I’m in the same category as you. I could go all day without bothering with food if I’m out and about and active but, on my own, I binge. I needed food to watch a tv show or read my book and the experience didn’t feel complete without it. I always struggled with my weight but, after my mum died and some coincidental changes to my social life, I ballooned to 28 stone 3 years ago. I’m a 6ft, 29 year old guy and broad but, even so, 28 stone was ridiculous. I’m under 20st now and still gradually losing weight.
I think you could benefit from some support to explore the emotional side of your behaviours. I didn’t and it might have helped but, aside from that, here are a few things I’ve learned that worked for me:
At the start, I didn’t focus on eating well or not binging. I focussed on getting as much bang for my buck calorie wise and finding the ways I could still eat crap. It sounds totally counter-intuitive but it’s not, especially for a binge eater. If I’m going to scoff a multipack of crisps, salt’n’vinegar squares will be 180 calories less than Discos. Cathedral City mature cheese spread will give me a good cheese fix and it’s 150 calories less than block cheese per 100g. An M&S ciabatta roll is 170 calories whereas most bakery rolls are closer to 250. Eating healthy is ONE way to lose weight but it isn’t the only way. Doing this helped me create some early deficits and get the process started while still meeting my cravings. Adding in some more walking (but not loads) lost me my first 3st. I still go back to eating like this sometimes but it’s more mindful and doesn’t make as big a dent.
Calorie tracking really helped with the above. Even if you don’t want to track all your calories for the day, it’s just a great way of learning about the calories in nutrients in all the food you eat. Some foods will surprise you and some will horrify you but it’s important to have the knowledge so that, even when I do go off the rails, I can make small choices in the moment that might help me make less of a dent in my progress because I roughly know what’s in most of my go-to foods/snacks.
Once I was making progress, I focussed on little habits at a time. One month I learned more about fibre, one month I learned more about protein. During one good phase of losing weight, I focussed on one meal and figured out all the different options I enjoy (good and bad). Over time, every time I went from a good phase of into a bad phase, I had managed to at least change something. Those little habits all add up. My diet isn’t perfect now but It’s getting there. Overall, it’s much healthier than it used to be and it’s still getting better. I know so much more about food now than I used to.
Overall, I stopped thinking about it as being on a diet or even just about loosing weight. It was about learning more about food, nutrition, my habits and focussing on small changes at a time. Even when you’re binging, use it as a learning experience. Don’t be ashamed of it and don’t ignore it. Be honest about it, acknowledge it and pick out one thing to learn from it for next time. It’s a marathon, not a race. If you can learn more about your own habits and triggers, you’re going to have a much easier time making change. I learned that I’m least likely to snack when I’m playing PS5 or crafting, so I lean into that sometimes when I’m struggling. It’s a small thing but a few small things quickly add up to a big thing.
Being realistic about progress from the start helped me a lot. The all-in or all-out mindset of the past had to go. It’s going to be two steps forward, one step back and that’s ok. Overall, it’s still progress. That really helps me be kind to my self during a bad patch and I tend to get out of them quicker as time goes. Motivation is fluid and that’s ok.
Accountability also helps, especially with exercise. I’m now up to 10,000 steps a day and walking has been the only exercise I do. Making plans with people in advance helps make sure I don’t avoid it. Making friends with dog owners is a great shout, especially people with dogs like collies and labs, they’re always out! And you can usually find local groups if you don’t know people yourself. Only if that works for you though, you might not be as socially inclined.
Sorry, this was a bit of an epic post, but I just thought I’d share some of my experiences. Also, Ignore the whole “you just need to do this…” people. Including me. Everyone will want to share the thing that worked for them that will work for you. If it does, great. If it doesn’t ignore them. There are 1000 ways to lose weight and another 1000 reasons why your experience will be different than someone else. Find what works for you and go for it.