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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this within the realms of usual in response to a toddler or am I a bloody awful mum?

30 replies

Awfulmumm · 19/09/2024 10:06

Ds is just turned two. I am finding myself really losing patience with him fast. It’s mostly in the morning when I am trying to get him fed and ready as well as myself. DP has left long before ds wakes at 7 and gets back after he’s gone to bed in case anyone asks why he isn’t helping.

This morning for example example ds was trying to stand up in the high chair and crying and pointing to toys he wanted on the table while he ate. I kept going to get some but as I was doing it I was feeling myself getting really stressed about the time. He then wasn’t happy with the toy I had selected. I kept saying ‘ds just sit down, stop this’ on repeat for a little bit. It was awful. He eventually sat down and ate breakfast and things were ok from there.

yesterday he wouldn’t get in the car seat and kept arching his back. I eventually got him in but after a lot of tears from him and me saying ‘for gods sake just sit down’. After I had done it I shut the car door and had to take a couple of minutes as I was in tears myself.

I know this is usual toddler behaviour but I don’t know if my reactions can be quite irritable and I do feel myself get really really frustrated and stressed. I feel awful now as he’s in nursery and I keep thinking I could have just been calmer this morning or not said I was cross to him etc. I am starting to wonder if I need therapy or something to help me better deal with this?

OP posts:
RoaryLion1 · 19/09/2024 10:11

I think this completely normal. Toddlers can be really, really irritating and I’ve often found myself getting frustrated/tearful, especially at bedtimes when I’m also tired (my DS has just turned 3). It’s good that you’re aware of it and that you’re giving yourself a few minutes to calm down if you need it. Sounds like you’re doing a lot on your own - is there any way your DH could be home for morning or bedtime, even a couple of times a week? Do you get a break at weekends?

muddlingthrou · 19/09/2024 10:11

I think you're human and navigating a tough phase on your own. As long as you're not getting angry and taking out your emotions on your toddler you're ok.

My DD is 2.5 and we've just come out of a very frustrating phase that sounds similar. She still has her moments, mind you! I try and remind myself that toddlers have no sense of time, so trying to hurry them just gets both of us exasperated. The best bet is to leave PLENTY of time for everything and to use distraction when they're resisting doing something you need them to do (the number of times an imaginary squirrel has come to my rescue 😂).

Just be patient with yourself and your little one and you'll get there. I swear toddlers were sent to test us!

Pippa12 · 19/09/2024 10:12

Parenting a toddler is really tough, aslong as you are being firm but not shouting/screaming at him you are absolutely fine.

He should sit down in his high chair because standing up is unsafe, and no he can’t play with toys at breakfast time because he needs to eat. Nothing wrong with that scenario.

The arching of the back for car seats/ prams… enough to evoke tears from the most patient kind.

Be gentle to yourself, getting out of the house in the morning is beyond stressful.

DadJoke · 19/09/2024 10:19

They really are frustrating. You have to allow lots of time for everything and give up on being on time.

For the car seat I had to make up a game and song where the cuddly car seat would protect her. It was embarrassing, but it worked. It ended with her choosing which cuddly toy she held while driving (hint: it was always the leopard)

When they get sad or angry at something which they cannot have you sympathise with their emotion without giving in, and give them two options both of which are good with you.

Topjoe19 · 19/09/2024 10:21

I felt like crap when I dropped mine to school this morning as it was so stressful, and they are 7 & 5! I know how you feel.

okayhescereal · 19/09/2024 10:23

Oh gahds the back arching! I'd forgotten that stage. Hideous.

Multiple times our childminder came and put DS in the car for me as I was just totally failing/in a flap but she was no nonsense. 'Stop being a pickle for your poor mummy!' and suddenly the straps were done and we were off.

Toddlers can be tyrannical. It's hard to stay calm. Be kind to yourself as others have said. Repeat the sensible things 'you need to sit down at the table, standing in your chair isn't safe'. 'You can show me which toy you want after breakfast, it's time to eat now not play'. Take deep breaths. This too shall pass!

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 19/09/2024 10:25

Completely normal. Make sure he's strapped in the high chair every single time and if he doesn't like it then tough, safety first.

Used to have to sort of karate chop ds to get him in the car seat , bend him in the middle.

And breeeeeeathe...

NuffSaidSam · 19/09/2024 10:26

This is obviously fine.

If the morning routine is stressful, change it. Get up earlier or sort things then night before or change when/where/how he has breakfast.

I'd implement a 'no toys at the table' rule, much easier.

BarbaraHoward · 19/09/2024 10:26

Totally normal. I didn't know what anger or frustration were until I had a toddler! I'm a really calm person but my kids can push my buttons like nothing else.

okayhescereal · 19/09/2024 10:27

BarbaraHoward · 19/09/2024 10:26

Totally normal. I didn't know what anger or frustration were until I had a toddler! I'm a really calm person but my kids can push my buttons like nothing else.

right?! it's like I actually grew my own self destruct button...in human form!

BarbaraHoward · 19/09/2024 10:31

okayhescereal · 19/09/2024 10:27

right?! it's like I actually grew my own self destruct button...in human form!

Show quote history

God yes.

Shoes. Who knew. They're just fucking shoes, but also instruments of torture.

Original poster
Awfulmumm · 19/09/2024 10:31

Thank you. When I said ‘just sit down and stop this’ I was saying it in a really cross way, not shouting but my voice was definitely raised. He then cried more. I then got his toy he wanted as it just felt easier, usually I never give in.

DP can’t/wont do more and to be honest he doesn’t always make it any easier and sometimes things take longer when he’s around. I just feel shit today and like I’m a rubbish mum.

OP posts:
CurbsideProphet · 19/09/2024 10:35

Mornings can be so stressful when you're on the clock for getting out of the door. My nearly 2 year old isn't that struck on eating breakfast before 8am (neither is DH). I try him with some breakfast in the living room and if he doesn't eat it we move on. He will be given the option of breakfast when he gets to childcare which he will of course wolf down happily...

We have ditched the high chair and have a portable chair that attaches to a normal dining chair. He likes this at tea time as we call it his "big boy chair". We have less stress over sitting in this than the high chair.

Bedtime is when I have to really manage my own emotions as after a stressful day I just want some quiet time. It's all a phase, that's what I say to myself!

Just4thisthreadtoday · 19/09/2024 10:35

@Awfulmumm

they can try the patience of a bloody saint!!

it's normal get frustrated, but maybe your reaction is a bit fast & a bit extreme?! How is your health? Are you getting decent sleep?
that makes a huge difference!!

I know DH is working long hours all week, so is probably tired too, but I hope he's getting up with DS at least one weekend morning & getting him sorted for the day (breakfast/dressed, not just watching tv with him until you get up!!)

Things improve massively as their language improves. This too shall pass!

Itsmyshadow · 19/09/2024 10:39

It’s really hard and it totally depends on your child. I have three and my two older girls never push my buttons like my 2.5 year old son does. He is just difficult about everything.

Bedtime he will lie on his front so I can’t get his nappy on, try to stop me getting him into his pyjamas, refuse to wear the socks I’ve chosen but then refuse to choose any himself…. Often it’s a two man job to get him dressed and it can involve one of us pinning him down (gently) if he’s very overtired and gone past the reasoning stage.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 19/09/2024 10:43

Awfulmumm · 19/09/2024 10:31

Thank you. When I said ‘just sit down and stop this’ I was saying it in a really cross way, not shouting but my voice was definitely raised. He then cried more. I then got his toy he wanted as it just felt easier, usually I never give in.

DP can’t/wont do more and to be honest he doesn’t always make it any easier and sometimes things take longer when he’s around. I just feel shit today and like I’m a rubbish mum.

Pick your battles, if a toy makes things easier just give him the toy.

LolaJ87 · 19/09/2024 10:48

My son is about to to turn 2 and I could have written your post. It feels like I'm surrounded by gentle parents who know how to handle everything and then I'm going to pieces because instead of getting in the car he ran off to play in the mucky flowerbed when we needed to leave 5 minutes ago.

They are really asserting their independence at this stage, and they know what they want but not what they need/what is safe so it's very difficult.

Give yourself some kindness and patience (if you've any left!) because we are still learning too, and some parts of it are very hard! You sound like you're doing your best, it's all we can do.

alpacachino · 19/09/2024 10:49

Thing to remember is its ok for them to cry and be upset. If you keep giving in to try and stop them crying (as tempting as it is) they will not learn.

SJM1988 · 19/09/2024 10:55

2 year olds are stressful. They have their own independent thoughts and wants but sometimes can't quite communicate that to us. Plus also a lot of the time don't want to do what they need to or we want them to.
I think its totally normal to get frustrated and raise your voice a little especially when you deal with it day in and day out. Take a breathe, have a cry and move on. I feel like I spend my time arguing with a 7 year old and 2 year old whenever I am with them. They just know how to push the right buttons. I just take a minute, walk away and try again 5 mins later.

Cartwrightandson · 19/09/2024 11:12

For breakfast, just put some toast onto a plate, put it in the living room so he can walk about, play with toys/watch TV, this will give you a break

Chocolateorange22 · 19/09/2024 11:50

With the car seat I found distraction the best. I'd sing really loud and stupidly perhaps even throw a dance in with it. He'd laugh and untense so I could then strap him in whilst still doing it. Sometimes blowing raspberries and say "oh X did you just let out a trump cor it's a smelly one" or blow gently in his face.

Tharshe · 19/09/2024 11:53

You're doing great. Toddlers are exhausting and looking after them is often grinding and joyless. Yes there are magical days too, but my memory of when DS was small is exactly as you describe.

FlingThatCarrot · 19/09/2024 11:57

Sounds normal. They are very frustrating at times and if there's no other adult to take turns I can understand why you're getting wound up.
But you didn't scream or shout at him or swear or anything awful.
I'm very strict about no toys at the table as they drop them and get them messy. For the car seat, you need to prefold him- pick him up and fold, then straight into seat. Always leave the straps loosened and apart to make it easier to get him in.

Could you try to do anything the night before to make morning smoother? Pick his clothes out, make overnight oats or something so there's less to do? Get up before he does so you don't have to get ready with him there? Even a few less steps will make it less stressful.

HamptonPlace · 19/09/2024 12:03

100% normal. Have 3. Don't stress it. Will get worse before it gets better (sorry!) But same for all the parents i know. Don't feel guilty..

HamptonPlace · 19/09/2024 12:07

At toddler age I 100% have experienced 2 parents make stuff slower.. they are always appealing to the other parent (not that they don't do that now, just to a lesser extent...)