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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To increasingly not want to go anywhere?

16 replies

JMSA · 15/09/2024 19:06

I'm a single mum who works full-time in a challenging job. I also love my own company and pottering around at home. I'm 50 years old.
Yesterday, I went to a university Open Day with my 18 year old, in a city an hour or so away. We had a perfectly lovely day but I couldn't wait to get home.
On Tuesday after my work, I'm travelling through to see family, for a wee gathering before my grandmother's funeral on Wednesday. It's about 90 minutes away. Of course I will attend my beloved grandmother's funeral very willingly. But the thought of packing an overnight bag and going straight from work ...
Is this normal behaviour? I am definitely seeing less of people these days and retreating into my own wee world.
Thankfully, I go happily to my work. I don't mind it at all. But my personal life is non-existent, largely through choice.
I wouldn't say I'm a selfish person. I help people every day at work, and would readily give most people a helping hand.
I guess I'm a classic introvert, but I definitely didn't used to be quite this closed off.
Will I regret it one day, the thought of not spending enough time with loved ones (extended family, I mean) or not opening myself up to exciting new experiences?
And can anyone else relate?
I should add that I am having my first solo holiday in October. 5 days on my own, abroad, and I cannot bloody wait Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
JMSA · 15/09/2024 19:07

Honestly, the thought of my solo trip excites me more than anything else has done for quite some time.

OP posts:
alloutofcareunits · 15/09/2024 19:11

I totally get where you're coming from, I love it if I have a day off and don't have to see or interact with anyone (other than DH though I did enjoy him working away for a few days recently). I secretly hope people cancel plans to socialise. I have never been a big group person but now more than one is too many. I don't care and aren't worried about regretting not seeing people, I'm 57 soon and don't see it changing

xyz111 · 15/09/2024 19:12

I think we're all different, so if you enjoy your own company then enjoy!! I just wouldn't cut myself off completely, you don't want to need someone in the future and no one's there.

Original poster
JMSA · 15/09/2024 19:13

Oh, is there a greater joy than a cancelled social plan? Grin I am with you there!
And I definitely wouldn't enjoy being in a large group.

OP posts:
poppyzbrite4 · 15/09/2024 19:13

No you're not being unreasonable.

Onwardsandsidewaysyetagain · 15/09/2024 19:15

I think as we age we have less energy, or I do anyway. If you work in a sociable job then it stands to reason you have less energy to go out in evenings and do extra activities. I used to in my twenties but I don't have the oomph to do that now. I think it's good to keep contact with family and friends though, so perhaps just less often (you can't control funerals though, I'm sorry for your loss) or go in holidays.

Allfur · 15/09/2024 19:16

It's all good if that's what makes you happy, but do you want to live the rest of your life like that, alot of older people are lonely

CormorantStrikesBack · 15/09/2024 19:17

I’m the same. An evening or a day on the sofa reading a book on my own is my idea of heaven.

Onwardsandsidewaysyetagain · 15/09/2024 19:18

I also make sure I see the people I like the best in my limited time. Don't go to things you aren't into, but prioritise your good friends, your close family and be kind to yourself, it sounds like you are very busy and it's probably the pre-meno/meno dip. You are a single mum, you have a demanding job, it's not quite the same as socialising in your twenties, is it?

Comedycook · 15/09/2024 19:25

I understand to a certain extent but I would say be careful what you wish for. Right now, you have options. How would you feel if the options didn't exist at all and your only choice was to be at home. I also want to add that you are incredibly lucky to have reached the age of 50 and still have your grandmother....I wish mine was still around, so cherish that

Skyrainlight · 15/09/2024 19:43

I'm an introvert and a homebody so I totally get it. I like being at home.

AdultChildQuestion · 15/09/2024 19:48

You are not being unreasonable. However, I like you, should probably heed a pp's post about being aware that we might not always have options.

Original poster
JMSA · 15/09/2024 21:47

Comedycook · 15/09/2024 19:25

I understand to a certain extent but I would say be careful what you wish for. Right now, you have options. How would you feel if the options didn't exist at all and your only choice was to be at home. I also want to add that you are incredibly lucky to have reached the age of 50 and still have your grandmother....I wish mine was still around, so cherish that

My parents were teenagers when I was born, so yes, my grandmother was young and I was lucky to have her for so many years.
It is her funeral on Wednesday and her amazing mind was ravaged by dementia in the last few years, but yes, she was cherished.

OP posts:
Comedycook · 15/09/2024 21:58

JMSA · 15/09/2024 21:47

My parents were teenagers when I was born, so yes, my grandmother was young and I was lucky to have her for so many years.
It is her funeral on Wednesday and her amazing mind was ravaged by dementia in the last few years, but yes, she was cherished.

Show quote history

I'm so sorry.. please forgive me as I must have missed the funeral part of your post...i misread terribly and thought you were visiting and now i feel terrible. I'm so sorry for your loss...I hope you have lots of lovely memories and the funeral goes as well as expected.

Original poster
JMSA · 16/09/2024 02:07

I did wonder if you'd missed that part! Anyway, no worries at all Smile

OP posts:
Mrsgreen100 · 25/01/2025 19:15

From you post , I take it that you live with your
18 year old ?
you may feel differently when they fly the nest
and u are alone 24/7

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