I think since covid iv become a bit more insular. I used to be a complete people pleaser and spend my time happily running after the whole family when they stayed. Now i value my time more. I also got a shock when the first covid lockdown was announced as we had family with us then for what was meant to be a week. I cant remember exactly how long the stayed but iv just looked it up and the first lockdown began late march and they were still with us at mid may. In the end we had to ask them to leave and its now fine but at the time they basically fell out with us!!! It was never about expecting rent from them but i think they paid for one weekly shop the whole time they were there. We should have asked for more but we had no idea how long everything was going to last but it left a bad taste as they were all gluten free so we were buying a lot more additional products than usual to cater for this. We did almost all of the cooking. We really may as well have been running a free hotel.
No one in the family ever commented that it had been good of us nor seemed to recognise in any way the help we had tried to give. It was just all commented that while it was right the family members went home they were understandably scared about returning to a big city etc!!!!!
Anyway, im not expecting another lockdown its just the fact that no one can ever just come for the day, its always a weekend. And also they never say can we come and visit you NC789, its always can i come up for this piece of work or x is going on in the town we want to go, shall we all go together and we can stay at your house. Dont get me wrong, i love my family and there are no issues, i fully accept they raised me and i lived with them for 18 years. I think its just built up on me over the years and im struggling with it a bit. And its not just my parents, dh parents also live away and both of our siblings, its the whole lot of them. Any time i stay in any of their houses iv asked specifically to visit them, i help out in the house making my own cups of tea and little things like that. I dont expect to be waited on.
I would really like my children to have more of a bond with their wider family but its unfortunately not feasible at the moment due to distance and my children are young. I hope as they get older they can form a bond but the distance will always make that hard. We have very good relationships with friends and neighbours where we live. My children see a lot of people regularly, we are not trying to shield them from the world.
Anyway, iv said the family members can stay. Iv appreciated everyones thoughts and writing my thoughts down has helped.