any GCSES, at his specialist he passed a few including English and Maths.

Yes there can be more opportunities in mainstream but if it’s not the right environment they can’t be accessed by the student.

Yes this is was my opinion the whole time, she is incredibly smart in her unique ways especially in maths, science and computers.
she is also very very well behaved as in she should never intentionally do a thing wrong and gets very upset if she was to get in to trouble. She has complex medical needs meaning she is often out of school for long periods of time but does continue her school work.
as well as her medical needs she has autism ,hemiplegia, communication disorder and anxiety.
her primary school like all schools in our area is a one entry form so 30 children per year and it’s a small catholic school.
The secondary schools are huge here and I don’t see her fitting in or coping.

there is no reason for your friends to feel mortified- it’s not at all embarrassing and it’s none of their business really. You know your child best and IME, SEND school places are hard to come by. Your child wouldn’t have been granted one if her needs didn’t warrant it. yANBU at all

Have you been to see the mainstream secondaries? How is she coping in primary? Does she have friends at primary and how does she feel about leaving them?

If the LA are happy with this then it seems very likely that it's the right place for her. Is it a general SEN school or is it a more targeted one?

Friends often won't realise. I have a child with an ECHP and even very good friends don't really get it.

Your friends are thinking about things in incredibly naieve shallow terms. Your daughters academic ability is irrelevant really, she needs to be in a setting in which all her needs are met and she can grow in a multitude of ways. A happy nurtured child well held by a school which understands and meets her complex needs is likely to ensure a blossoming child who will reach their emotional, creative, academic, social potential.

Girls (in particular) with SEN tend to find mainstream secondary a lot more challenging than primary and it is where the wheels can really come off. It sounds like you’ve made the right decision for your daughter - you haven’t taken a place away from anyone!

I'm likely to be in this situation in a year's time. Thank you for confirming the direction I'm leaning in ie same as you.

She coped well she has friends at school, gets along with most but is an easy target for bullying which has happened. She does have a 1-1 though and a very solid ehcp which is why she has coped. Prior to this school and the updated ehcp she did not cope ( was a diff school )
she is a lovely girl but very very very timid and passive and sometimes can get her self very overwhelmed over the smallest of things.

Ah it’s so stressful right ? 🤣🤣

If the LA were willing to send her EHCP to those schools, then they obviously feel it's a suitable option. The schools will then consider her EHCP, and if for whatever reason they didn't feel it was a good match they would explain their reasons to the LA as part of the consultation process. So if they're okay with accepting her, and the LA are willing to consult with them, then your friends can jog on as it's nothing to do with them.

My son has some similar challenges (autism, ADHD, dysgraphia, anxiety) and is highly academically gifted. He went to a special school for primary and middle school and absolutely thrived. We've since moved countries and he is really struggling in a mainstream school. Here a special school won't accept him because they require students to have an intellectual disability. I would love for him to attend a special school again, he would be so much happier and less anxious. Sounds like you've made a really sound choice for your daughter. Hope she loves high school.

I think you are doing the sensitive and sensible thing in considering all her needs and your friends are either ill-informed or shallow idiots.

There are different types of special school, s it's not one size fits all there are lots of children like your daughter who whilst academically able, struggle in mainstream, of the LEA are happy to fund the placement than they must agree that it's the best school that suits your daughters needs ,ignore your friends they seem ignorant.

You have chosen the school that seems like it will be the best fit for your child.

if we had had a SEN school which offered GCSEs locally I would have jumped at the chance for DS. As it is I picked a mainstream which could support him because I knew he would want the chance to possibly do GCSEs and thankfully we are now in year 10 and so far so good(ish)

You know your DD better than anyone and you have chosen the best option(s) for her.

People can be incredibly snobby about the schools they send their child to.