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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to hope, that if dh says that he will get the kids ready for school or to do the packed lunches...

51 replies

FYIAD · 21/04/2008 09:25

that he will do it properly, ie kids clean, with brushed hair (or at least get them to brush own hair), school clothes clean and not full of creases. And packed lunches to have food that they will actually eat in them rather than things that they don't like just because he wants to use them up or thinks that they do like them but can't actually be arsed to ask/check?

oh, and do we think going downstairs first thing and making a cup of tea/coffee (for me and him) and getting the cereal bowls and boxes of cereal out means that actually he is absolved of any other duties in the morning?

OP posts:
FluffyMummy123 · 21/04/2008 10:01

Message withdrawn

Original poster
FYIAD · 21/04/2008 10:01

I bet there is something you really care about thgouh 100x

and it wold drive you mad if your dh did it in shite manner

no he tidies super efficiently

I blardy ahte it

OP posts:
FluffyMummy123 · 21/04/2008 10:02

Message withdrawn

Original poster
FYIAD · 21/04/2008 10:03

yes dh is fab stacker

its the spatial awareness thing

OP posts:
ahundredtimes · 21/04/2008 10:07

Yes, you are right. Food - when he put himself in charge of food buying it was all spaghetti hoops and ready meal pies from Sainsbury's - and I HATED that.

So then I did the list.

But I still think you have to let him do it as he does it, otherwise he won't do anything at all, will he?

SorenLorensen · 21/04/2008 10:11

Do you know what I hate? I hate dh's poncey-cup. I get up and do packed lunches and breakfast (kids get themselves dressed). He gets up after me (at least an hour after me...) and has coffee and toast. I shriek "shoes!" and "teeth!" a lot (that made me laugh, 2sugars) He does take them to school (he walks to work and school is on the way) but even though he has had a cup of coffee already he still takes his ponceoid insulated cup (it is blue and shiny and says "COFFEE FOR REAL MEN WHO DO MANLY AND IMPORTANT JOBS IN A MANLY MANNER WHILE STILL BEING CARING NEW MEN WHO TAKE THEIR KIDS TO SCHOOL"...OK, it doesn't say that. But it should). I hate that cup. Sometimes I hide it so he thinks he has left it at work.

ahundredtimes · 21/04/2008 10:11

Am interested in the finicky tidying though. Is it meaningful tidying? With sighing and purpose and criticism?

I hate that kind of tidying.

FluffyMummy123 · 21/04/2008 10:12

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FluffyMummy123 · 21/04/2008 10:12

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ishouldbeironing · 21/04/2008 10:19

I know where you are coming from re kids being properly dressed.
When I was in hospital having my DTS my DH arrived at the hospital with our 3yr old DD saying
"Look X is dressing herself now - no reason for her not to "
I took one look at my DD and signed myself out of hospital the next day.

VanillaPumpkin · 21/04/2008 10:24

My dh leaves for work at 7.15 having made me a cup of tea and had his breakfast and made his lunch. Bowl is on surface above dishwasher (why?) and chopping board by sink. It is then just me to get the dd's ready. We have a good routine and dd1 has school dinners and short bobbed hair so no up styles to worry about .
If we have to go out at the weekend for 9am I ask dh NOT to get involved. He slows us all down. Even if he feeds the dd's it doesn't save time as I still have to eat my breakfast. He is hilarious at choosing outfits and so now refuses to and life is just much easier if I do it all.
He does walk the dog and the cup of tea by my bed when I get up makes it all worth it.

The problem is they will never do it the way you want it doing. They will do it the way they see as best and this is not always the quickest way. DH also says he will do things I ask but when he is ready. I say that I wouldn't ask him to do something if it didn't need doing right now whilst I am busy with something else . Such is life.

Original poster
FYIAD · 21/04/2008 10:30

vanilla you are so right

lololol at cup and fruit tea

100 iti s mild OCD tidying there is no implicit criticism - only my only nagging worry that if I was more tidy then he wouldnt have to do it, then that might free him up to help more with chidlren

OP posts:
FluffyMummy123 · 21/04/2008 10:33

Message withdrawn

Original poster
FYIAD · 21/04/2008 10:36

but it would be ridiculous if i was huffily tidying, it would never happen

I do tidy, but I leave bits behind me (or dd3 does). He can make a room look like the marie celeste in 10 minutes.

OP posts:
FluffyMummy123 · 21/04/2008 10:37

Message withdrawn

VanillaPumpkin · 21/04/2008 10:38

I have a problem now that if dh does any cleaning or tidying I take it personally that I haven't done a good enough job . I am a SAHM though so perhaps I need to get a job . I keep telling him things will have to change then. Volunteering at the school / nursery / toddlers and committee work and being treasurer for a group isn't enough to erase the guilt. Unless it is the cooker. He can have the cooker! I hate cleaning the cooker.

Original poster
FYIAD · 21/04/2008 10:39

what tidy up round him whilest being huffy?

I do huffy cooking and huffy packed lunches and huffy clothes sorting and huffy searching for all the things he has tidied away

me: WHERE is dd2s passport applicatino? I left it by the computer
him: oh I put away in the drawer
me: which drawer?
him: the drawer with all the passports in by my bed
me; oh ffs

OP posts:
VanillaPumpkin · 21/04/2008 10:39

Oh and huffy cleaning here gets spectacularly ignored!

Original poster
FYIAD · 21/04/2008 10:40

him: dont get cross with me
nme: look, i tell you what, instad of tidying it away why dont you actually fill it in and get it done, hmm, hmm, oh yes, anyone can tidy ffs

well ok thats slight wish fulfillment but thats what I WANT to say

OP posts:
VanillaPumpkin · 21/04/2008 10:43

I smashed a whole bottle of Lea and Perrins yesterday that had been left on the worktop under the cupboard it lives in. DH had managed to carry it that far to get it to the kitchen but not managed to actually put it in the cupboard. I blamed him . (I had bad PMT yesterday). I think we should swap. I need a tidier.

legacy · 21/04/2008 10:46

Gawd - this is turning into MY other thread about how we just can't seem to train our husbands!

Can we turn it into something practical instead? How about a husband/partner-training equivalent of FlyLady... y'know, baby steps and all that?
Perhaps someone who seems to have sorted out their DH (Oi, Cod, that sounds like YOU!) could start a thread with the training task for the day/ trying a particular tone of voice/ asking in a non-nagging but firm way/ having one of those 'household responsibilities' discussions...

Then some good (for us!) could come out of all this moaning

(And MN could take the content and publish it as a book called, "How to get husbands to do what you want them too, without them even realising...")

Pleeeease someone help us lost causes by doing this

Squirdle · 21/04/2008 11:07

Your DH's put their dishes on top of the dishwasher?? Mine leaves the breakfast things on the table!

He did actually put a load of washing in the machine the other day, but only because they were ten ton of Aikido kit. I did tell him not to put anything that wasn;t white in with them, but did he listen, no! He now has slightly grey Aikido kit I also had to change the dial to the right setting on the washing machine after he had put it on.

He doesn't do tidying, but every now and again will take everything out of a cupboard in the kitchen and then put it all back again, muttering. I do tell him that he does sort the cupboards soooo well, that I leave it to him. He likes to reorganise the fridge too. He doesn't know where the laundry bin is, even when he bathes the children, he puts their clothes next to the laundry bin!

Not much I can do, if I haven't trianed him by now, I never will!

evenhope · 21/04/2008 11:08

Oh the tidying. That's what my DH does. His idea of tidying is to pick up everything from floor and surfaces and put it in a pile- or worse still a box.

In the pile will be junk mail flyers that have come through the door; old newspapers; empty envelopes; the receipt and guarantee for the new camera; bank statements; a couple of credit card statements that need to be paid in the next day or so; a permission slip for school that has to be back this week; a letter ready for posting; money-off coupons; clubcard vouchers.

While searching through a pile for something else I often come across things I lost 6 months ago, which have usually expired in the meantime.

I leave stuff out to remind me to deal with it. He "puts it away" Needless to say he doesn't pay bills or deal with stuff.

lazybum · 21/04/2008 11:26

Mine dh does`nt even clear the table, wash up,pick his clothes up of the floor.In our bedroom you feel like your in the SAS cos you are treading over and under his things
He does feck all
When he does get the kids ready 4 school (I already have put uniform out)
DD trousers are back to front and her alice band he puts on like BJORN Borg.
You could despair.
Actually I do despair

PersephoneSnape · 21/04/2008 12:23

mercifully i am a lone parent and do everything I need to in respect of my children myself without under-foot OHs to expend energy on.