Aibu?

[mallivory]

Just looking for a bit of advice. I have a child under 1 (5mo) with my ex partner, however I live on my own and our baby lives with me. We split before I had the baby, however tried making things work after I gave birth.

My ex has a long history of occasional substance abuse and has been abusive to me at times in the relationship, we split again due to his substance issues recently.

he will not agree to seeing her on certain days/times and seems to think he can just turn up whenever he is available to spend time with her. Which doesn’t work as I’m expected to sit around all day and see if he turns up?

I don’t feel comfortable with him taking our child on his own due to his history of abuse and drug use however he believes he has a right to have her overnight and take her on his own which I would fully understand if he was more hands on with her for a start and if he didn’t choose drugs over seeing his child before.

he has made multiple threats towards me, and I just don’t feel safe or comfortable being around him myself let alone leaving our child with him Just wanted some advice really on what my rights are in this situation x

Tell him to find a contact centre and pay for someone to supervise his time with his child for a period of time before he is allowed a vulnerable baby alone. You don't sit in waiting for him to turn up.

Report him to the police for the threats. This will give you a leg to stand on legally of he tries to get access to her in the future on his own. Get that on record now.
Try to keep a lot of communication written in texts and emails.
Be clear with him now what your expectations are in writing.
Protect yourself and your daughter.
Stop letting him boss you around about access.
Is he on the birth certificate? This matters of he wants unsupervised access.
Get clear evidence he is a risk to you and her. If he does try to go to court in the future for unsupervised access you need to gather evidence now to protect your daughter. She is 5 months old and has no voice or power. Please protect her.
Call womens aid for advice

Thank you I did mention this to him he’s not keen on anything I suggest as he seems to want it on his terms all the time which isn’t fair on baby

Thank you for your advice , I have been keeping a log of all of the threats, although he seems to do it in person or over the phone as he knows there is no way of me having it as proof. He is on the birth certificate unfortunately as I felt coerced by him and his family to put him on there. I’m doing everything I can to make sure she is safe and comfortable I just get made to feel like I’m restricting access (although I’m not) by not doing things the way everyone wants me to, he makes me feel like it’s completely unreasonable to have set days and supervised visits and it almost has me questioning myself! I really appreciate the advice I will definitely do the things you said. I’m 20 with not a lot of family around me so find it difficult in this situation :(

But I definitely agree she is the most important in this situation and I’ll do anything to protect her, to me seems like he just wants to get at me and he is using her to do that which is upsetting the most. Thank you again for your help

If he makes threats in person or over the phone then tell him because of this you are no longer going to be seeing him in person or speaking to him on the phone. All communication now has to be email or text and he cant see her. Call women's aid. You sound very vulnerable to him and intimidated by him. It sounds like he is in charge and that needs to change. Can you move away? 2 women are killed a week in the UK by current or ex partners OP. This is serious and you need help and support. Police women's aid, social services. Is there any family who live away that can help you and take you in?