Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Relationship changes due to illness

9 replies

Sunside123 · 17/09/2024 23:11

My husband and I have a great relationship. Been married 7 years, together 10 with 2 children. We laughed, messed around, good sex life etc etc
A few months ago he was diagnosed with GERD. Think acid reflux but much worse for him. He's always had heartburn etc but it rarely stopped him doing anything. He is under a GP but nothing is helping at the moment and further testing for other medication is taking it's time but he is following all the things set by the GP. Things have changed so much and I'm struggling not to feel so sad about it.
He doesn't come out with us anymore because of the symptoms, sex life has dropped of massively, every decision seems to be ruled by how he's feeling.
I miss him and the old us so much. I try not to show him that I'm feeling sad by it and staying positive but he does know to some extent. It's not his fault at all and I don't blame him in the slightest. I just feel terrible for feeling negative while he's suffering with it. I'm teary at the idea that this is the new us from now and almost feel like I'm mourning the relationship we had.

AIBU to feel this way? Should I just suck it up more and stop being so selfish?

OP posts:
JohnSt1 · 17/09/2024 23:22

I used to have really bad GERD. At its worst it was debilitating. Now it's under control I don't even notice it. It can take a while to get the right medication.

Edit: It runs in my mother's side of the family.

Sunside123 · 17/09/2024 23:25

JohnSt1 · 17/09/2024 23:22

I used to have really bad GERD. At its worst it was debilitating. Now it's under control I don't even notice it. It can take a while to get the right medication.

Edit: It runs in my mother's side of the family.

Edited

Can I please ask what medication worked for you in the end? It feels like and endless back and forth to the GP at the moment

OP posts:
Sunside123 · 18/09/2024 00:07

Bump

OP posts:
FranceIsWhereItsAt · 18/09/2024 00:32

I guess this is where the 'in sickness and in health' bit comes in, when you marry OP. I know that sounds harsh, but my DH and I have gone through something, possibly worse, bearing in mind that a PP indicated that your DH's symptoms may be possible to control given time. For us, we'd been together 7 years, then got married. Eleven months later, I became disabled. Suddenly I was unable to do so many of the things that we'd always taken for granted, long walks, hill climbs, long flights, etc, but bless him, my DH took it in his stride. I often worried that I was stopping him living his life, but always told him, and still do, that if there's something he wants to do that I can't, then he really must go ahead and do it, even if secretly I would hate him going off and leaving me to do things I no longer can, but that's just selfish on my part, and I am so grateful that he has rarely done this. He tells me that he married me to be with me, and if that means we can't do all the things we once could, well, we'll find other things that we CAN do together. I don't necessarily think you're being selfish, but if you really love your DH, then try and think of him, and how he's feeling. It may also be useful to remind him occasionally, that there is ALWAYS someone out there who is worse off than himself. I feel sure that given time, you will adapt to the new situation, and who knows, if they get the drugs right, it may not even be an issue a few months down the line. However, if you feel that your DH is getting depressed and not doing things that he CAN do, but is wearing the dressing gown of doom, and wallowing in self pity, then do try and get him to talk to his GP about it, as he needs to find a way of adapting to this life change. This also applies to you, as it's not unusual for family members to feel down when they suddenly find their lives have been severely curtailed by the illness of a family member. I hope it all works out for the best, but to some degree, it can be what you and your DH choose to make of it. Good luck!

pikkumyy77 · 18/09/2024 00:40

It will get better. Tjis is just a drought.

Kitkat1523 · 18/09/2024 01:33

What’s he prescribed…..I was on omeprazole which didn’t touch it…..now on Famotidine with good effect…..has he had an endoscopy? …..is it just gerd? Or stomach pains as well …..if so has he been tested for h pylori?

JohnSt1 · 18/09/2024 11:23

Sunside123 · 17/09/2024 23:25

Can I please ask what medication worked for you in the end? It feels like and endless back and forth to the GP at the moment

Esomeprazole works very well for me. That's a very common med, so he may have tried it. There are so many options, and I'm sure he will find one that works. I tried several before I found one that worked for me.

If his oesophagus is raw and burnt, it could feel like nothing is working until it heals, but the medication allows it to heal. It can take a while.

Kaisawheel · 18/09/2024 11:35

I’ve had awful GERD for about 12 years- I was on the max dose of Omeprazole for years and that didn’t touch it. I’m on Pantoprazole now and it’s much better

Beingreasonable · 18/09/2024 11:37

Hi - I had GERD and took medication for years - I gradually got off omeprozale by drinking 3 cups of camomile tea a day. Give it a try - if on meds need to gradually come off as otherwise symptoms flare up if you stop at once.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread