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Racist MIL

52 replies

1exhaustedmama · 17/09/2024 07:58

Hi Everyone,

I just need to get this out of my chest as I can’t talk to my husband about it because he will say that I’m over reacting.
when my husband and I were going to get married, my husband’s parents suggested we move in with them so that we can save up for a home and won’t need to pay rent apart from help out with bills. Initially, I thought my mother in law was nice but after about a month or so she started getting saying things like; you can’t put your sanitary towels in the bathroom bin and to put them in those sealed plastic bag, inside your bedroom draw. Which I thought was insane and unhygienic- which btw I didn’t do. She then started saying why don’t you use tampons instead, is it a religious or a cultural thing? I said it was a preference.
then about few weeks later she was getting upset and saying to me, why can’t my son be with a white woman? Why does it have to be an ethnic woman. which I found upsetting but ignored.
she was constantly belittling me and saying how she is a doctor ( a retired Dr).
Anyhow, eventually I fell pregnant and my husband and I decided not to say anything until it’s past 12weeks. But during this time we would say to her and our FIL how it would be great if we had an additional member of the family. She hated that and constantly said she has no interest in becoming a grandma. Once my husband and I purchased a property and were getting ready to move, I discovered that my MiL goes to our room and searches our bin.
when my son was born she started saying that there was nothing special about him etc.
Anyhow, few years later and now the racism is really bothering me. She looks down on my mum and when I’m out with her she starts giving angry hateful look to ethnic people. I really can’t stand and I have no idea what to do.

OP posts:
1exhaustedmama · 17/09/2024 10:31

SwiftiesVSLestat · 17/09/2024 10:07

She doesn’t have thousands of used sanitary towels in her drawers. That’s not true is it?

Very strange claim to make

She had a few in a sealable clear bag.
She literally took me to her room to show me where I should put my used sanitary pads.
I told my husband about it and he was gob smacked. Then he mentioned how she left her gym clothes that she reused daily in the gym locker for 2years without washing them.

OP posts:
NewGreenDuck · 17/09/2024 10:36

So, how old is your MIL?

1exhaustedmama · 17/09/2024 10:38

Wendysfriend · 17/09/2024 10:05

No, sorry I don't believe this.

I posted in good faith and you come up with this gem.

I'm not wasting my time on this anymore, there are people suffering racial abuse your whole thread belittles each and every one of them.

This post is not intended to belittle anyone. I am sharing because I need support and advice on how to deal with the situation.
Do you understand how difficult it is for me or my family. How my MIL never introduces me as her DIL and never accepts me as one because I am not white. Do you know how it breaks my heart that she looks down on my family because they are different. She may not have to write it on a big poster but it’s obvious.

OP posts:
thepariscrimefiles · 17/09/2024 10:40

Why on earth did you agree to give up your job to be her carer? She is unpleasant and racist to you and you now have to see her every day and care for her. That's ridiculous.

OrangeSlices998 · 17/09/2024 10:43

Why have you become her carer? I’d be telling my DH she’s racist and belittles you, and she’s his responsibility not yours.

femfemlicious · 17/09/2024 10:44

1exhaustedmama · 17/09/2024 09:34

when my son was 2months old she would put her hands in his mouth because she believed he was teething and that he needed a relief. I told my husband to tell her to stop because it would make my baby sick.
And when my son was 1years old she was telling me to put him on a diet because he had chubby cheeks.
she made it very clear that she despises any one who is slightly overweight.
luckily we no longer live with her but I have to see her often because I am now her carer.
I had to quit my job because private care is ridiculously expensive. I mean she is not bed ridden or anything but I just go with her to her drs appointments and take her out shopping.
I have dealt with racists before who I care for but I was never bothered, and quite honestly I believe that people should be treated with dignity regardless of their views.
However, this is a tough one because she is my mother in law.

You need to go back to work ASAP!

Newhere5 · 17/09/2024 10:45

Wendysfriend · 17/09/2024 10:05

No, sorry I don't believe this.

I posted in good faith and you come up with this gem.

I'm not wasting my time on this anymore, there are people suffering racial abuse your whole thread belittles each and every one of them.

Yes,
sorry OP, I don’t believe that either.

Tourmalines · 17/09/2024 10:48

not buying any of this .

1exhaustedmama · 17/09/2024 10:53

Tourmalines · 17/09/2024 10:48

not buying any of this .

Which part are you unsure of?

OP posts:
Wouldhavebeenproficient · 17/09/2024 10:59

That's awful. I think you should have as little to do with her as possible.

NewGreenDuck · 17/09/2024 11:02

So, your MIL asked why you were using sanitary towels and not tampons, but then showed you her used sanitary towels?
And you are now her carer but that just involves taking her to medical appointments?
How long ago did all this happen? Are we talking years and years? Or recently?
Looking at it, some of this makes no sense.

BaronessBomburst · 17/09/2024 11:06

I've alerted MNHQ

Tourmalines · 17/09/2024 11:07

1exhaustedmama · 17/09/2024 10:53

Which part are you unsure of?

As I said , none . Not buying any .

Wendysfriend · 17/09/2024 11:10

1exhaustedmama · 17/09/2024 10:38

This post is not intended to belittle anyone. I am sharing because I need support and advice on how to deal with the situation.
Do you understand how difficult it is for me or my family. How my MIL never introduces me as her DIL and never accepts me as one because I am not white. Do you know how it breaks my heart that she looks down on my family because they are different. She may not have to write it on a big poster but it’s obvious.

Used sanitary products from 20 years ago . We're not stupid.

SwiftiesVSLestat · 17/09/2024 11:12

1exhaustedmama · 17/09/2024 10:31

She had a few in a sealable clear bag.
She literally took me to her room to show me where I should put my used sanitary pads.
I told my husband about it and he was gob smacked. Then he mentioned how she left her gym clothes that she reused daily in the gym locker for 2years without washing them.

Just a few?

So she kept only certain special ones? And wanted you to keep all yours?

Are these celebration used sanitary pads?

anyolddinosaur · 17/09/2024 11:13

Troll hunting is not permitted. If you have doubts click on report post and report the thread.

OrchardDoor · 17/09/2024 11:15

When she proudly showed you the used sanitary towels, did she say "Those are 20 years old."

Youmwarayoum · 17/09/2024 11:16

Wendysfriend · 17/09/2024 10:05

No, sorry I don't believe this.

I posted in good faith and you come up with this gem.

I'm not wasting my time on this anymore, there are people suffering racial abuse your whole thread belittles each and every one of them.

This.

I have racist in laws. I’m also not white. It’s fucking hard having to manage these relationships without people posting for likes.

OP, you were believable until you claimed she keeps 20 year old used sanitary towels.

Maria1979 · 17/09/2024 11:21

1exhaustedmama · 17/09/2024 09:17

She says she is not a racist but she continuously makes certain remarks about ethnic people. When we are out she looks at people of colour with disgust and anger.
I did take out the toilet bin bags out and into the main bins. She suggested that I put my used sanitary towels in my underwear draw- then took me to her room and showed me her used sanitary towels from 20years ago that were in her draws.

What!!??? She has had used sanitary towels in her drawer for 20 years!!!??🤮

Is this thread for real? She might be a racist but something is seriously wrong with her. I would avoid her and tell your DH to get her to a psychiatrist asap. There are definitely some screws loose...

1exhaustedmama · 17/09/2024 11:35

I apologise if my post didn’t make any sense.
what I have shared is true. I shared the tampon/ pads story because she was telling me to use tampon instead of pads because she was making a reference at how some ethnic women use pads instead of tampons. Which made no sense to me at the time and I was taken back by the comments.

I just want to make few things clear. My MIL is 70yrs old and the used sanitary pads and tampons event occurred 4yrs ago.
when we moved in with her she was going through the bins and asked me to put my used sanitary pads in my draw in a clear sealable bag. She then took me to her room and showed me how she stores her old used sanitary pads and tampons (few in separate bags). I am not sure how long they were there for but I assumed 20years ago because of her age.

OP posts:
CaptainMyCaptain · 17/09/2024 11:37

1exhaustedmama · 17/09/2024 11:35

I apologise if my post didn’t make any sense.
what I have shared is true. I shared the tampon/ pads story because she was telling me to use tampon instead of pads because she was making a reference at how some ethnic women use pads instead of tampons. Which made no sense to me at the time and I was taken back by the comments.

I just want to make few things clear. My MIL is 70yrs old and the used sanitary pads and tampons event occurred 4yrs ago.
when we moved in with her she was going through the bins and asked me to put my used sanitary pads in my draw in a clear sealable bag. She then took me to her room and showed me how she stores her old used sanitary pads and tampons (few in separate bags). I am not sure how long they were there for but I assumed 20years ago because of her age.

Did she not give any reason for storing them rather than disposing of them?

FatFuck · 17/09/2024 11:42

Op my advice is….

re MIL and comments- go no contact with her. Your partner can take your child over to see them but for your own mental health and self esteem, put some distance there.

re you being MILs carer- this has to stop. Give notice to your partner/FIL you are handing in your notice with two weeks. You want to do X instead even if its studying for a new career yourself idk make something up! Stay strong, do not be roped into a lift here/there etc. no more

im really sad and sorry to hear of the way she has treated you. How she thinks of herself and looks down on others says a lot about her. Dont allow her to act the way she does with you or your child. Your child will understand what shes saying soon enough and will feel the way you do at her comments. Is that what you want for your child? Show them you are worth more than this.

re sanitary pads - wtf! Shes bat shit. I put mine into the bin which is emptied daily.

dont put up with this a minute longer. Your partner should support you in this. If he doesn’t leave them to it but take your child with you

GlasgowGal82 · 17/09/2024 13:11

I find it difficult to believe that anyone stores used sanitary towels in their drawer, especially for 20 years! I went through a phase of wrapping mine up and putting them in my drawer when I was in my early teens because we didn't have a bathroom bin and I was too embarrassed to carry them through the house to the main bin. Within about a week it smelled like someone had died in my bedroom. Thirty years on I can still recall that awful smell so vividly. There's no way that your MIL could have stored them there long-term without everyone in the house knowing there was something wrong.

HauntedbyMagpies · 17/09/2024 13:20

@MissAshworth Same

nixon1976 · 17/09/2024 14:37

You absolutely need to go back to work, now. No need to quit a job to take her to a few doctors' appointments and go shopping. Get back to work and get some distance between you.