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Original poster

Empty Nest

19 replies

Samesame47 · 20/09/2024 22:35

i am going to start by saying if you have real problems in life then ignore this post, it’s self indulgent and pathetic I am well aware of that.

This evening I have had my first real dose of empty nest, I have late teens, one is working this evening, the other at a party/sleepover. Husband is away for the first time on a weekend without me in nearly 20 years - which is no problem but it has made me realise that this is the first Friday I have spent alone in as long as I can remember (possibly ever), I’ve had a long bath, a takeaway, a bottle of bubbly but I am so bored! 10
years ago I would of seen a night like this as absolute bliss, no responsibility, no one to get to bed etc. but actually all I am doing is worrying about the child that is due to be dropped home after their shift and the one that’s at the party hoping they don’t go silly and drink too much (party is supervised by very good friends of mine so I know I actually don’t need to worry) but more than that I am just missing them, the kitchen is as I left it at 5pm, there are no crumbs to clean, nothing left out on the countertops, I haven’t heard the words “why is there never anything to eat in this house”, “did you wash my top”, “can so and so sleep tomorrow” “I need a lift to …” I’ve not heard about the latest friend group Snapchat beef or the annoying girl at college that keeps getting kicked out of class! When my husband is home we relish these rare child free nights but tonight has been a bit of a ghost of yet to come. For those of you who have read this far that have lovely little people tucked up in bed, go hug them tight. I know I am guilty of wishing their lives away (it will be easier when they can walk, it will be easier when they are at school, it will be easier when I don’t have to do school runs), the reality is it’s never easier, it’s just different. Raising a young one is physically exhausting, letting an older one go is just as hard. Go hug your babies, before you know it they no longer need you! Eldest has just been dropped home, the restaurant closed early tonight and they have been tidying/grooving for the last hour with a couple of drinks, as much as I miss having my baby it’s also amazing to see this independent happy little adult that I have raised - she came home, raided the fridge, made a cup of tea, the kitchen is once again a mess and my world is temporarily made right, she’s headed off to bed exhausted, shoes thrown on the floor, various items of clothing in her wake. I am going to resolve to never get annoyed again at the mess she makes because I really am on borrowed time!

OP posts:
Bannedontherun · 20/09/2024 22:52

Your nest is not yet empty. But you are seeing your fledglings come and go. Prepare yourself love. The day will come when they are gone for good. So build your own life now not later, I promise you, because i know.

Original poster
Samesame47 · 20/09/2024 22:57

Bannedontherun · 20/09/2024 22:52

Your nest is not yet empty. But you are seeing your fledglings come and go. Prepare yourself love. The day will come when they are gone for good. So build your own life now not later, I promise you, because i know.

I very much hope that you are enjoying your new life. To be honest I never thought I would be hit with empty nest so it has surprised me, all of a sudden I wish they were little again, yet when they were little I wished they were bigger 😬 thanks for your kind comment x

OP posts:
Bannedontherun · 20/09/2024 23:12

It floored me when my first child left and i actually had to grieve, not so much the the second per se but then the house was so quiet and well, just lonely.

But one adjusts. There is a gap to fill go out have a second teenage hood.

They will fly back in every now and then.

What comes next is grandchildren and all of what that is. Another joy and bind.

fallenbranches · 20/09/2024 23:37

Aw your post made me weepy. I have often thought about this. My DS twins are 10 and when I get annoyed I remind myself that that empty nest feeling will happen and to just enjoy each moment. I know it's no comfort when you feel this way but just be thankful you have brought them up well, they are healthy and are living a good life which is down to you. x

stonebrambleboy · 20/09/2024 23:46

Aw, poor you. Your post brought back memories from years ago when our youngest went off to university. I had a weeks sick leave, I couldn't function. My mum was very close to him and I used to go round to hers and we'd sit drinking tea and crying! Absolutely nuts. He's married with three children now and life is hectic again for all of us.

acquiescence · 20/09/2024 23:50

Thank you for your post. I have a 9 year old and toddlers, I am at the exhausting stage you talk about 10 years ago. I will try spend some moments reflecting on the chaos while it lasts, I know I will have the same feelings as you in the years to come.

ThePlatypusAlwaysTriumphs · 20/09/2024 23:57

So I have two dds at uni (away from hone) and ds (16). At home I miss my girls but so proud of what they've achieved. This is what I want for them. They are living their lives !it's brilliant!

FlyingPandas · 21/09/2024 00:20

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

BibbityBobbityToo · 21/09/2024 00:32

It is a strange feeling, I'm home alone quite often now and fill my time with catching up on housework so when DH is home we can make the most if it. (DH does more than his fair share of chores too). My empty nest has been filled with crafting hobbies I never had the time to do years ago but it did take a while for everything to fall into place.

You will find your way with it but it does take time to work out how you fit into this new chapter.

MermaidMummy06 · 21/09/2024 00:38

Mine are 8 & 11 (12 next month!). I have been guilty of wishing their lives away, partially because everyone boasted that their DC were older and they're free, hate to be where you are, etc... so I thought young DC must be horrible!

Now DS is breaking away a bit, wanting independence, and DD is starting to as well. I'm thinking I want my little children back!

I'm in two places here, though. DS has ASD & some limitations & DD has anxiety, so every step both make towards independence & getting out of their comfort zone shows promise that they can have an independent life, family, career etc. I think DS is a true explorer so I fear he'll end up on the other side of the world!!

Baroluleni · 21/09/2024 00:48

I am getting there with these feelings.
i have 4 children, two now at uni, one 17 and another 15.
i already don’t need to drive the younger to school:6th form as third child drives now.
I feel redundant as a mum.
However, I am super proud of them all and what they are achieving and know it’s because of us as their parents giving support and love.
we are now planning our move abroad and to enjoy some travelling in our late 40s into 50s.

TofuTart · 21/09/2024 02:53

Samesame47 · 20/09/2024 22:35

i am going to start by saying if you have real problems in life then ignore this post, it’s self indulgent and pathetic I am well aware of that.

This evening I have had my first real dose of empty nest, I have late teens, one is working this evening, the other at a party/sleepover. Husband is away for the first time on a weekend without me in nearly 20 years - which is no problem but it has made me realise that this is the first Friday I have spent alone in as long as I can remember (possibly ever), I’ve had a long bath, a takeaway, a bottle of bubbly but I am so bored! 10
years ago I would of seen a night like this as absolute bliss, no responsibility, no one to get to bed etc. but actually all I am doing is worrying about the child that is due to be dropped home after their shift and the one that’s at the party hoping they don’t go silly and drink too much (party is supervised by very good friends of mine so I know I actually don’t need to worry) but more than that I am just missing them, the kitchen is as I left it at 5pm, there are no crumbs to clean, nothing left out on the countertops, I haven’t heard the words “why is there never anything to eat in this house”, “did you wash my top”, “can so and so sleep tomorrow” “I need a lift to …” I’ve not heard about the latest friend group Snapchat beef or the annoying girl at college that keeps getting kicked out of class! When my husband is home we relish these rare child free nights but tonight has been a bit of a ghost of yet to come. For those of you who have read this far that have lovely little people tucked up in bed, go hug them tight. I know I am guilty of wishing their lives away (it will be easier when they can walk, it will be easier when they are at school, it will be easier when I don’t have to do school runs), the reality is it’s never easier, it’s just different. Raising a young one is physically exhausting, letting an older one go is just as hard. Go hug your babies, before you know it they no longer need you! Eldest has just been dropped home, the restaurant closed early tonight and they have been tidying/grooving for the last hour with a couple of drinks, as much as I miss having my baby it’s also amazing to see this independent happy little adult that I have raised - she came home, raided the fridge, made a cup of tea, the kitchen is once again a mess and my world is temporarily made right, she’s headed off to bed exhausted, shoes thrown on the floor, various items of clothing in her wake. I am going to resolve to never get annoyed again at the mess she makes because I really am on borrowed time!

Funny to read this now, as I've literally been at work today thinking the same.
How my eldest has recently moved out in the last couple of years, and the youngest as a late teen stayed out last night for the first time with a "friend.".
When they were young, I dreamt of time alone.
I still love it now they don't need me as much, but it does still hit you even if you don't think it will.
If you're still in the young child age, make sure you keep a sense of you and your likes otherwise it will hit harder when they grow.
I'm enjoying having my own money again (being able to work as no childcare) which also means can go out places!

cuckooooooo · 21/09/2024 04:15

Start to build a life outside of your children now they're getting some independence or you'll really struggle in a couple of years when they move out.

Original poster
Samesame47 · 21/09/2024 08:29

This reply has been deleted

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

I so sorry to hear of your son’s
challenges in life, I can’t even truly image how hard that must be for you as a mum. How amazing it is of him to stick it out and return to Uni though, he is showing so much resilience and determination, I hope this year he finds a good friend and things get better for you all xx

OP posts:
Original poster
Samesame47 · 21/09/2024 08:37

MermaidMummy06 · 21/09/2024 00:38

Mine are 8 & 11 (12 next month!). I have been guilty of wishing their lives away, partially because everyone boasted that their DC were older and they're free, hate to be where you are, etc... so I thought young DC must be horrible!

Now DS is breaking away a bit, wanting independence, and DD is starting to as well. I'm thinking I want my little children back!

I'm in two places here, though. DS has ASD & some limitations & DD has anxiety, so every step both make towards independence & getting out of their comfort zone shows promise that they can have an independent life, family, career etc. I think DS is a true explorer so I fear he'll end up on the other side of the world!!

At the same age as yours
my eldest was riddled with anxiety, to the point we had to seek health, she hit puberty and it was like a switch flicked, I often have to do a double take when I see her with her friends now, for years she hardly had any, now she’s a social butterfly.

my youngest has the travelling bug, she has been talking about the gap year she wants to have for a few years and is saving herself to do it, I think with her the gap year could easily become 2 or 3 years as she is planning on also working while away.

OP posts:
FlyingPandas · 21/09/2024 21:57

Samesame47 · 21/09/2024 08:29

I so sorry to hear of your son’s
challenges in life, I can’t even truly image how hard that must be for you as a mum. How amazing it is of him to stick it out and return to Uni though, he is showing so much resilience and determination, I hope this year he finds a good friend and things get better for you all xx

Show quote history

Thank you, @Samesame47 . I have deleted my original post as I felt, with hindsight, that it had too much identifiable information in it. But I really appreciate your post. Wishing you and your DC all the best.

Evilartsgrad · 21/09/2024 22:42

Bannedontherun · 20/09/2024 23:12

It floored me when my first child left and i actually had to grieve, not so much the the second per se but then the house was so quiet and well, just lonely.

But one adjusts. There is a gap to fill go out have a second teenage hood.

They will fly back in every now and then.

What comes next is grandchildren and all of what that is. Another joy and bind.

Why do grandchildren necessarily come next? Some of us have determinedly child free adult children. And are fine with that.

Bannedontherun · 21/09/2024 23:19

@Evilartsgrad yes you sound totally fine with that situation, I mean why else would you post such a meaningless aside.

Evilartsgrad · 22/09/2024 08:29

Bannedontherun · 21/09/2024 23:19

@Evilartsgrad yes you sound totally fine with that situation, I mean why else would you post such a meaningless aside.

It's not meaningless it's simple fact. Nothing automatically comes next in human situations.

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