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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My 8 year old is so sad and I don’t know why

20 replies

AmberHiker · 20/09/2024 22:59

My child is 8 and just started year 4. I noticed he has been looking more and more sad since he went back to school. He has autism but manages mainstream 75% well. Even his after school teachers asked him why he looks sad all the time today. They didn’t mention it to me but I’m worried for him.

nothing has happened at home and obviously going back to the school environment after the holidays is a big adjustment but he hardly ever smiles anymore . Often I pick him up and he’s slumped in the seat next to me. He doesn’t seem to chat as much as he did and doesn’t have that same ‘ buzz ‘ when telling me something . I miss his smile .

it’s not a bullying thing he would say he’s very vocal about things normally . I just don’t know what to do . Is it normal for a child to go through stages of being sad even without an obvious issue ? Maybe it’s coping of mainstream that’s getting on top of him but again he would tell me . He articulates his needs and what he needs help with a lot . From a worried mum x

OP posts:
comedycentral · 20/09/2024 23:01

Do you think it might be related to his autism? Perhaps he's feeling a little burnt out? Social relationships get trickier as we get older, school is tougher.

Coatsoff42 · 20/09/2024 23:05

In our school in ks2 they drop the afternoon playtime which hits hard.
also you do get some more ‘boring’ teachers in ks2 who are very work focussed, less cuddly, more sit still learning etc.
could it be that?

perhaps they had such a lovely summer with you and it’s a bit of a compliment to you?

AgainandagainandagainSS · 20/09/2024 23:09

Does he have friends OP? Could he be lonely?

what out of school activities does he do? Is there something he enjoys and looks forward to doing if school isn’t a happy place for him atm?

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 20/09/2024 23:12

I think ASD in a no stream school gets harder and harder to cope with each passing year. Mine refused to go in the end and she didn’t seem particularly severe

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 20/09/2024 23:13

He's probably just exhausted

Original poster
AmberHiker · 20/09/2024 23:16

He attends after school club 3 times a week but I’m feeling it might be best to stop it and shorten the school day. He does music and weekends is spent mainly with us doing something or a play date . I’m hoping it’s just the adjustment of going back to school and adapting to the new year. I know my child and I know he’s not himself . When he told me staff asked him why he looks sad all the time j guess it just confirmed it for me that he isn’t himself .

OP posts:
Frozensun · 20/09/2024 23:22

Yea, it could be that he is becoming more aware. I have an 8yo who has said for the first time that they’re sad they don’t have friends. ASD people tend to have reasonably rigid expectations that make perfect sense to them but other children find onerous. It’s so hard. They’re in a world that makes little sense to them. I suppose it’s like me moving to live in an Asian country - I don’t understand the nuances of the language (even if I speak it), I don’t understand the social context, and I’m trying to understand why people act as they do. The effort that takes is immense. I thought it might get a bit easier for mine as they age. I think the reverse might be true - and that breaks my heart for them.

BlueMoanday · 20/09/2024 23:34

@AmberHiker has he started any new medication lately? Could it be a side effect?
Montelukast/singular the asthma drug causes anxiety and depression in children
Poor lad. It must be awful to see him this way.

Aria999 · 20/09/2024 23:53

I believe children can get depression though it looks different from the adult variety.

Treesnbirds · 20/09/2024 23:56

Could you play a game with him where you ask each other questions eg fav Ice cream/ animal/ where you'd like to go on holiday etc but ask 'what do you think about a lot?' Or 'what makes you feel happy/sad?' Or questions along those lines to try to get a little more information about what might be going on for him?

Really feel for him and you 😢 Hope things improve soon.

KurtShirty · 21/09/2024 00:08

CAMHS do some good work with little ones and low mood, you may find something on their website. I’d take it seriously if I was you given his tender age especially, it’s a sign something isn’t ok with him.

Anisty · 21/09/2024 00:30

He might have shut down due to autism. It's common for asd children to shutdown as well as meltdown. See if, after a no demand weekend, he perks up. I'd just give him his favourite chocolate bar and let him do whatever he wants in his own time and space. He might choose to watch a movie maybe.

If he perks up after a day or two at home chilling, it's school stress.

HelloMyNameIsElderSmurf · 21/09/2024 00:32

8 was the age that my autistic son went from 'what is this concept of friendship that everyone bangs on about. I am puzzled and will return to lining up my cars' to 'I want friends, why can't I have them?'

It's quite a tough age, everyone else takes a bit of a social surge and suddenly the wee one who's a little quirky but generally fine seems to get left behind.

justasking111 · 21/09/2024 00:33

My grandson is like this. This terms new class he has lost some friends and it's hit him hard. His brother was away this weekend and he was bereft. Took to his bed.

timeforanewmoniker · 21/09/2024 00:43

Is he also sad at the weekend?

Is he more sad Sunday evenings?

Or is he just sad all the time?

Might narrow it down a bit.

turquoiseaquaeaudenil · 21/09/2024 01:30

His weekly schedule sounds exhausting, apart from anything else that might be going on. That's an activity level for an energetic extrovert.

Original poster
AmberHiker · 21/09/2024 22:07

Thanks everyone . I’m going to try the very helpful suggestion of the game someone suggested to see if he opens up. His weekly routine is not full on at all his music lessons are part of his school day and he stays at club for an extra hour 3 times a week. He is liked and has friends albeit a few including play dates on the weekend but I suspect it’s more a burn out kind of situation. He has been more clingy to me lately asking me a lot if I love him and asking to be tucked into bed which isn’t usual.

OP posts:
turquoiseaquaeaudenil · 22/09/2024 00:31

His weekly routine is not full on at all

and yet

I suspect it’s more a burn out kind of situation

You don't have one without the other.

mm81736 · 22/09/2024 00:35

Why does he doi afterschool club if you don't need it?

Anisty · 22/09/2024 00:37

AmberHiker · 21/09/2024 22:07

Thanks everyone . I’m going to try the very helpful suggestion of the game someone suggested to see if he opens up. His weekly routine is not full on at all his music lessons are part of his school day and he stays at club for an extra hour 3 times a week. He is liked and has friends albeit a few including play dates on the weekend but I suspect it’s more a burn out kind of situation. He has been more clingy to me lately asking me a lot if I love him and asking to be tucked into bed which isn’t usual.

Go carefully with that game! ASD children real cannot deal with questions - it causes pressure. Personally, i would save a game like that for when your DS is in a very happy mood. Not to play when stressed.

Obvs i don't know your DS and my instinct might be way off but i think your cuddling up idea is much better - it's great he's coming to you for that.

You want to take pressure off. Questions require verbal processing, thinking and responding - they can feel overwhelming to asd kids.

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