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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Too young to play out unsupervised?

19 replies

Gameofmoans81 · 15/09/2024 08:32

We live in a bowl shaped estate so while there isn’t fast busy traffic, there are cars and the occasional idiot ragging round on a cross bike.
There are a group of children who play out constantly, unsupervised. The youngest is 6 and the oldest about 11.
whilst they seem sweet and well meaning, I’ve never seen their parents and don’t know which flats they live in or essentially who they are.
We played with them one time in the park and now they are constantly nagging for my 5 year old daughter to go out and play with them. They sometimes just appear at the back door or stop us on the way home. I keep explaining that 5 is too young to be out playing without adult supervision but their response is that the older kids will look after her and they’ve been allowed out since they were 4.
i don’t want my daughter to be the odd one out but I don’t think 5 is old enough to be out on her own, even within a relatively enclosed estate.
do people agree?

OP posts:
ncforcatquestion · 15/09/2024 08:41

That can only be your decision. I wouldn't let a 5 year old out to play further than the garden, or possibly my line of sight if the street was safe and without a road near. But I can remember my little sister coming out with the rest of the kids to play hide and seek in the bushes when she was 5 or younger. I suppose things were different in the 90s though

HelpMeHaveAVoice · 15/09/2024 08:43

5 is definitely too young. Don't be pressured by kids.

BigStevie · 15/09/2024 09:09

No chance

Eenameenadeeka · 15/09/2024 09:10

Way too young

HelpMeHaveAVoice · 15/09/2024 11:09

I would reconsider at 9 years old and that would be dependent on the maturity of my kid- mentally and emotionally, how safe the area is, how much I trust the other kids and whether I know their parents.

purpleme12 · 15/09/2024 11:18

Things like that are impossible to say unless you're there
My child would play out without my supervision on our street (which was a very short street!) at 5/6 but she was by herself and obviously I kept looking out to check on her

But these are things you can only judge by being there.

Do what you feel comfortable with, regardless

ComtesseDeSpair · 15/09/2024 11:30

I wouldn’t let your DD out with them largely because neither you nor she know the children well, and she’d be on her own. With an age range that wide, some of the older ones are clearly siblings of some of the younger ones, and siblings can generally be trusted more to look out for each other - whereas not so much with an unrelated and fairly unknown child.

wizzywig · 15/09/2024 11:32

No way. I'll bet they make out you're a Debbie downer for saying no.

liveforsummer · 15/09/2024 11:33

It's up to you, mine played out at this age. Our estate is safe and the older dc did indeed look out for them. Adults kept an eye from windows which I guess you wouldn't know if you didn't talk to each other. You know your estate and your dc best though.

Icedlatteofdreams · 15/09/2024 11:54

5 is too young IMO. My kids only just started playing out on a green literally outside my front door which has no main roads and is entirely enclosed at 7.5 and 9. There are lots of younger kids who play out though and the risk is the parents to have but I wouldn't be comfortable with that!

HeySummerWhereAreYou · 15/09/2024 11:56

Nooooo, not 5! Minimum 8 IMO. Keep her in @Gameofmoans81 If the older kids want to play/if your 5 y.o. wants to play with them, then then have them at yours.

.

Singleandproud · 15/09/2024 12:52

Not a chance.
Too much responsibility for another child. Children's eyes aren't even developed enough to judge traffic speeds until well into their teens.

Just say no, you don't have to justify your parenting decisions to a child. If you have some spare time take a camping chair out and a book and let her play and keep an eye out but no way I'd be letting a 5 years old out on their own.

Bubblesallaround · 15/09/2024 12:55

Absolutely not.

Beezknees · 15/09/2024 12:57

Not a chance would I do this.

Spenditlikebeckham · 15/09/2024 12:58

When we lived in a cul de sac when dd's were 4 and 5 it was on our drive only....

itispersonal · 15/09/2024 15:55

My dd used to play out on my cul de sac when she was 5/6 years old but I could still see her whilst she played if i was in our lounge, the cul de sac doesn't have a twitchell to anywhere, and it has helped with her road awareness!

I do think it's great for children to play out together and have unsupervised play without an adult. It is something which kids in this country are missing, to their detriment!

But you know your area, your child and if you are able to see them.

SleepyRich · 15/09/2024 16:08

Ultimately, the decision is yours, and it's important to stand firm against any pressure or bullying from others.

However, if you're seeking opinions, I believe that our society has become overly restrictive when it comes to allowing children the freedom to explore and develop independence. While safety is paramount, fostering independence is equally crucial for a child's development. Encouraging children to navigate their environment, make decisions, and face challenges on their own can build resilience and confidence.

Personally I've always allowed my children to play out in the local area inc woods, youngest currently 4yrs. The time they spend outdoors is really beneficial emotional and social development.

SpinningTops · 15/09/2024 16:22

I live on a safe cul de sac. All the kids play out and I've started to let my nearly 6 year old out of my sight if playing with others. We also have a large garden and I will let them play out of sight for a good hour or so, just with an ear out for crying. They climb trees and sometimes get hurt but that's how they learn!

I do think children need to be left unsupervised to develop a sense of safety and to be able to assess risk.

I think a lot of the anxiety in children these days could be avoided if they are given a bit of responsibility.

But it depends on your street. Ours is extremely quiet and rural and we have a good sense of community where you look out for others kids. I'd probably feel different if we're talking inner city where I don't know the other kids parents.

spiderlight · 15/09/2024 16:27

Five is too young. My DS played out with the neighbours' children from about six or seven, but that was on a completely enclosed field that our gardens back onto, with parents popping their heads out of the back gates or checking from the upstairs windows all the time, and didn't go out with access to the roads until he was ten, which was when school friends started calling for each other at the front. Even then, he only ever crossed our quiet road to go to the park behind the houses opposite. He wasn't fully 'free range' until the summer before high school, which was when he and his school friends started to go to the park by the high school and into town on the bus to practice being a bit more independent. No way would I have let him anywhere near roads unsupervised at four.

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