Am I being unfair or am I being taken for a ride?

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Long story short, my partner was made redundant and we were delighted when he finally found a job. I helped him out massively in terms of finance, and he always says he’s grateful.

Before he got his first pay, he constantly said the first thing he’ll do with his money is buy me my favourite flowers to say thank you.
It’s been 4 weeks now and it’s just excuses. They didn’t have the right ones, he wants them from the market, the shop didn’t have any.

I just feel like a bit of a mug and now just feel like he’d only do it to tick that box, not because he wants to.
He works 7-5 and has a 40 minute commute so I get it’s tiring, but surely if he really wanted to, he would.
I just don’t get why he’d say that’d be the first thing he’d buy, and then it’s not.

I do also feel as if he knows what I like, what cheers me up etc, and I’ve had the week from hell. I’ve got so much going on healthwise and he never brings something small back from the shop or anything to cheer me up.

I realise I sound precious but am I just being taken for a mug??

Someone promising nice things and not following through is a huge red flag imo and it usually reflects them doing it consistently and in larger ways.

And you shouldn't have to ask, it means nothing once you do that.

I think it is actually a big deal.

Sod the flowers, where's the money?

Did you buy him flowers when he gave you money?
Next time you are both off work go visit the flower market.

@ZekeZeke do you not get that it's the broken promise that's the issue..and what that says about his regard for her? FFS, why are some posters always so desperate to turn the tables.

I get that.
But he gave her money too. Everyone seems focussed on her getting the money back.
He is working long hours. I'm suggesting visiting the market together.

I'd be more bothered about getting my money back.

I think you should wait until there is a day when he actually is able to visit the market before you get upset. If he doesn’t go when he actually can (sounds like he hasn’t been able to yet?) , then fair enough - he hasn’t meant anything he’s said and you know you can’t trust his promises

You say what’s the point now but what is the point if you’re giving out about it? The hours he’s working and you’re saying I get he’s tired?! And people are saying to dump him?

I wouldn't want the flowers, I'd want my grand back.

I would just be happy that he was working again and your bills are getting paid.

You say “your favourite flowers” so am gathering you’d be less happy with ones that came from say a supermarket.

If it really is the case he can only get from the market - then yabu - as it’s not like he can take time out of a new job to go there (and even on lunch break might feel a bit shy having a massive bunch of flowers on his desk).

howeber if it’s more that he could go online-but from a supermarket than YaNBU.

OP are the flowers the tip of the iceberg maybe? Are there other things has he promised and has no intention of delivering??
Be wary of promises of engagement, marriage, children, housing without actual movement towards these

An ex of mine used to do this. He always made promises I didn't ask for, but said that I would like them very much. Said promises never materialized. That was the first crack in the relationship. Many more followed till we eventually broke up.

I think it's the flakiness that is so deeply unattractive.

Buy yourself the flowers and ask him to confirm when and how he is repaying you the money loaned.

I agree with this.
i wouldn’t want them anymore. He can stick them where the sun dont shine.

Yes he is taking you for a mug. You will know not to help him out again. This is the kind of thing my ex would have done. He was all take and no give.
40 minutes is not a massive commute. My last job was a 2 hour commute each way and I still managed to get things done.
Tell him you want your money back in fixed installments. It's the only way to put a stop to selfish behaviour like this.

Was it a loan though? And was the money he previously gave the OP a loan too? Maybe he wouldn't have needed the money from her if the OP had previously paid back what he subbed her.

I'd roll my eyes if he mentioned them again and say, 'Give it a rest. It's embarrassing now that you keep pretending you meant to do this. That ship sailed weeks ago'.

But I'd be rethinking moving in with him. He's not reliable with his promises.

I'd rather get paid back than a bunch of useless flowers. In fact, to just suggest that as recompense would get my blood boiling, its taking the piss. You should of set it up as a proper loan with a repayment plan, especially if you don't live together yet.
Yes he's taken advantage and also taken you for granted.

The flowers are a small thing but it shows that he just wanted the credit for SAYING he would get you flowers, he doesn’t actually want to spend the money on you and begrudges you them.

First and foremost, what’s the plan for getting your £1,000 back?

And do you really want to move in with him?

He doesn’t sound financially reliable.

Same. As Miley Cyrus said(/sang) “I can buy myself flowers”. What’s the point of a useless man who repeatedly promises a small nicety but can’t even get round to delivering. Such a waste of space. Why even say it in the first place? And think of how many bunches of flowers you could have bought for yourself if you hadn’t given him £1,000.

Your other point about not getting you anything from the shops seems trivial but perhaps it is a symptom of him just not giving a shit. I hope your lives are not so entwined that you can’t just walk away from him. No doubt, he will always be disappointing.

This is such a non-issue.

He has £1k of her money and promises small things that he doesn’t then do, so not a small issue. It’s a run for the hills scenario.

So he talks the talk but doesn't walk the walk@PopPopPopPopPopPop
It does feel like the moment has passed.
You mention he doesn't do small things for you too. That sounds so sad, as if you are a room mate not a partner.
Are you sure you want to entwine your life with him?

This can't be about flowers...

If he was genuinely attentive and considerate and generous this wouldn't be an issue surely - maybe he really can't get to the market when he's working full time now.