Car seat drama!

[LBLC14]

Am I being over sensitive?

I'm currently pregnant with first baby. My MIL has said her friend is giving her a car seat that either my DP can have in his car or she can keep for hers. I was a bit non commital and said oh I'll need to know the brand and model so I can check it has the most recent safety regulations etc. I said this as TBH I'm not comfortable with a 2nd hand car seat for my unborn baby. Also the NHS website recommends not getting 2nd hand car seats. And also I can't see any circumstance where in at least the first year of baby being born she would even need to take the baby anywhere in her car.

So this evening over dinner I said to DP when you next speak to your mum can you say about the car seat. He said oh yeah she said about that the other day. He said that he said to her we probably won't need it, but she wouldn't let it drop so he just said she could get it. I said to him don't you realise the safety risk with this. Well then he rang her and said don't get that car seat LBLC14 doesn't want it. I'm infuriated at him. It's his mum why couldn't he just say HE doesn't want it for concerns over the history and safety and following NHS guidance?

Just to say I do get on with his family very well and they are so lovely and generous with our baby on the way. If it was my mum i would feel comfortable with a firm NO and telling her not to bring it up again.

AIBU not wanting a 2nd hand car seat for my unborn baby??? AIBU for being angry at DP for basically telling the truth as it makes me sound ungrateful???

OP everyone around you should appreciate that this is your first baby and if they think you are being precious- you are - and are entitled to be!
You are developing your Tiger Mom instincts to protect your baby.
More than that however are the practicalities and no one knows what damage the car seat may have and it’s a thing you can control by saying NO to it. So much of motherhood is outside of your control. Say no and be proud and they honestly shouldn’t be too surprised.
good on you and good luck with the rest of your pregnancy

AIBU not wanting a 2nd hand car seat for my unborn baby???

No if that is your choice, BUT, as has already been said, the generalised advice about not getting a 2nd hand car seat is because you don't know the history. If you trust the person who has had it before, there is no issue with using a 2nd hand car seat. My dc2 used dc1's seat(s) as did my dc3. My brother used the seat that my sister had used for her dc. The seat doesn't know it has been passed to another child. The '2nd hand' part relates to not using it if it has been in an accident.
So, Your MiL's friend isn't U for offering it, but as a 1st time parents, YANBU for saying no thanks.

AIBU for being angry at DP for basically telling the truth as it makes me sound ungrateful???

Yes. YABU with this.
It is you that doesn't want it.
I don't know why you didn't say that to her in the first place.
Or, if you wanted to think about it, why you didn't get back to her as you get on so well.
There's nothing wrong with your dh saying it to your MiL in this circumstance.

YABU.
I had the exact same from my MIL, she got a car seat from her sister- it'd been through 4 grandkids. Thown around all over the place. Even after I realised it was expired she emailed the company to ask if it was more of a best before!

I'm quite strict with car seats though. It's literally the most dangerous thing you do with your kids these days, pu them I the car. Why wouldn't you want the safest possible seat. And tp the PP I always take our spare seats when renting cars, would never dream of relying on unknown hire ones.