How do you go "no contact"?

[Raincloud32]

If you want to go no contact with someone is there a proper way to do it? Do you owe the person a conversation and explanation or do you just ghost and block and ignore?

I just stop having anything to do with them. I blocked someone recently - a person I'd met once and who decided that meant I was available to babysit her son - simply blocked her number on my phone. Very easy. Anyone else I've gone no contact with was decades ago, so social media wasn't around.

There isn’t a proper way to do it I think, but if you’ve decided to go no contact, it’s obviously for a reason. I’d say do what’s best for you, the safest way. You don’t owe anyone an explanation

Depends on the situation, do you need a big show down and a flounce out? Do you need a final say? If not just back away slowly. Withdraw and block and don't contact

Depends entirely on the situation, how long you've known the person, what your relationship to them is, and what they've done wrong.

It's my parents. I've been "no contact" for years. I don't see or speak to them and haven't for years since I grew up and moved out but they still send birthday and christmas cards and letters asking to see me.

I think they probably don't know why or don't think they've done anything wrong so I was wondering if maybe I owed them some sort of explanation about why I don't want them in my life. But I really don't want to have that conversation. I don't want to be hurtful and I don't want to drag up the past and I don't want to explain all the ways they have damaged me. They probably think they were good parents who did the best they could but there was domestic violence and being a child witnessing that violence and being powerless to do anything to help has screwed me up a little bit.

i have gone NC wih a family member, I blocked their phone number, their social media pages and they haven’t made contact other ways, if they sent a letter I’d return to sender, saying I’d moved, even if I hadn’t moved.

I didn’t offer them an explanation, they didn’t deserve it!

It's fine to want no contact with them. You don't owe them an explanation.

If it's your parents, then personally I would have a conversation with them.

Of course it's entirely your decision, but I think it's odd to go no contact with close family members unless there is very, very good reason (I'm thinking along the lines of child sexual abuse or some other horrific crime like murder)

Reading your update, I would say you are already 'no contact'. As they are sending you cards and asking to see you, I imagine they are already 'hurting' - so you have gone beyond that point.

It''s not for us to judge, but when I had children I opened up communication with non contact parent because I couldn't imagine a future with my child not talking to me. It's not something I regret as I was able to install my own boundaries but every situation is different.

You have options, don't open the cards/letters - you must be able to recognise the handwriting/postmark by now. You could ask another family member to ask then to stop. Move!

Have you had any counselling to deal with your feelings about that time of your life. Perhaps that could help you process what you went through.

It sounds like you struggle with raking up the past, having to face them disagreeing with you, denying your personal experiences and fearing you'll have your feelings dismissed.

it's a very personal choice as to how you decide to sever ties. In your case you've chosen to melt away into the background rather than some big dramatic exit.

You do you, if that's your way of coping with your situation there's no rule book out there to tell you that you can't do that. You need to live with the decision you made back then. The risk is, if you try to explain and you're dismissed or given a hard time, it will open up old wounds. So reconcile it as your decision, own your action and move forward. You don't owe anyone an explanation.

I don't speak to one parent, haven't in over nine years, I've pointed out that I won't be responsible for them in old age or death. I openly tell their friends when they enquire after that person, they are dead ( they no longer live in the area) .

I went nc with my sister just blocked her on everything and have never spoken to her since it’s been 4 years. Unfortunately she hasn’t accepted it though so be prepared for that.

You don't owe them an explanation, you are nc .

Just bin stuff unopened... I have be seen df since 1999 and dm since 2012.. No big chat just ignored them.

How do they know where to send cards and letters?

they keep doing it because they have hope that they can change your mind. If that doesn’t bother you (to receive them forever) then carry on. If it does respond once, with a letter, telling them you don’t want contact with them, you don’t want cards or letters and that you will consider anything else they send to be harassment.

Or just send it all back to them unopened.

Return to sender, not known at this address.

Sorry to see what you experienced as a child, it must have been awful and really frightening.

You could write a letter, however short or long, however concise or detailed you feel like, that sets out how they let you down as a child and why you haven’t/don’t want to be around them. You could choose to send the letter so that they know, or not send it so the process of getting it out of your head and onto paper was just for you.

It might also be worth doing some counselling sessions if you haven’t already?, to talk through your past and your NC situation if it seems like that could be helpful?