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AIBU?

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Original poster

IPads at sleepover

28 replies

DiamondGoldandSilver · 16/09/2024 13:22

I recently hosted a sleepover for my DC, aged 9. All of the children arrived with iPads and played on them during their stay, which I had not been expecting. Is this normal? I hadn’t anticipated all the screens but perhaps I have been naive. I was reluctant to give out the wifi code, but one of the children said she wanted to contact her mum on her device, so I let them all have wifi access. I would have expected this with teenagers, but not 9 and 10 year olds. It is so different from when I was that age.

YABU- yes it is normal for children to bring devices on sleepovers so they can play online games and message parents.

YANBU- it is not common for 9 year olds to take devices on sleepovers.

OP posts:
PollyPut · 16/09/2024 13:25

Did you look after the ipads overnight so they were not in the bedroom?

Original poster
DiamondGoldandSilver · 16/09/2024 13:27

@PollyPut we turned off the wifi at 10 pm
as I was worried about this. Prior to that they were in a supervised part of the house.

OP posts:
Original poster
DiamondGoldandSilver · 16/09/2024 13:31

@PollyPut I should add that none of the parents said anything about safety controls or limiting device access. Turning off the wifi at bedtime was just our idea as a safety precaution.

OP posts:
PollyPut · 16/09/2024 13:32

DiamondGoldandSilver · 16/09/2024 13:27

@PollyPut we turned off the wifi at 10 pm
as I was worried about this. Prior to that they were in a supervised part of the house.

so they still had a bunch of cameras in the bedroom then, but presumably couldn't contact their parents if they wanted to? Doesn't sound like an ideal situation really; I can see why you weren't comfortable with that.

Maybe the children pre-arranged to bring ipads and play games with each other? Have you asked your DC about that?

Smartiepants79 · 16/09/2024 13:37

Not really my experience with kids under the age of 11. I’d have had them all put them in a pile downstairs when it was bedtime.
I’d also have been asking why they needed to contact a parent? At that age I’d be having all communication go via me!

Original poster
DiamondGoldandSilver · 16/09/2024 13:38

@PollyPut they hadn’t pre-arranged to play games. If they needed to contact their parents after 10 pm then they could have woken us up, but that would seem rather strange to me and more of an emergency situation. I believe some of the ipads were left in the kitchen but they could have come down in the night to get them while I was asleep, if they were that intent on having them.

For me it wasn’t ideal at all, which is why I’ve posted here to see what others think.

OP posts:
Original poster
DiamondGoldandSilver · 16/09/2024 13:40

Next time I will have a pre-arranged plan on this and would be interested to hear what other parents do.

OP posts:
sunsetsandboardwalks · 16/09/2024 13:42

I think it's quite normal for kids to want a way of contacting their parents - they're not all confident enough to speak to a host and especially wouldn't be confident enough to wake them up.

brunettemic · 16/09/2024 13:42

Normalish…maybe not every single one of them but DD of a similar age had been to a couple where most of them take one.

As for contacting their parents, what’s wrong with them sending a message or a quick FaceTime…?!

ZeroFucksGivenToday · 16/09/2024 13:42

Randomly I found 8-9 the age they wanted to all play on Minecraft etc together, but then 10-11 was more doing make up, filming dances on one device etc.

When I let DD have sleepovers, devices are fine to do the stuff together, but I limited all on a game to an hour.
At bedtime all devices (including phones) are charged elsewhere in the house and not in bedrooms etc.

bifurCAT · 16/09/2024 13:44

It's scary the way the world is going. In a sleepover, everyone is probably stuck with their heads in their iPads rather than talking and actually enjoying the friendships.

Am805463 · 16/09/2024 13:47

Totally normal here with my children. I don’t remove them at night either and neither do the other parents.

RedRobyn2021 · 16/09/2024 13:48

I don't know if it's the norm or not, my DD is only 3 but it's definitely depressing!!

What's the point of a sleepover if everyone just sits on an iPad, there's a lot wrong with this

lastapache · 16/09/2024 13:48

It's fairly normal in my experience, depending on the group. My DD is nine and they love playing Minecraft or Roblox together on their iPads when they come for a playdate or a sleepover. I'd still restrict the time they spent on them though e.g. if they arrive at 5pm for a sleepover I might send them out the front to play (summertime) or put on a movie (winter), then dinner, then they could have the iPads until say 9/10pm, and which point I'd collect them and leave them downstairs.

MyCharger56 · 16/09/2024 13:51

Definitely not my experience and I've hosted many sleepovers (boys). They play our games and use our tech but not their own. I also turned the WiFi off at night.

MyCharger56 · 16/09/2024 13:51

Am805463 · 16/09/2024 13:47

Totally normal here with my children. I don’t remove them at night either and neither do the other parents.

I don't let my teens have tech over night! They've enough during the day

RedRobyn2021 · 16/09/2024 13:52

bifurCAT · 16/09/2024 13:44

It's scary the way the world is going. In a sleepover, everyone is probably stuck with their heads in their iPads rather than talking and actually enjoying the friendships.

Exactly

I don't understand how so many parents do this and don't feel like the worst parent ever

bifurCAT · 16/09/2024 13:55

RedRobyn2021 · 16/09/2024 13:52

Exactly

I don't understand how so many parents do this and don't feel like the worst parent ever

Show quote history

The parents are probably guilty of it too. I remember when I was younger (I'm 40-ish), all the kids would be out on the green and all the parents would be chatting while watching us.

These days, parenting is being outsourced to iPads, very often so the parents themselves can just be lazy and mess about on their phones.

chillichoclove · 16/09/2024 13:57

I have children of this age and this has not been the norm where I am. I am strict about screens and would have taken them away I'm afraid, telling their parents of course. In our friendship group I think the parents would be on the same page as me.

RedRobyn2021 · 16/09/2024 14:00

@bifurCAT

I confess, I'm being lazy right now. I'm pregnant and feel knackered today, but DD is playing with her dolls whilst I sit on my phone not planted in front of an iPad and we will be walking the dog in a minute

I definitely spend too much time on my phone to be honest, I do worry about the example I'm setting. I also listen to a lot of books on audible but rarely read books for myself in front of her, so I'm trying to change that too. Although it hasn't stifled her love of books yet, I do worry about long term

Newuser75 · 16/09/2024 14:09

I'm really surprised at this to be honest.
I think it's sad that they will be sitting playing on iPads instead of with each other.

Rory17384949 · 16/09/2024 14:09

Not normal here, had a sleepover for my DD's 9th birthday and no devices turned up! They were on my DD's iPad for a bit but I took it off them because I didn't think sitting on an iPad all night was great entertainment

Milliehh · 16/09/2024 14:34

Not normal here, plenty for them to have fun with without needing technology.

boulevardofbrokendreamss · 16/09/2024 14:36

Not normal here. Mine are 13 now and we take all phones away after 10 and other parents do the same.

waterrat · 16/09/2024 14:46

While it's on the young side I do now see kids coming round with ipads...my youngest likes to have a playdate where she is allowed to game for a bit with a friend...they are 10 but this started in yesr 5 ish.

I would never ever cede control over ipads and tech to children in my house though. I would have said my house my rules and had v clear boundaries

My older child is 12 ahd I'm still strict with his friends phone use.

On a sleepover I tell parents that I don't allow phones in the bedroom overnight

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