Aibu to ask if you bought your child a dumbphone

[Jjiillkkf]

Aibu to ask if you bought your child a dumb phone instead of a smartphone and how that went. Also, shamlessly - I'm looking for recommendations, are there any quality ones out there or are they all quite flimsy?

A dumb phone didn't make sense for my daughter as she needs to see when her bus was coming in the morning, had her bus pass, lunch card and library card on as well as access to her homework app.

At 11 we gave our son an old phone that we had for an au pair about ten years ago. it was worse than a Nokia Brick. Think the old style press A three times to get a C when messaging. He only needed it to call us to get picked up from the park. He styled it out telling his mates it was his burner phone 🤣🤣🤣
Honestly kept him out of so much snap chat drama in the his last year of primary.

My DS nearly 13 has a smartphone and we just monitor what is/isn’t allowed, he has a time limit and it shuts off about an hour before his bedtime.

We were stricter initially about social media etc but unfortunately so much socialising and interaction seems to happen through Snapchat and WhatsApp etc. DS was often left out of things when he didn’t have them
and seems to be way more included and fitting into a nice friendship group now.

It’s really hard to navigate.

DC in y7 has a Nokia brick. It makes you realise how intuitive and easy to use smartphones are! Phones are not allowed at their school and are locked away so it's just in case he needs to tell me he's staying out late or similar.

Old school texting is a bit of a pain but he's picked it up remarkably quickly.

He rarely uses it or looks at it, except to play the odd game of Snake. I'm happy with that.

I'd still love to get him a touchscreen dumb phone when something eventually comes out, but no rush.

We have a Nokia brick for my 13 yr old and most of her friends only have access to this type of phone too

I do love a burner phone. DH has one like a proper gangster. I wanted the kids to have them, but they needed so many apps for school. So they had very locked down iPhones instead. No socials at all, no app downloading without consent. No internet browser for the first few years. Phone locks down at a reasonable hour except they can call or message me/DH/sibling at any time. So emergency use only. We allowed WhatsApp, but monitored from a laptop. Gradually we loosened our grip as they got older. Despite the school talking a lot about being anti-phone, so much work is set on apps, so many resources are “watch these YouTube vids”. Library cards and lunch money is in an app. Impossible for us to go dumb phone for DC.

Quite honestly I would be wanting to send my child/teen to a different school if the school required my child to have one so that they could use library card, home work app etc. Totally beyond what is necessary imho. Too much too young.
Im in my 40s and still very happy with my ancient little flip phone. It does nothing except text and calls and thats all I really every need - bus pass, library card, whatever else are in the pocket of my coat/bag. If I need directions I dont need google maps I just ask someone. If I need to know what time the bus is coming I look at the printed timetable at the bus stop or ask people who are waiting if they think its due. Paying for stuff I use a debit card and have never yet felt a need to sign up to online banking) I hate that nowadays having a smartphone by the time kids get to secondary school is so universal (and Im loving the recent pushback against it!)

This is a really interesting thread. I'm a way off this for my DC but have talked about using dumb phones from high school until sixth form.

I've just heard too many stories of the horrors of social media for children. It's so bad for them and we've no idea the long term impact. I heard a doctor make the comparison to cigarettes - allowing teens access to social media is as harmful as buying them cigarettes. That really stuck with me.

If you want a "dumb" phone, I'd recommend a traditional Nokia. When I was a kid, they were indestructible. Also, the battery life is unreal. (Our local parkrun uses a Nokia; the core volunteer team doesn't have to remember to keep the phone charged.)

But if your child's school has many apps—homework, timetables, etc—the list is endless and seems to change yearly—then you'll need a smartphone. Don't forget to enable parental controls while they're young.

And if you stick with a "dumb" phone for whatever reason... I'd suggest an air tag somewhere unobtrusive, e.g. inside their school bag. If you collect them after school, it's a PITA trying to find your child out of a crowd of a thousand.

This. Our school don't allow phones visible unless they asked to play a kahoot quiz / photograph ingredients / go to google classroom.
Most use for bus tickets & cash card etc

@Yellowbananasarebetterthangreen We don’t all live where there is a choice of schools within a reasonable distance. And there are many other criteria to choose a school on. Schools find it cheaper to have parents provide tech and use free online resources instead of textbooks, and teachers like app homework that doesn’t need marking. Until schools are properly funded, going dumb phone only at school is a luxury behaviour. So we mitigate it as best we can, just like we mitigate the rest of the nonsense.

This is bollocks.

A smartphone isn't the problem. It's how much access they have which can be managed.

Basically a dumb phone is a lazy way of parenting.

The kids still need to learn to use and manage a smartphone over time because they are an essential part of adult life now.

There are also very apps which are helpful for educational purposes.

Teach your kids to use a smartphone responsibly rather than having a cope out only for them to get a smartphone a few years later and be faced with dealing with the same problems and not knowing how to use safely and responsibly with only a little more maturity.

It's pointless withholding a smartphone only for them to still be eventually thrown in the deep end.

Have those essential conversations with them about the whys etc, rather than effectively disengaging on the top.

Snapchat should be a hard no, regardless. Sorry.

Adults can't even use smartphones responsibly, they're designed to be irresistible and highly addictive with growing links to mental health issues, depression, anxiety, even schizophrenia. Developmentally children are not ready to deal with the challenges they present and I think it's naive to think a 'conversation' is in any sufficient to prepare them for it. It's simply not appropriate for children. The same arguments can be applied to sexual activity, or using cocaine. You can discourage certain uses, but if it feels like everyone is doing it, and it feels harmless, a conversation isn't going to deter them. You either pay a subscription to block those features, in which case you're paying a premium to essentially have a fancy dumbphone, or they do it in secret, or you have never-ending arguments because the phone has the capacity to do what everyone else's does.

They only feel like an essential part of adult life but in reality plenty of older people get by without them. But, yes it does make life easier. However there are plenty of parents waking up to the fact they're as bad for kids as lead exposure and struggle with the potential for social isolation and stigmatisation not having these apps will have for kids. And if you're lucky enough to have kids with a peer group who don't use Snapchat etc, then you're very lucky and posh enough to be insulated from much of this. Most parents I know border on willfully blind as to what their kids get up to with their smartphones believing they've learnt valuable lessons but really they're already porn addicted, sent nudes, bullied, radicalised, anorexic, caught tiktok tics, dressing as cats, whatever.

Smartphones aren't ESSENTIAL even for adults - not absolutely everyone has them. You can decide against. Just going along and doing something because everybody else does is what seems lazy to me (not to mention teaching your dc that that's what you have to do in life).

They'll probably have to navigate, say, sexual relationships at some point (again, not actually mandatory). But you'd put a stop to it if they were 12. They have to learn to go out alone and cross roads etc - but not at 4. Personally I'd be happy if the law set some rules on minimum age for smartphones (as it does with underage sex and leaving toddlers unattended and suchlike); but in the meantime it's totally reasonable for parents to say "not until 16" or whatever.

Realistically most of us don't have much choice as to what school our DC go to and for me there were more important issues like SEN support than if they used apps. I've not heard of a school that doesn't round here anyway.

It's great you're happy with a smartphone, but when buses are cut out it doesn't show on a printed timetable and not everyone is comfortable speaking to strangers.

I think the kick back is great, however for my DC, I prefer a locked down smart phone.

Is there an age you would teach them about using a smartphone?

I know what my DD does on her phone and it's not porn or nudes or being radicalised! Not saying those aren't issues for some DC.

My year 8 DC has had a brick phone since the end of year six. She goes to a huge, fairly strict comprehensive. School are strict about not allowing phones to be used in school and although they use Google classroom for homework, she is fine doing this on a laptop at home.

Socially she’s been fine. I was surprised to find that she is far from the only one and not having a smart phone has been a non-issue.

Nokia here too. Only needed for phonecalls.

Nokia here too. Only needed for phonecalls.

Nonsense. It isn’t knowing how to use a smartphone that kids need to learn, its how to manage relationships. This doesn’t come from being online. Also, learning how to use a smartphone takes 5 minutes for kids. It’s not a life skills that takes years to develop.

All of the evidence shows that withholding these devices for as long as possible is in the interests of children.

I work I tech and I can assure you that the people designing the phones and the apps that go on them are keeping them away from the kids for as long as possible.

for all those joking about burner phones
I was chatting with a secondary school teacher the other day and was told a child having a brick phone would be a possible red flag for county lines
so maybe not so funny after all

My 12 year old as a smartphone but:

It’s locked down for 12 hours overnight, 7.30-7.30

She cannot access any social media.

She needs permission to download any apps.

She does not have access to google search / internet.

So it’s basically a dumb phone except she can use maps, school apps, chat on what’s app with friends, video calls etc.

You make it sound like you are the only person who works in tech and the only person who has a clue.

Na.