12 hours later - the pimpernel appears!

[McHot]

I'm usually the horizontally chilled. But there's one thing that DH does that does my head in and he's done it today.

He's a tutor and teaches two evening classes a week as well as day classes. He would usually teach on a Tuesday night but is having a phased return due to an illness over summer. He left the house at 8am this morning to go to work for the morning to cover some student inductions and ease him back into the role - great.

At 6pm I messaged him to ask if he was working as I'd not heard from him since lunchtime (quick text about a dr's appt for me). He replied one word - teaching xxx. So he had ended up seeing the day out and teaching the class this evening.

All of which is of course absolutely fine. And yet...AIBU to have expected him to give me any kind of heads up after leaving at 8am that he wouldn't be back until 9pm? He must have known at some point at least this afternoon that he was going to stay on and cover his class musn't he? I'm glad he feels up to it but after supporting him for four months through his issues I felt a touch disregarded today.

He is a lovely DH and absolutely does me no wrong pretty much ever but it does wind me up if he doesn't let me know change of schedule stuff around work in the evenings so I can sort out eating etc , taking the dogs out and not waiting for him.

I do think I am being a bit unreasonable tbf and feel a bit inwardly nowty but haven't been an arse when he's just nonchalantly rocked up and won't be, probably.

Would anyone else get irked? Absolutely no point me pointing out the obvious i,e. you could have dropped me a text as he'll just take the hump at the suggestion, more than likely.

My partner is a repeat offender. It used to drive me crazy but I pretty much just ignore it now. He’s not going to change and, in the grand scheme of things, it makes little difference to my evening.

He’s probably just catching up with colleagues / work / changes and the day got away from him. It’ll be a bit overwhelming and mentally draining going back to work after a long absence so I’d give him a break to be honest, see how he goes when he gets back into the swing of things and whether it becomes an issue then.

I would find this very rude and disrespectful tbh. I don’t need to know every detail, but a heads up that he would be late back would be a minimum expectation.

A good rule of thumb is "if we both did the same thing, how would that turn out?"

So, in today's scenario, (his version) you both stayed late at work without communicating that to each other, your dogs are left alone for far too long, not walked or fed, and have done their business in the house. Is that acceptable? Clearly not.

Today's scenario (your version) you both tried to get hold of the other person to find out what was happening this evening, the dogs get walked, fed and get to poo/wee outside. You each know the other person hasn't died in a tragic accident.

Which is better, his version or yours?

It sounds like he's one of those blokes who thinks that he can do whatever he likes, when he likes and the woman in his life has to ensure all joint responsibilities are dealt with.

Presumably you won't be having children with him.

But you knew at 6pm that he was teaching. Isn't that plenty of time to sort out dogs and food?

But she had to ask to get that information. He could have let her know in the first place.

Yes, or she could have asked. I don't think there's anything to be gained from the who texts first kind of arguments. Especially with what sounds like a thoroughly decent husband. What's the point of OP picking at this?

Because she's not mind reader. It's just common courtesy to let someone know if you're going to be home later than expected and unable to do certain routine things.

My DH used to do this a lot in our early years together. I let him know it was unacceptable. He did change and stop it.

No children together and we're past that age. Can you imagine?!

I didn't pick at him, just quietly seethed behind his back 😆

Ah sorry, I misread your post. You had already said no point pointing it out. I agree with you!

I'd wonder whether he worked of his own volition or if somebody senior manipulated him into it.