Why can’t I stop looking at my boyfriend’s ex?

[misscheese66]

I really don’t know why. My self esteem is really low and she’s typically very pretty - long flowing blonde hair, nice make up etc.
I have straggly hair that doesn’t grow, and really bad skin.

This ex is really active on social media. She does lots of TikTok’s - think lip syncing, ‘vlogging’ her day etc. She has a new video every day. It does make me cringe a bit because she has about 20 followers and spends a lot of time talking to the camera but still.

My boyfriend says he loves me and he’s not with her anymore, and he also finds chronically online people to be cringe and ‘not him’.

I just can’t help but look and I don’t know why. I’ve tried blocking her etc but always just end up unblocking. I don’t know if I’m curious, jealous… I don’t know…
I just can’t stop

It's insecurity. You need to work on your self esteem. If you were happy and confident in yourself, you wouldn't give a shit about his ex.

Everyone has a past and looks are just looks. She could have been the most boring, self centred selfish person ever.

he isn’t with her for a reason and just because he once felt something for her doesn’t mean he still does.

you need to work on your self esteem so that your mind set is that your boyfriend is lucky to be with you because you’re such a catch.

You need to work on your insecurities. Trust me your are going to end up destroying your relationship as this is how it starts. He choose you that should be enough for you. Block the ex and move on.

I'm sorry you feel this way, it sounds like you're very hard on yourself. You need to block her I think so that you can't look.

as a side note, if you're viewing her stories on insta or facebook she can see that you're watching them.

Thank you, I don’t even know why I’m looking. Just curiosity I guess. Shes VERY different to me in that she seems to surround her life by ‘content’ and TikTok but still

Not sure if you’ve already checked this but is there a chance she can see that you are viewing her videos? That would be very cringe!

How old are you OP? I think there is a way that Shit Tokkers can see who is looking.

The fact he said he finds all that cringe really is to be listened to! He will mean that and no matter how pretty she is, you can't overcome the ' ick' that comes with this embarrassing behaviour.

As for you - you need to think on all the parts of yourself that are fantastic. Because there will be plenty. But - this sort of behaviour is going to turn into another ' ick' that you will create! He's telling you the truth now drop it and stop looking at the air head. You are different by the fact you aren't like this. But when you keep looking at her and if you bring it up to him, you're becoming like her.

Revel in the fact you aren't a walking cringe! It's a huge turn off for many guys, no matter how beautiful

Have you not come across attractive people before? I don’t mean that flippantly but I grew up with social media and with attractive people everywhere around me, it’s not uncommon for people to post themselves on social media in 2024. It’s bizarre to hyper fixate on one person using social media, especially as she doesn’t have much of a following, which means you’re purposely seeking out her feeds.

You seem deeply insecure, you need to realise that no good will come of this. My guess is that you’ll continue to stalk her, and in turn feel second best and like you’re not good enough and it will cause issues - ultimately he will dump you. It’s not a healthy dynamic that you’re bringing into the equation. A lot of people have exes that are attractive, it’s part and parcel of life.

See, here you are rationalising why you think he hopefully likes you better. Same as mentioning above that he finds it ‘cringe’.

None of that matters and will not help your insecurities. He could love TikTok and content creation. She could be the most perfect woman on earth. That’s not the point.

Oh gosh yes that would be cringe 😬

Stop blocking and unblocking! If she's noticed you're doing this, she's going to know you've got a bit of an obsession with her. Just keep her blocked x

I was just coming to say the same thing, TikTok alerts users when someone has viewed their profile so she would know that you're going on to her profile each time 😳

It’s because you are insecure. But also because you like judging her a bit. Probably because it makes you feel a bit better due to your insecurities.

So what if she only has 20 followers or chronically online or cringe? She isn’t anything to do with you. What she does is non of your business. You clearly judge the way she lives a lot. It’s Like you are trying to convince yourself she is ‘less than’, you are enjoying finding her ‘cringe’ because it’s making you feel slightly better. But at the same time it’s making you feel shit because you perceive her as more attractive.

It only impacts you because you seek her out. That’s nothing to do with her. That’s all on you. Sitting judging her, isn’t something that will lift you up. It’s not going to improve anything for you.

She is living her life in a way that she wants. While you are spending time obsessing over her. She is in your boyfriend’s past. Stoping making her part of your present.

It’s insecurity. Takes time and effort but you can overcome this. First of all, stop looking at her SM, no matter how much effort it takes. Sometimes you need to force yourself to do/not to do something before it becomes a habit.

Honestly, she sounds like she has narcissistic traits. People like this are difficult to live with.There’s a strong correlation between some dark triad personality traits and being obsessed with being seen and followed on SM.

Most of my male friends have said that it doesn’t matter how pretty a woman is, because looks stop being so exciting as time goes by and can never make up for a bad personality. So in a relationship personality is more important. Also, a lot of men don’t like the polished and slightly fake looks, it sounds cliche but ‘the girl next door’ wins every time when it comes to what sort of women men find attractive as ‘partner material’ and not just a fling.

Enjoy your relationship and don’t worry too much, your boyfriend is obviously content with how things have panned out. Most mature men would put personality over looks anyway. You obviously have something that appeals to your boyfriend, so embrace it.