Good silly swears

[Arlanymor]

I’ve had a frustrating week and it kind of reached the apex with someone today who must have been wearing oven mitts to drive because they not only got in the wrong lane at a roundabout, they decided that rather than go all the way around they would just flip their indicator on and come off when they damn well pleased and everyone else could just move out of the way to accommodate them. I had to brake hard to avoid a collision. We then ended up side by side at a set of traffic lights and he shouted something across about ‘making room for him’… erm, no, nothing in the Highway Code to say that we all kowtow to your bad driving and as it happens I DID make room for you to avoid an accident!

I’m not a confrontational person at all, but I was so wound up that I as pulled away I responded: “Oh shut up you stupid duodenum!”

God knows where that came from! Probably haven’t used that word since GCSE biology! But on reflection I like it as a silly swear! What are your silly swears? (I come from a non-sweary family for context - I once heard my mum call someone a ‘lemon’ and that’s about as harsh as it gets!)

Example:

You ABSOLUTE salad!

Edit last word as appropriate to one of the following:

1. Jam jar.
2. Fish slice.
3. Turnip shepherd.
4. Beef twister.
5. Spud masher.
6. You get the picture.

Custard. It sounds innocent, but is in fact a pleasing portmanteau of ‘cunt’ and ‘bastard’.

I need some silly swears. I anticipate I am going to love this thread...

After someone had nearly run me over when on my bike as a teen I shouted 'you dirty pig!!' Not very creative - but it just came out

"Tulip"

Is one of my favourites , especially when driving
I do this now after my granddaughter told her parents I told a man off for driving like a "twat" 🤐

Oh chicken nuggets is one of my favourites when things go wrong around children.

I disapprove on principle of the idea of a “silly swear”. Swearing is supposed to be rude and family unfriendly. I find swear substitutes twee and cringe.

But “custard” actually is quite good. I might have that. 😀

I'm rather partial to "stupid trouserface".

I have used dribbling cock biscuit before, again, I've no idea where it came from.

A little boy at the school I work in says "oh biscuits!" when he's frustrated.

I live in the Netherlands and some of their swearing is quite creative. A footballer got in trouble once for calling the referee a blind typhoid dog.

My children invented “pillow head baby” as an insult. It is now part of the family vernacular 😀

It's only 7.15 in the morning and 'custard' has made my day 😀

That'll be from the tv show Bluey. Highly recommend watching whatever age you are, we all love it in our house!

My mum doesn’t like to swear, so when something really annoys her she says “spitting pigeons!” 😂

My go to swear is also anatomical .... uriniferous tubules!!

My 5 year old says oh biscuits, bluey style. I quite like a good OH FUDGE 😂 when children are present.

I am Australian and sometimes we saw no wucking furries instead of no fucking worries: I am quite a swearer, so have no substitutes. I love custard though!

I could have done with some of these words yesterday. Must have been a day for bad drivers. I had some one pull out on me and then they had to swerve as they had no idea I was there. At a roundabout we were side by side I mimed get your eyes tested. I still don't think he had any idea.
I can become potty mouth in car. When kids were young we said fox sake.

In Scotland we say ‘you absolute rocket’ it can be an insult, or a term of endearment, akin to how we use the word cunt too.

Twunt

Also, if someone is driving like a twunt, ask them if they got their driving license out of a Christmas cracker

My DM used to say ‘Rissoles!’ as a satisfactory expletive substitute for arseholes, though her meaning was more like, ‘Oh, fuck!’

I like " cockwomble "
Family vocab has "don't be a donut"

I've found Nimrod quite useful on occasion