I acquired a chronic illness/disability 5 years ago. I am lucky in that it is, well,not exactly invisible but more concealable, but I tend to average about 3-4 hospital admissions a year. As my children have got older, they have started to mention to people that I was in hospital, and after that, I their friend's parents have backed right off from me, even ones that have previously been friendly. Before I got ill, I was treated completely normally, so it was a sudden shift.
I am very conscious that my health problem is my problem and nobody elses, and I would never have told these people about it, let alone asked for help. However, I overheard two of the mums saying that people were concerned that I would be asking for things all the time. These were people that I barely knew, and I have no idea how they even knew about my situation, so I guess gossiping has been going on.
I live in a small village where everyone knows everyone, and people think nothing of picking eachother's DCs up from school, having playdates and sharing lifts to sports matches etc. Previously I was included. However, I don't feel like I can take part in any of these any more. I offer playdates at my house but don't accept them from others, and if I cannot take my DCs to an activity because my health prevents it, then they don't go. I don't even chat at the school gates now, I scoop and run. Basically I am as independent as it is possible to be, never mention my problems to anybody, but people have still pre emptively decided that I might be a drain.
I know that people are busy and very protective of their time, and I understand this. Is this just to be expected?