Partner says I'm lazy

[Ionasmum19]

I have been signed off of work due to my mental health which I have struggled with for a while. My partner is a self employed painter and decorater. He will come home from work and have a go at me and call me lazy for not being at work. He says I sit and do nothing all day which isn't true. I take our dd to school, do the shopping, housework etc then go back to collect dd in the afternoon. If he comes home and there are weeds in the garden, my coffee cup hasn't been washed etc, then it is a row as he says he has been working hard all day and I've done nothing. I understand he works hard but it's not my fault I'm not at work, my doctor has said I'm not fit to be there. AIBU for being annoyed by this or am I as lazy as he makes out? Apologies for the rambling post!

He isn't very supportive is he. Maybe you need to rethink as to whether this relationship could be the cause of your mental health issues.

I have a feeling some of the posters here have never experienced true mental health issues, whether themselves or someone close. Some really unhelpful responses.

OP I’m sorry you’re struggling and understand you’ll be struggling a lot with motivation at the moment. Write down very small tasks that are manageable and tick them off each day, don’t forget self care here too and you will feel better just seeing things you’ve done. Try mindfulness by going on walks.

I agree with PP though, perhaps your partner might be contributing to your low mood as well.

Don't beat yourself up, you wouldn’t if you had a broken leg, you need time to heal.

This was my first thought too.

You’re in a vicious cycle here, I can’t see you getting better with him breathing down your neck all the time.

I would tell him that if he doesn’t stop this behaviour then you will leave (but mean it),

If you are off work it might be a stress to him as he can't see what the future holds and if you are going back. He might be concerned about money. I don't think he is being particularly understanding though and a bit pedantic with it. A coffee cup isn't a big deal.

What are you doing to get well again? Are you on any waiting lists or doing things for yourself to get back to work? He might see the teeny tiny things as signs you are not going back to work and have accepted your health as the status quo, rather than a break to get well. You shouldn't have to explain to him, but I think it is best to reiterate that you want to go back to work but him making you feel like shit is only goung to prolong you being off. You also need to prioritise yourself, and some things around the house might not get done in the meantime and he needs to help.

Painting and decorating isn't that fecking hard though. If he sees his job as the only contribution required and his work is entirely done when he clocks off from that (and the wife has to work and manage the home) it is him who is lazy.

Yes because of course, he knows better than a trained, qualified professional and OP herself. Whenever I need advice on my mental health, I seek out a painter and decorater.

🙄