To be slightly annoyed that DH got more money than I did for our birthday's from my mum?

[Lollypopzmummy]

I know it's probably quite a trivial thing but it's offended me slightly. Our birthday's are 9 days apart, she sent a big package over for my birthday with a card in it for DH. I got £20 for my birthday and when he opened his card the other day he asked me how much I'd got, I told him and he made a rather strange noise so I asked him how much he'd received and he said £40. . .

My mum's not always on the same planet as everyone else but I'm not sure if I should ask her if maybe she got the cards mixed up or something? but, then again, she can be a little strange sometimes and I don't think I'd know how to react if she said she hadn't gotten them mixed up and it wasn't a mistake.

Am still annoyed about the money from Xmas (she sent a cheque over made out to DH. . . I do have my own bank account. . . and my brother's didn't have to 'share' their xmas money with their DP's, and I didn't see a penny of it so am still quite annoyed about it).

AIBU or is it because I'm menstruating? (Just thought I'd share x x x heehee)

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Why did you not get your Xmas money? Didn't your dh give it to you after he'd deposited the cheque in his account?

I'd be upset.

I would just be happy with whatever I got.

Are you crap with money?

I don't think you are being unreasonable, although would some say it's the thought that counts!
We have a similar problem with FIl and step MIL, except it involves the Dses and not us. DS1 always gets either a cheque or voucher for £15 for his birthday, DS2 always gets one for £10. it irritates the hell out of me, but DH just says "well the Dses aren't bothered, so why are you"

Did you get a present and money and he just got the money?

My grandparents never gave equally - my elder brother would get £1 a week pocket money, the rest of us 10p, £5 for birthdays, the rest of us £1. I well remember my gran giving my mum £2 for her birthday "to buy some tights".

The injustice is very annoying, I agree.

Ok here goes:
Nope, not a big birthday for DH.

I didn't see it because we've been sort of struggling with money for a little while (Tax credits people can't seem to make up their minds whether we qualify or not, one minute they owe us money the next we owe them money!) so it just sort of got spent on the necessities I guess (although it was meant to be put aside for my car fund as I'm trying to get started with driving lessons etc).

I was happy with what I got for my birthday, very happy in fact as it means that I can now afford to buy my friend's car off her for £100) but it just didn't make a lot of sense that she would give him more money then me Wouldn't it have made more sense to give us equally £20?

Nope, I'm not crap with money, in fact I'm a lot better with money than Dh is, I've saved up my car fund and am secretly putting money aside for our DD's savings because I know he'll find a reason to use it for "necessities" when we're obviously scraping by without that money!

Ooh, Salstire I'm actually worried about this sort of thing popping up in the future (as we now have 2 DD's) have you tried sneaking in the extra £5 to make it up for DS2? I was thinking that if either one of mine get's left out a bit then I'd try this myself.

Wow Nobiggy your grandparents sound really tight (lol @ unintended pun there!) I'm not a big fan of preference when it comes to children (despite myself being my gran's favourite as a child, it caused too much sibling rivalry)
I did get a hand knitted cardigan, which I love btw but she was going to send me that anyway apparently (and she's got another one in progress at the moment). Maybe it was that, maybe she did mean that the cardigan was part of it (although it wasn't wrapped and was in with a load of other bits for the girl's too so I think I overlooked it as it's not the girl's birthday's) I don't know, I'm mightily confused now. I'll just think of the cardigan as part of my present and leave it at that I think, it saves any arguments that way!

Thanks all
x

Saltire sorry, fast typing as DD1 runs around trying to kick me in the shins for funsies!!

Does your mum spend other sums of money on you throughout the year? Take you out for lunch or to the cinema once in a while. My mum does this and I often get less than dh at birthdays and xmas but I've never said anything I just assume it's because she's treated me to a few bits and bobs throughout the year.

Anyway, what can you say?

Mum give me more money
Mum give dh less money

Neither sounds very nice does it?

LOL one year my mother got us all vouchers and she gave my sisters and their dhs more than me and dp

I have no idea why and am buggered if I am going to give her the gratification of asking

to be fair she does help us out over the years, I am sure we get more than our 'fair share' and we are not struggling so I don't begrudge it

it is just that for a minute it feels like a valuation of your worth and such a smack in the face - this isn't what a present is or should be, though, is it?

One year my mum gave me a set of 3 nail varnishes and my brothers girlfriend a gold bracelet.

I know this because she sent up a bag of pressies for me and the kids and she mistakenly put brothers girlfriend present in the bag too. Then she asked me to look to see if it was there because she couldn't find it and I saw an unlabelled pressie and opened it and that's how I know what it was.

My mum was totally embarresed by the whole thing - but why bloody do it if you know it's wrong.

Oh, and I'd worked all farking year long in her fish and chip job for less than minimum wage to help her get her business off the ground. I didn't work there after that little episode.

nametaken my mum now lives in another country and no, she never spent any amount of money on me like that before she moved either, not really her thing IYSWIM.
@ your mum's present to your brother's GF, that's a little excessive in comparrison to your present! I think as we get older us mum's go ever so slightly insane! Is this what I have to look forward to? Shoot me now!!
Well, I got an email from her this eve and decided to just let it go (we've had some to-do's over the past couple of years and I just can't be bothered with the hassle of it all, I'm stressed out enough about DH not working at the moment and don't need to be worrying about the fact that she's probably losing it. . . although, even saying that, if it was a mistake and she finds out later on she'll probably have a go at me for not telling her Blardy woman! I know I can't win so just going to sit it out and wait for the enslaught).

Maybe she only meant to put in £20 but another one stuck to it!

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I think I would just have a laugh about it, at your mum's expense.

I would imagine if this happened in our house that DH would tease me relentlessly about it, and that I would tease my mum about it, eg. by offering to pass the phone to my husband when she calls to speak to me etc.

Both of you should put the money in the pot and have a big night out... don't forget to call her the next day to tell her what a great time you had.

She might just be a bit flakey, but if she was trying to make some kind of point, this would show you had not risen to it.

dexter73 She lives in Ireland so Pounds aren't her usual currency and she'd have to go and get her money changed especially for it.

Trolleydolly Umm my mum was a single parent and has very much had feministic views all my life so not quite sure about that theory really.

Chochosan Ah well you joke about passing the phone to DH when she calls, usually he answers the phone and can be on there for 20-30 minutes before I even know it's her on the end of the phone!! Maybe I should incinuate that she fancies him and maybe I should send him over as her xmas present?!

Well, needless to say the money has already gone on "necessities" over the weekend (oh and he went out to play golf yesterday. . . until 5 pm ((push it down, push it down, he deserves a break once in a while right?! )).) and mine's gone into the car fund so I guess mine's been put to more use than his anyway.