We don't exist to MIL

[thefakeslimshady]

To cut a long story short, this has been bugging the hell out of me for some time now.

Been with partner over four years now, he has a kid with his ex, i have three of my own.

His family have zero to do with us. I have no relationship with his only sibling. His mum doesnt contact me anymore. This wasnt the case previously. When the ex decided to move miles away with the child she was non stop in contact. I spent hours on the phone to her at a time.

Ever since the ex moved back, that was it. Nothing. But they will go over to the ex's house, go on days out with them etc.

My kids get birthday cards, so i guess i should be grateful. But theyre always late or names misspelt. Theyre not biologically her grandkids but they are step children and as a result theyve also been dropped.

I guess the nail in the coffin was today. family day out with the ex and child.

bleurgh.

Who instigated the split. The only time I've seen this is when the son/your DH behaved like a prick and the family chose to rally round the mother of the grandchild

She sounds like a nobhead. Least she’s shown her true colours so you can move on. Just don’t forget this when she’s elderly and needing help….you’re simply too busy 🤷🏽‍♀️ perhaps ask the ex!

@drowninginsick it was a mutual breakup from what they've both told me.

@Imperrysmum I like this reply. Because in my head I just keep thinking am I wrong to just not acknowledge they exist?

She doesn't feel like a MIL, her son is living with someone who has 3 children that are not biologically related to her. I'm not being pedantic but she has more in common with the ex as she has a child who is related to her. Hopefully this will change over time but I wouldn't hold your breath 😒

Did something happen that she cut contact with you? It’s very odd that one minute she was calling and the next she stopped. Have you asked her?

I still see my DS’s ex and our grandchild, we still do days out with her too and I don’t think that’s unusual. Just because they split up I don’t see any reason not to see her. DS’s new partner doesn’t like it but that’s tough. The new partner has been invited on days out (not with the ex) but declines.

She used to. She'd come and see me and the kids after work sometimes, just for a chat or whatever. The kids adored her.

That's almost fair enough I guess, if she constantly declines. An effort is made on the family's part.

Also, I found out the other day that the ex and child have been invited to MIL for Christmas.

@LoobyLous and no, literally nothing happened. Sorry forgot to reply to that bit.

I also don't have an issue with the ex. I've actually just messaged her about it because I just find it so disrespectful on the family's part. I'm just absolutely baffled.

It sounds very hurtful if she’s been messaging one minute and radio silence the next with no reason. I know there’s differing opinions on these boards about step grandchildren but I certainly couldn’t/wouldn’t ignore step grandchildren.

@LoobyLous yea it does hurt :(

It sounds hurtful. I can see why she would spend time with the ex as she is seeing her grandchild. I can see why she would be more emotionally invested in her grandchild rather than your children.

But there's emotionally invested and then there's not existing.

Sorry, misread the bit about how she's changed recently. What does your partner think? Is it worth pursuing or will you be wasting your time? I'd like to think he has your corner on this one......

@Lifestooshort71 he's addressed it multiple times and he says she just makes excuses.

But.... she's got the right to live her life as she pleases!
As long as she doesn't expect anything from you, then it's alright.

@GingerPirate fair comment. I just need to make sure I treat how I/we are treated shrug

Annoyingly though, that's not in my nature. Just feels shit.