Anyone wanna read a half written letter I’m working on for a while?

[zazpop]

Hey basically as the title says, I have been typing out a letter to my father for the past month. I don't want to distress anyone with my words but as I've been working through it I genuinely don't think I can continue. I've been putting my thoughts to some situations really out there and I know how bad it sounds.
Basically he left my mum when I was in reception then a school janitor molested me for a year and was arrested. Then my mum met a new man who thought having s*x with a 9 year old was normal.
My dad got custody of me, and he thought calling me a fat arse and ugly would build me resilience to deal with bullies, I never found one bully crueller than my own dad! We lived next door to his brother and he'd always tell my cousins who where the same age as me (female) and year older that they where model material and so beautiful.. I don't know what to think right now.. I was going to send a letter to reconcile but I think he's just awful now. 😑

It's not his fault the janitor abused you and your mum decided to shack up with a child abuser. I don't know that sharing your letter would help but if you think it would then I think sharing it with a trained counsellor would be a good idea

It is his fault if he emotionally abused his vulnerable daughter though. I do agree that counselling is a good idea!

You don't need to write a letter if you don't want to

You don't need to foster a relationship

You don't need to reconcile

Just stick a pin in it, keep it, throw it to the corner and let it sit.

Nothing is pushing you to do anything. You don't owe anyone anything.

Perhaps write it, get it all down on the page, then decide whether to send it or burn it. Hope it will make you feel better getting it all out x

Are you still in contact? It's very possible he will accept zero responsibility for his behaviour. Quite alot of parents are like this. If they can behave so terribly and think it ok, they won't respond to a letter in any positive way

Do you ever speak in person?

Counselling sounds like something that may really help you process all your upsetting experiences and just have one person really listen and care about how this was for you. ❤️

I worry that if you send a letter you will not get an apology or any contrition.
By all means write the letter, but perhaps don't send it?

I'm really sorry all those horrible things happened to you and both of your parents let you down and didn't protect you.

Have you got anyone to talk to about this in RL? GPs can refer you to counselling or therapy, I think it's something you should consider, if you think you are ready.
I feel that would be more beneficial to you at this point than trying to appeal to either of your parents.

People very often don't take responsibility for the hurt and damage they have caused and I wouldn't want you to go through that unless you really were convinced it was something you needed to do