to feel I have totally lost my sense of identity...!!!

[SmoothandWilkie]

ARGHHHHH!!! Have had a bad day and need to rant.

We have relocated and my DH is CONSTANTLY at work at the moment leaving me to look after our DS for 5.5 days per week. The other 2.5 days is spent working in DHs business with him.

I feel undervalued and BORED. I am only 26. I find it dull being at home with a toddler all day. I have no friends here apart from one MNer. I am someone's wife, someone's mum and someone's employee but WHO AM I??? I have totally lost my identity.

I am 26 and feel fucking old before my time.

DS has been ill for the last two days, I got two hours sleep tonight, have had to cry off the 'do' me and DH were meant to be going to tonight so he has gone on his own .

I am sick and tired of it. I want to curl in up a ball and hibernate for a while.

Over and out.

that is really rubbish - a good night out always helps. Aghhhh it WILL get better xxx

Oh Smooth, I hope that rant has helped a bit. I feel old before my time at 27 too. I have no friends around here either, but feel lucky to be at home atm. No-one to answer to, I am MY OWN boss.

Sending some chocolate across.

Are there any good toddler groups nearby you could go along to,
this is how i have made some fab new friends, and we have helped each other by babysitting and organising the occasional girls night out.

But i totally sympathise with most of your feelings,
and a lack of sleep just makes everything feel so much worse doesn't it.

Thank you! You're right, sleep deprivation is the worst and makes everything feel 10x worse.

I am taking my DS to Tumble Tots this week and so will accost anyone that looks remotely nice! I am lucky to have met an MNer in the same town who is lovely but it is nice to have a few people to call on. DH works weekends which is when most people are spending time together and I don't like to intrude on their 'family' time.

Also, the majority of people with children the same age are 30+. There seems to be very few mid twenties people with little ones. I know that seems an odd statement to make but it does seem true!

Don't count out us mums who are over 30
But just because we are over 30 doesn't mean we won't be nice or not have anything to talk about with you.

Besides on first impressions many mums can look older than they are,
its that lack of sleep thing again
I know that many days I probably look 50+

Oh god ten, I didn't mean anything like that. My MNer friend is 30+ as is my sis, and 2 good friends who live away. I just mean that it intrigues me why there aren't more mid 20's mums

I'm ancient now (41) but had my oldest at 21 and agree, it was really hard to make friends with other mothers my age (and this was late '80s, so things haven't changed). Looking back, I was just floundering - none of my friends had kids, I had no family around. I reall feel for you - it wasn't a good time.

Please try toddler groups etc because even if you stick out like a sore thumb at least you will have kids in common, and at least you will spend a couple of hours in the company of (hopefully) friendly adults who will be interested in youAnd keep remembering you won't always feel like this.

((((hugs))))) get an early night, step away from the computer. Lack of sleep makes everything really crap.

oh yes and when you get to know the other mums dont worry about the weekends - they might want to meet up - the partners might have jobs/work to do - they may take it in turns to go to gym or whatever, so do let them know that sometimes you are free on a sat/sun

Don't worry I was only mucking about
you certainly didn't offend me or anything

but i think that people are either having children earlier (before 20) and later (over 30)
so it probably is difficult to find 20 something mums.
and i have absolutely no advice about that

Sympathies... I'm a 25 year old mum with two dds and no mum friends my own age! But the "older" (older, not old!) mums are nice too It can be difficult to find topics for conversations at toddler groups, apart from kids that is. I think that's true no matter how old you are you just have to stick with it a bit.

Good luck & hope you get some sleep

Where are you Smooth??

Big ((hugs)) Wilkie. Hope lo is feeling better. It will get better for you once you have settled in to the new area. Lots of big changes for you atm.

(Lots of lovely people over 30 btw )

Thank you all for your lovely posts. I feel better this morning - even though LO was up all night being sick!!!!

I live in Huddersfield and have only been here 5 weeks. Moved from 2 hours away.

I am gonna try a couple of groups too I think. My MNer mate has offered to come with me and hold my hand

lots of good advice on here already, I just wanted to add that even if NOW isn't the right time, don't forget to keep thinking about doing something out of the house that is about you and not about being a mum and wife.

I know your DH is working all hours etc at the moment but it's easy to get in to a rut and keep on in the same old way - so keep it in mind and when time allows make sure you do something! Work part time a couple of evenings somewhere, or do an evening class or something. Maybe you could have a regular time out on a weekend?

Honoria - you are right. I went out with my sister and her friend last week for an evening meal and it was great - I felt like ME again! It is just tricky as there is no family nearby so no babysitters!

i know its early days but when i moved here i started a baby sitting circle with neighbouring mums and it worked well for about a year, so you could try that? we did it so that if you babysat for 2 hours you got 2 hours back sometime. It worked pretty well.