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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would you blame other woman in this situation?

8 replies

orangeleopard · 21/09/2024 21:14

When I was pregnant, I was best friends with a girl who found out she was pregnant not long after I did (due dates less than a month apart). We spoke about how our children were going to grow up together and just shared pregnancy experiences - we were both young mums and it made it feel a lot less lonely. For context, she also was my shoulder to cry on when I confided in her about the abuse I was being subjected to by my partner, even when pregnant. She would wipe away my tears and beg me to leave him.

Well her and her partner broke up as he found out he was cheating on her - I didn’t think much of it at the time until I found out that she was cheating with MY partner at the time. We were both still pregnant.

He left me for her, which to be honest done me a favour as I had tried to escape his abuse multiple times but I could never get away. At least a positive came out of that. But they got together during our pregnancies, he aided HER during her pregnancy, his family threw HER a baby shower and gave the gifts meant for my baby - to hers (and no the baby isn’t biologically his). When the babies were born, lockdown hit and I was a single parent living alone with a newborn (after a csection) and she had him to help raise her baby.

The worst of all, despite her watching me being abused for years - she started putting all over social media how I was ‘scum’ and awful horrible names about me because she believed lies that he told her (his smear campaign against me). She also started calling herself ‘mum’ to my baby and they both referred to me as the ‘incubator’.

I was 22 and alone, I was trying to heal from abuse in the home that broke me during lockdown. Whilst raising a newborn on 3 hours sleep a night. Then watching her, him and their family and friends all call me the most awful horrendous names on social media, basically being cyber ‘bullied’ - I really didn’t want to be alive anymore.

I pushed through and became a stronger person because of it. But I never really forgave and I hold a bit of a grudge. I know people have this thing that the woman owes no loyalty to you - it’s the man who does, which I completely get… but if they’re aware they’re in a relationship then they’re also in the wrong. It’s just also the fact that the entire time he was cheating on me with her, she comforted me when I told her about the horrendous abuse I had endured. Then made ME out to be a horrible person. She took my partner, tried to take my baby, basically stole my ‘happiness’ all so she could thrive

OP posts:
CameltoeParkerBowles · 21/09/2024 21:18

What a horrible person. Still, I can't help thinking she will be on the receiving end of his abuse and infidelity before too long, so she may find the boot's on the other foot. Find better friends. I wouldn't be in a hurry to forgive her.

StripeyDeckchair · 21/09/2024 21:20

Comparison is the thief of joy.

Block this person and stop comparing your lives.
Remember your ex was abusive to you & you were struggling to leave him.
Focus on yourself & your baby & build the best life you can for you both.

You are a strong, fabulous woman. Its tough right now but you will move forwards & on to better things.
💐

poppyzbrite4 · 21/09/2024 21:22

You don't have great taste in people OP as she was obviously abusive as well. Of course she's to blame, she was meant to be your friend and completely betrayed you.

He will abuse her as well and you're well rid off both of them. I advise you to do the Freedom Programme in person if you can and read up on red flags in relationships.

Block them on all social media and try to move on with your life. It's a blessing his family don't want to be involved. I hope you've gone to CMS for maintenance.

MintyNew · 21/09/2024 21:23

Her day will come, be sure of that. Sorry you went through that. They deserve each other.

5128gap · 21/09/2024 21:23

OP yours is a very specific and horrific example of betrayal. She is not just a random woman who owed you no loyalty because she's never met you, she was your friend and manipulated and deceived you in the worst way. So of course she is every bit as bad as your ex in this particular case. Tbh the pair of them and his family sound so far from normal in their behaviour that they really don't compare with 'usual' affair situations. I'm so happy they are out of your life. Now try to get them out of your head. You've been so unlucky to have met such people and I hope you never meet anyone like them again.

Londonrach1 · 21/09/2024 21:24

Block her. As you mentioned she done you a favour as you got away! On wards and upwards ..you are free of someone who abused you

MindfulGrateful · 21/09/2024 21:26

StripeyDeckchair · 21/09/2024 21:20

Comparison is the thief of joy.

Block this person and stop comparing your lives.
Remember your ex was abusive to you & you were struggling to leave him.
Focus on yourself & your baby & build the best life you can for you both.

You are a strong, fabulous woman. Its tough right now but you will move forwards & on to better things.
💐

This, OP. Just do this. Good luck to you x

Viviennemary · 21/09/2024 21:28

They are both scum. She is totally evil.

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