School punishment

[MrsAnneBlythe]

I really could do with hearing opinions on an incident yesterday. My twelve year old son was queuing up for a lesson in the morning and the two boys either side of him were playing what sounds like a very boisterous version of rock, paper, scissors. A teacher came out of the room and shouted at them, then gave these two boys and my son a lunchtime detention and a behaviour incident on his record.

My son is devastated by this - he is extremely studious and well behaved and has never been told off before. He cried last night at the injustice of it. I completely believe his version of events - I know when he is telling the truth. He also had to go without lunch due to the detention.

My question is, should I contact the school? Part of me says don't be THAT parent, and he has to learn that life is unfair sometimes. The other part of me is angry that the teacher made assumptions and that he had to go without lunch.

He's my first child at secondary so any advice given would be greatly appreciated.

Morning - sounds like the teacher ought to have spoken to the boys before a sanction and negative points in their records. However, so much happens so quickly in the course of a school day, I can understand why she didn't.
I think you should email the teacher and explain what you've written on here. You wouldn't excuse poor behaviour, but in this instance your son was caught up in it, innocently, and could you have the points removed.

Do you mean he didn't get to eat? That 's totally unacceptable and you should definitely contact the school.

As for the detention, that's done, so I would usually go with the 'suck it up, sometimes life isn't fair' route, but I can see how the behaviour point would upset him for the rest of the year. Perhaps you could request it to be removed, but not the 'all guns blazing, my child has been wronged' approach, rather 'my child is really upset and I would really appreciate it if....' approach.

It's strange that he had to go without lunch, usually that provision is always protected. Was he kept in the whole of lunchtime?

Is he y8? Head of Year would know his good character, probably worth a brief email I'd say, yes.

A detention and no lunch because they played rock, paper, scissors outside a classroom??! Either that teacher was having a very bad day or there is more to this story.

I’d be pretty angry if my kids had to go without lunch and I’d definitely be questioning that.

The OP says it was a boisterous version of rps, and obviously in the corridor. That's fine to sanction them, it's the wrong inclusion of her son which is the problem.

Absolutely email them! Sounds like the teacher didn’t even get a version of events and blasted out a detention for something I question even warrants one? Clearly lack of control on their part and not fair your son got caught up in that.

Thank you so much for your replies. I totally understand what behaviour can be like in secondary schools and don't want to come across as believing my child can do no wrong, but his reaction makes me want to contact them. I'm also angry that he wasn't able to eat anything. He was released five minutes before the afternoon lesson started, but his lesson was across the school so he had go straight there to make sure he was on time.

Thanks for your thoughts - I do appreciate you taking the time to post.

Yes @JanglyBeads , he is Year 8.

You seem like a very reasonable parent! Do make the point about him going without lunch, that's never acceptable and never policy.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a polite email just explaining what your son told you. It’s crap for kids who have to put up with poor behaviour in their space when they are just trying to learn.

Thank you. Do you think email rather than phone call?

Hi OP, I work in a secondary you sound like a supportive parent rather than another sort.
I sympathise I am raging against injustice in my school at the moment although of a different kind.
Everyone in secondary school is sometimes caught up in things like this. I was once reprimanded for not being on duty at break when a fight broke out. I was actually in the centre of the fight physically stopping the punches.
As an experiment I once asked a year 11 class I had for a cover lesson who had been sent to the place you are sent to if you can't behave in lessons. Everyone in the class raised their hand. Including the lovely head boy. We all then discussed how in life sometimes we get blamed for things we havnt done.
The class were my favourite group even though I only saw them on cover lessons. They were polite and quite charming yet since year 7 100% of them had been sent out.
Also your son should have lunch although I have heard of schools who won't allow pudding in detention.

@Notgoodatpoetrybutgreatatlit that sounds really tough. Behaviour was criticised in the school's recent Ofsted so they are understandably clamping down on poor behaviour. I'd be the first to support a sanction if my son misbehaved.

I'll email the teacher this morning and politely ask if the behaviour incident can be removed from his record. That's what he is most worried about. I'll also query why he wasn't allowed to eat lunch at some point.

Thanks so much for your input - it's hard to know sometimes when it's appropriate to contact the school.

No problem. Secondary schools are very hard to contact. For me email is wonderful. I like communicating with parents. But some teachers and admin staff are not as fast as you would like.
And be prepared for them to say it can't be removed now.
And lastly reassure your son that it's not that bad. Tell him my story about my lovely class.

One behaviour incident isn't likely to affect anything for your son, I wouldn't bother mentioning it to the teacher. I understand he is upset but unless he will be missing out on some kind of award or attainment then it's really not a big deal. I would mention the lunch though because no child should go without food