One week at a new school and my son is a different boy (ASD)

[Merryoldgoat]

My brilliant son has just started high school - he has ASD (Asperger’s type) and really struggled at primary after about Y3. He was always telling us he was bored, never talked about school and we and school (who were generally very supportive) had to work hard to keep him in and on an even keel mental health wise. He found the loud class and the constant conflict (which was poorly managed) distressing and we had a child who absolutely hated school and saw no value in it.

He sat his SATS and we expected him not to meet expected levels as he produces so little work and hated the lessons but he passed them all so we hoped the right high school might help him flourish.

He’s in an independent specialist (EHCP funded) and I have a different son in less than 2 weeks. He’s been identified as reading well above his age so will have some English classes with Y9, he’s told me that he is starting to understands why maths is interesting now and that he likes the longer maths lessons.

I’ve had positive feedback from his teaching team and I just feel like crying with relief - i realised this morning for the first time in years I’m not worried he’s unhappy at school and that I’m going to get a call.

He is even starting to be open to trying new foods and is making friends.

Just goes to show how quickly change can happen in the right setting with the right people.

I hope this give other parents with children like mine that things can get better.

Very similar to when my dd1 went from a mainstream primary to a special secondary. The change in her was immense. She made so many friends, (she had barely any in primary) and she's still in touch with most of them now at 21.

That's amazing to hear!! I have a year 7 son too, and the last 3 weeks have been amazing. Such a change from the start of a new academic year in primary school. I hope things stay this way, fingers crossed!l fir bith of them!

My ds 16 has been in a indi sen school since year 5 and just passed all of his gcses at least grade 4. There's no state SEN school in county that sits gcses. It's been life changing and he unfortunately is the vast minority case that got his needs met.

I’m so glad for all of you who have had/are having a turnaround for your children.

I’m so glad we pushed for a specialist setting - schools like this should be available for all who need them.

Mine too! He sprang out of the taxi after his first day and was all smiles. He now does PE, and they got him to whittle a stick! He has more energy in the evening.

I'm a bit late to this party, but us too. DD8 started at her new school, a tiny, SEMH Inde (via the EHCP I fought for).

School called, and were so positive about her first few days, how she's worked and settled in, I cried.

One tiny, but very telling difference was that she didn't want/need to take a soft toy with her for comfort.

And could not agree more @Merryoldgoat there should be so many more schools like hers. I feel an almost 'survivors' guilt' that because I have the ability to fight for DD, she's got what she needs (after 4 years of trauma in mainstream ) when so many other families have equal needs.

The same has been true for my DS (also autistic but very academically able). Once he came out of mainstream school into an independent specialist school, and moved on from the trauma associated with school (mostly stemming from the inappropriate use of restraint in mainstream) he just thrived. He has friends, he is absolutely flying academically, the staff think he is amazing, I haven't been called in to pick him up early for over 3 years, he's sat some external exams for the first time and done incredibly well.

Mainstream doesn't work for every child but unfortunately unless you either (a) allow mainstream to fail them in order to prove that they need something different, or (b) have the money to pay for something different without letting them go through the trauma that (a) causes... then there's no alternative on offer. So many children are being failed and traumatised and damaged for life by the lack of suitable school places.

@Merryoldgoat I'm so glad your DS is doing well ❤️

And yes to the survivors guilt. I have so many friends whose DC are still struggling in mainstream or whose DC have no school place at all. Every child should be able to have an education at a school that can understand them and meet their needs.