I have a really great boss but I’m getting very frustrated

[FruitPizza]

I have been in my role for about 3 years now. I really love my job, and my boss (let’s call him Tom) has been really great - let me arrange my hours to suit childcare, been very supportive, actually came to support me in something outside of work. I am really appreciative.

I do feel, however, that I have outgrown the role and I am definitely working over my pay scale. I have been told that there isn’t enough money in the department to give me either more hours, or a pay rise. I could do a course to enhance my role and allow me to work further up but I do not meet the threshold for enough hours (to do this you have to work at least x hours a week). I have been encouraged to apply but there’s no point because Tom wont/cant give me any more hours.

Now, in a different speciality but in the same department (same boss, different line manager) there is a job going. The person that is leaving has just got the qualification I want to apply for and is going to work higher up in a different department. Their line manager has been trying to essentially poach me for a while.

I went to shadow with them the other week when I had little work to do (at the approval of my boss) and I know I would be really good at it, and enjoy it. I could still do hours that suit my family. But now Tom is making me feel really uncomfortable about it. There are constant comments of “you can’t go down there, I need you here” and if I even speak to the line manager there in passing it’s “stop trying to poach my staff” or “stop moonlighting” etc etc

At first it was somewhat funny but now it’s too much and it’s made me not want to apply. Tom would be part of the interview/panel process and I feel like he would not put me forward to keep me where I am. The other line manager has now been saying “I’d love to have you but Tom would never forgive me”

so I suppose not so much a AIBU but a WWYD

I really enjoy my job but know I can do a lot more. I don’t want to sour my relationship with Tom, especially if he will continue to be my boss.

A good Manager will support you in progression even when they know it means a shitshow for them.

Apply. Have a word Tom. Be clear you would love to stay, but as there is no room for progression you will be applying for the other role. It's unfortunate that the business is unable to support him in keeping you, but you cannot stay in the role as is.

Paul Keating, one of our previous prime ministers who is widely known for his sayings, said “Always back Self Interest. At least you know it’s trying to win”.

Your boss is Self Interest. He has helped up to the point of staying comfortable.

You be Self Interest for a change. Expand your horizons. Get your training. Work for a boss who has a habit of being comfortable putting others first. Get the pay rise that will come.

Part of being a good manager and developing people is that they move on. I'm always careful to tell people that they're a great loss to the department but that I'm also delighted they are going onward and upward. Tom needs to learn this.

Definitely apply and very good luck.

Why is it making you not want to apply?

That would irritate me so much I would want to apply more!

Either way, definitely apply: the interview practice is always worthwhile. And if you're offered it maybe Tom will find more money to keep you in his team.

It's great you have a good boss, but don't let it lead to career stagnation.

I disagree with your statement that you have a great boss - it is not true! He is controlling and not letting you progress in your career. Just apply for the job

Tom sounds like a nice person but he is not a great manager.

He really should be helping you to develop and encouraging you in growing your career and “silly” comments about not wanting to lose you show he doesn’t really do that and with his attitude now starting to impact the hiring manager I would be very concerned about that.

You need to have a discussion with him about why you want to apply for this new role and tell him that you think he’s a great boss but you feel that you have outgrown this role and need/want something more. See how he responds. If he actually is a good boss he will tell you specifically why he thinks it is not a good idea for you to apply and will suggest what you can do to develop, what he will probably do (IMO) is make some feeble joke about keeping you and blather a bit but you will get nothing specific.

Apply for the job, asking for him not to be on the panel is a bit more tricky. If he is a nice man that will be OK but if he is a bit petulant then you could just be creating a future problem.

He’s not a creepy person, I get how it might sound but it’s not like that.

I did a fun run and he came to cheer me on, helped organise a charity event with DH which he came to.

I haven’t been crying on his shoulder or anything like that

And was my only colleague that did (apart from my friend who I knew outside of work beforehand)

Apply and let Tom know politely by email that you are applying, that he knows you have been wanting more hours and responsibility, that you enjoyed the shadowing so believe you would appreciate the role, that you would be grateful for his support with the application and look forward to continuing to work with him from the other team.

He's being inappropriate, but having it all laid out clearly should hopefully make him calm down. Write up really decent handover / training material for your current role to soften the blow (and to stop yourself from being bored).

Fuck tom.

"feel, however, that I have outgrown the role and I am definitely working over my pay scale. I have been told that there isn’t enough money in the department to give me either more hours, or a pay rise. I could do a course to enhance my role and allow me to work further up but I do not meet the threshold for enough hours (to do this you have to work at least x hours a week). I have been encouraged to apply but there’s no point because Tom wont/cant give me any more hours.

Of course he loves having you there - you're a "nice", underpaid workhorse (women and minority groups are often shoehorned into this role).

Turning up to your event and being nice saves his budget X amount of money.

If someone he sees as more worthy starts the budget money will be found in the even if they don't match the qualifications.

Think 100% in your own interests. He is not your friend.

Have a chat with him. He may be joking but it is unprofessional to hold an employee back just because you click with them and rate thie work. Explain to him that you need more money and hours and want to develop your career, and much as you love working with him, you understand these are not possible within your current department.

If he is a good boss and a good person, he'll understand. If he isn;t and doesn;t, then you need to move on anyway or he'll hold you back, by tossing you morsels of niceness in lieu of a decent career progression.

I don't think that Tom is that nice. He's getting an over experienced worker for cheap, and not willing to spend money on your training. Now he's deliberately going over your head to block your promotion prospects.

Legally he is not allowed to prevent you progressing, but threatening legal action would definitely sour the relationship. Hard one, maybe if the new role offers more hours, just tell tom you need the extra hours for extra money for bills etc and as he can't offer that that's why you feel you need to go to this new department

I would apply and go for interview.

I'd also have a conversation with Tom on why you are applying (the hours, the qualification). Because of Tom really wanted you - they'd ve able to find a way around this.

Honestly go for the job. I had a great employee but knew they would progress more quickly in another department due to skill set and pushed them down that route. They have been promoted within a year. Good for staff retention and the business. I ‘poached’ another team member in the same way.

just tell Tom you are applying and are really excited about it…maybe mention you have been thinking of looking externally to give him a bit of a shake as he’s taking you for granted. yes he doesn’t want to lose you in your current role but that’s tough.

I'd go for the new job, but I'd also look outside of the company for something else, as I wouldn't be keen to stay somewhere which thought it was ok to bar part time workers from doing qualifications.

Definitely go for the job.

Tell Tom you need to progress, so it’s this job, or you will be leaving the company entirely. Tell him his “jokes” are making you uncomfortable.

Hopefully he will realise he’s being 💩

You absolutely must apply. I've coached many of my team into new roles that progresses them, a good manager will always want their team to progress.

If tom is that great a manager you should be able to have a conversation with him.
Spell out to him that you need to progress now. You could do that in your current position if he would/could find the extra hours for you to access the training.
Otherwise you need to apply for the other job.
And I'd be ready to have a chat with HR about tom preventing your move, intentionally or not, with his "jokes" if he doesn't allow one or other of these alternatives.
Because that would prove to me that he isn't that nice.

They decided not to hire anyone in the new role for now because we aren’t in a very good financial position. I did have a very frank conversation with my
boss, and I’ve been promised more hours in the future but nothing in writing yet. I’m not holding my breath. Time to start looking for a new job I think ☹️

Oh, that sucks.