To ask when it’s going to be my turn to have a happy relationship?

[Cardiganoutsidein]

Couple of recent events making me think this-

been in a relationship for 5 months which had so much promise but now seems to be running out of steam. I’m starting to see the things which annoy and irritate me. Once again, feel like I’ve built it up but looks like it back to the drawing board. Feel like this guy is quite happy with status quo of weekly dates. Have been divorced 5 years and this seems to be the pattern.

Meanwhile, a friend from work split up from her DH in January. She has met and fallen in love with a great guy.
all very settled and they’re planning a future together.

I see this happen all the time- people go through breakups, and within a few months have met a great partner and are making plans. Some even having more kids.

even my ex husband- who is no catch- is in a long term relationship and seems happy.

i just can’t get anything off the ground. All seems to plateaus at dates.

I’m not sure what I’m doing wrong? Can anyone tell me?

I’d say I’m an attractive woman. Chatty, sociable, career, friends, good social life. I’d say I was easy going and good company. no major red flags.

I just can’t seem to make a connection!

I know it’s what everyone says but really is meeting the right person and having the connection. But saying that you also have to give it full chance, are you seeing these things so soon because your expecting it to fail?

Maybe - I sometimes wonder if I’m not giving things a chance, or whether I’m just picking the wrong ones!

You need to look at your pattern and change it. Counselling can help.

I think there's a lot of luck involved, but the more you go out and do stuff, the more likely you are to meet someone. Stay busy and sociable

Just because people are in relationships and seem happy, it doesn’t necessarily mean they are, sometimes finding relationships very quickly after the last one ended can spell trouble, so try not to judge your relationships by those around you.

Do you have unrealistic expectations? Or feel unworthy of love so you are unconsciously self sabotaging? Maybe if you’ve been used to chaos or abuse in the past, it feels familiar, where as having a stable, great seeming guy seems boring!

Relationships and attraction are so complex. Just because we want to be happy, we’re not necessarily attracted to those who would give us happiness, depending on our attachment styles.

On the other hand, maybe you’re just unlucky or wanting it so much that you’re looking too hard and missing the right ones!

I think both plays a part. Your wanting to meet the right person but putting pressure on yourself as well but sometimes it simply could be it is the wrong person. I think as long as you walk away knowing you gave it a full chance then you have done what you can but also understand if there’s anything you can change to allow yourself to be happy and have a full long term relationship.