To give away his seat

[Fedupnow23]

I work in the restaurant industry and so does a guy i‘ve been on a few dates with.

I managed to get a seat for me, him and one of his colleagues, to a sold-out restaurant opening event. I have friends in the industry who’d love to come along but couldn’t get a seat (in fairness, this was because they left it late to get their spot and opted out when I offered to get their seats with mine).

Separately, the guy I’ve been seeing asked me for some professional contacts that he wanted to arrange meetings with. I pulled some strings to get him the contacts he wanted, which wasn’t easy.

Unfortunately, he’s really messed these people around which has embarrassed me horribly. He contacted them for meetings but never replied to their responses. It’s reflected on me really badly and I’ve just had to apologise on his behalf to someone, who contacted me to say this guy had stopped responding. He also didn’t respond to me when I chased him.

I’d like to just give away this guy’s two seats for the dinner and assign them to my friends instead.

I have no interest in going on another date with him anyway, and I’m fuming that he’s embarrassed me so badly.

That said, I hate confrontation and don’t know how to let him know I’ve given the seats away, without it becoming a whole drama.

He doesn't deserve the seat. Give them to your friends.

Just text him - you embarrassed me professionally. I don't want to go out again. I'm taking 2 friends to restaurant instead. Then block him. Presuming the booking is in your name so it's up to you who to take.

Say something like sorry I don't really want to pursue any more dates with you so I'll take someone else to the restaurant. Best of luck. Etc

this.

Simple text, no rebuff or getting into long drawn out explanation, just - I've done it and don't want to interact further, goodbye.

Just message him and say because of his unreliability and embarrassing you the seats and your vagina are no longer available to him. Then block.

PP have it right

Spell it out - 'you haven't dealt professionally with the contacts I gave you and it has had repercussions for me. I'm no longer interested in dating and I will be giving the seats at X to my friends'

You are going to learn to tolerate confrontation if you want to avoid this situation in the future. Confrontation doesn't mean what you think it means either. Telling someone you have no interest in seeing them again is not confrontational. It's called expressing your wishes.
Text him to say that unfortunately you have to cancel the restaurant arrangement as you find his conduct unprofessional. All the best in his future endeavors.
And ignore any drama that comes your way.

Do it. He’s rather rude

You don't want to go on another date with him so why on earth would you take him and a colleague out? Fuck that.

Excellent suggestions for texts, the tickets are yours to give to whoever you like

If he's already not responded to you, just say "I'll take your lack of response as meaning you're no longer coming. See ya..."

Totally agree that you should message and tell him that he's not invited.

I would also ask the venue to note the names of the guests you have now invited in case he is a CF and tries to still go under your name.

I would give away the seat. Just tell him you are no longer interested in dating him and you are giving his seat to someone else. I would also be cautious of people you barely know using you in future for contacts. It seems way to early to be asking someone to pull strings for contacts. He sounds like a user.

Is he definitely still alive, or well?
I agree that you shouldn't take him and send a text about the professional embarrassment and not giving him the seats.
However I know someone who something similar happened to. The guy attempted to end his life, which was why there was radio silence. So I'd keep the text professional just in case.

He is. He just resurfaced, annoyed with ME for chasing him up.

I am still getting people angrily texting me complaining that he’s wasted their time, and friends who helped me get the contacts, are also annoyed with me by associated. Absolutely fuming.

Imagine how cross you'd feel with him at that dinner. Definitely take back the seat and tell.him why!

I guess you've learned your lesson not to put yourself out for a casual boyfriend in a work situation

He sounds like a dick but in future keep your boundaries. Anyone else asking in future - you don't mix business and relationships, end of.

Just tell him you don’t see the relationship going any further, so to clarify, the restaurant date is off.

Then block.

Of course YANBU. How is it ‘confrontation’ to put and end to dating when you no longer want to see someone?

He has behaved incredibly badly but to progress to having valuable contacts you must surely be able to communicate clearly. Which is not confrontation.

Another vote for this reply. If you don't want to see him again then, job done. And if you do want to see him again then - just don't! Run away instead.

As for the angry messages you are getting, all you can do is hold your hands up and say that you thought he was better than he's turned out to be and you certainly won't waste anyone's time with him again. Including your own!

OP, do not under any circumstances let that unappreciative arsehole have those seats. Block him and let him work out why.

First post nails it

To add to this - maybe change the name on the booking to one of your friends so that he doesn't cancel/change your booking out of spite!

don't respond to his messages asking about when to meet you for the meal etc.
karma!

unless he already knows the time/date etc in which case just message him 'Hi sorry I can't give you the seats for x' or 'Hi, just to let you know the seats for X are no longer available'. I wouldn't even go into saying you're given them to friends or anything, or the reason why, all he needs to know is he is no longer going. Block him if he then starts being arsy. Or, again, just don't reply and give him a taste of his own medicine!