Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Shit using friend? … or am AIBU?

14 replies

OneQuirkyCat · 20/09/2024 20:42

Hiya, would appreciate thoughts please…I feel like I kind of know the answer, but also I can be a bit shy, so 🤷🏻‍♀️

Been mates with this other school mum for about 4 years. She’s a good laugh but kind of self-centred, and richer than most so can be thoughtless…

Anyway, she keeps asking for childcare. I’m NOT a childminder, I work FT, have 2 kids, one SEN, and also am voluntarily on the PTA and a Scout Leader, I have very little free time.

The asks have been ramping up but lately it got to piss-taking levels. That’s when my daughter was poorly at home, but my husband had to take their kid to football anyway, as friend’s DH was late out of work. (friend was at home but couldn’t be arsed taking her kid. I am pissed with DH for agreeing).

She text to say thanks, to which I made it clear that I wasn’t ok with our family changing plans/ missing prior commitments when the kid had a parent at home able to help. From my pov if their kids couldn’t go to a club that’s their family’s problem, not mine. Certainly if I was late out of work and my DH couldn’t be fafffed taking our kid to a club, the kid would miss the club / we certainly wouldn’t pass our shit on to another family!

Didnt hear anything from ‘friend’ for another month. Then a text to ask for 11 hours babysitting on a Sunday, pickup beyond any of our bedtimes. Explained it was the business most stressful month of my life EVER and declined.

Since then she’s blanked me for 4 months straight. I keep wanting to believe she’s better than that, send an olive branch etc… but another part of me really has no desire to pursue a friendship with a user.

I kind of know the answer but need slaps in the face from strangers to remind me not to be soft. Thank you!!!

TL: DR - do I need a using dickead as a mate?!

OP posts:
llamali · 20/09/2024 20:43

If you genuinely like her as a mate but she's got a bit carried away and lost sight of what is a reasonable request and how to handle rejection then why not go for a coffee with her?

Birdseyetrifle · 20/09/2024 20:44

I’d be glass she was ignoring me, cheeky, lazy cow!

Birdseyetrifle · 20/09/2024 20:45

Glad not glass

Cm19841 · 20/09/2024 20:46

Sounds really extreme.

Are you confident that there's no other issues for this family?

OneQuirkyCat · 20/09/2024 20:47

Thank you, fair point.. because she’s blanking me! She’s ok but I do have genuine friends so kind of CBA. Don’t want to make it awkward for the kids though.

OP posts:
FasterMichelin · 20/09/2024 20:47

Personally I'd leave it and move on. 4 months is a long time and it certainly sounds like she's using you.

Blahblahblah245 · 20/09/2024 20:48

She’s a definitely a user, move on with your head held high!

OneQuirkyCat · 20/09/2024 20:49

No.. but we all have issues. I genuinely do hope all is ok with her family, but also don’t see it as our shit. FWIW we are dealing with cancer and a dying parent, so I don’t feel obliged. We’re not that close I guess, but the kids like each other 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
IMustDoMoreExercise · 20/09/2024 20:52

I really don't understand how you can even think of contacting her. She's just a user and doesn't care about you only how you can help her.

GalaticalFarce · 20/09/2024 21:06

If you contact her and she 's happy to hear from you, it won't be long before she's asking you for a favour.
I wouldn't bother.

GreatScroller · 21/09/2024 07:19

If you have genuine friends, at this point in your life you don’t need the extra stress of somewhere where you have to question if they are a friend or just using you. The fact that she is being so transparent with how she is behaving should be testament enough. Honestly, I wouldn’t even look her way, she sounds awful!

ZekeZeke · 21/09/2024 08:01

She isn't a friend, she is an acquaintance.
You say you are not that close.
Ignore her, be breezy and friendly at the school gate/activities and don't give her any heads pace.
I hope your situation improves re health worries in your family.

Caroparo52 · 21/09/2024 14:35

Silence is golden. You refused to obey her requests. You are sacked from friendship duties. Enjoy

OneQuirkyCat · 27/09/2024 18:40

Thanks everyone, really appreciate it - I can be far too soft!

I foolishly messaged her (after a few wines) saying I was sad that she’d cut me off since I declined the childcare ask, asking if we could try to clear the air, and she didn’t reply to me - but has contacted my husband, mutual friends etc to have a pop at me indirectly…

Lesson learned! (Stupid me, stupid wine)

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread