“I can’t imagine you around children”

[bumpkinspiced]

I told a friend (known her 4 years ish) that I trained to be an au pair in my early 20s and she responded with “I can’t imagine you around children”

I don’t know why but it kind of offended me. For relevance neither of us have children, so it’s not like she’s ever seen me be awkward around them. And the activities we do don’t involve children - going out for drinks, spa weekends, going to each other homes etc

It's a bit of a strange comment, but if your interactions with her have only really ever centered around distinctly un-child-friendly activities, then I can see why she might have said something like that.

I wouldn't get too upset about it tbh. It sounds like a badly timed off the cuff comment.

We don't know either of you so how can we say?

At the time you could have said "I enjoyed working with kids" but probably not worth raising now unless it comes up again.

I can’t imagine most of my friends around children. It’s not a slur, it’s just that we’re all childfree, and none of us look as though we’d be fond of snotty noses, tantrums and sticky fingers. If your friend has only ever seen you as a childfree adult with no apparent interest in things involving children, that’s probably all she means. Even many au pairs aren’t exactly naturals around children!

Are you a no nonsense and practical type person? Or a 100mph rushing along type person? Or a very dreamy head in the clouds type person?

We all have multiple facets to our personality but if you haven't shown this "nurturing" side to her then she's obviously not going to imagine you as a nanny type person. Would you be offended if she didn't see you as a dog/horse person or interested in gardening?

She may have meant that she related to you and enjoys doing things with you which are nothing to do with children. She can’t imagine herself around them, therefore she can’t imagine you - or her version of you - with them either.

It’s short sighted but probably not meant in an undermining way. It’s a bit limited of her not to respond with curiosity instead though.