To think it’s ok to drop someone who’s constantly hot and cold with you?

[mytreehouse]

Firstly I get people have their own lives and sometimes you have the capacity to invest more time into seeing people, making an effort etc and sometimes you just don’t.

I have a friend and for years it’s either been shes my best friend who I see and talk to a lot, to then a year of us never seeing each other - excuses made, no offer to reschedule etc - and then her picking up like nothing has ever happened.

We live in the same city, if we met half way it would take us both a 10 minute drive tops.

I don’t need to see and speak to someone every day to know we’re friends, but I also can’t be left wondering if I’ve done something wrong constantly.

Aibu to just drop her? I’m tired of her dictating when it’s ok for us to be friends again.

Yikes I'm panicked that I might be that person...

It really depends I think

Impossible to answer without knowing anything about her and her life.

I have one person like this in my life and now I don’t make “the first move”. If she invites me to a a party etc I’ll say great, I go and have a good time. What I don’t do is initiate meeting up. It’s been a year and I don’t think she’s quite twigged but I feel better not putting myself out there all the time trying to arrange things. There are plenty of other people who are happy to spend time with me. But I haven’t “dropped” her.

I'd just accept the relationship as it is if I enjoyed her company. I certainly wouldn't consider her a good friend and would pull back from getting too intense.

Yes I def phased them out... there was a good post on here people drop you when you are of no use to them. I had one that made contact when she needed info off me. Then hot and cold again.

I don't see why you'd drop her, just stop letting your friendship be on her terms only. If she wants to meet all the time and you can't, then don't. Similarly, if you want to meet and she doesn't, that's also fine.

My life has had many ups and downs and this has affected how I interact with my friends and to what extent. My friends get that, as do I in return. ATM I'm struggling with things to do with my child and my own mental health and I don't have the time, energy or desire to be social, but last year i was a social butterfly. I have had a number of my friends for over 30 years now and they will always be my friends as they get me and I get them. Life's not straightforward, even when on the surface it looks like it may be. Enjoy your friendship in it's good times and it's off season x

I think when the resentment kicks in with this then it can be hard to come back from it. With such a short distance I'd expect someone that considers themself a friend to make time for me more than once a year and it sounds as though this person does like you but that they see you as optional.

I wouldn't blame you for wanting to move on from this.

I think it depends on the friendship and how much you value it.
I have friends that if this suddenly happened I'd be worried I'd offended them. And then I have other friends where this would be quite normal because the friendship has always been that way; but we just pick up where we left off, as if we'd only seem each other yesterday.

I have a friend like this and I thought we were besties. Turns out she has flavours of the month depending on what she gets from people. I don't bother much now as I realised it was me instigating it in the end and i was always second guessing myself. Honestly it was so upsetting. I would just either gradually walk away or keep it very light.

Sure if t not working do something about it but I am,fine having people where it is not consisted I am just happy when we do connect again and fine when we don't I don't have a criteria that people have to meet I just take them as they are

That's quite rude though, she invites you to places and you don't reciprocate.
Do you not value her friendship enough to make a bit of an effort?

Isn't that the exact definition of dropping someone?

Not saying it's wrong, sometimes you need to do this but I don't get how it's not a case of dropping someone.

Yes optional. You’re so right.

They’ve posted themselves going out with other friends. Which they obviously are entitled to do but it solidifies they aren’t bothered about our friendship.

When I think about it a lot of the time this friend would call when she had a problem and wanted advice on her relationship, finances and even her university essay.

My Dh and I had knew another couple for decades. We aren't friends anymore. They would invite us over for dinner, we would have a really fun evening and we'd spend a few evenings like this. Then they'd drop us for years sometimes and then pick us up again and hang out with us. This went on for over 20 years. It upset my Dh and me. It made me feel like an old board game that they'd found in the cupboard, played with for a bit until they got bored and then shoved away again. I wrote them an email explaining my feelings. She said they'd done nothing wrong, natch. But I didn't feel bad about cutting them off for good.